Josh: WHEN I WAS IN THE THIRD.
GRADE, I HAD THE CUTEST LITTLE TURTLE EVER.
Drake: WHEN I WAS A LITTLE KID,
I HAD THE HOTTEST BABY-SITTER EVER.
Josh: HIS NAME WAS SHELDON.
Drake: HER NAME WAS DEBBIE.
I REMEMBER SHE USED TO LIKE TO EAT GRAPES.
Josh: I REMEMBER HE USED TO LOVE.
TO EAT BUGS.
Drake: AND WHENEVER I"D GET.
SCARED... SHE"D HOLD MY HAND.
Josh: WHENEVER HE"D GET SCARED,
HE"D... PEE IN MY HAND.
Drake: BUT THEN DEBBIE MOVED TO WISCONSIN.
Josh: BUT THEN ONE DAY SHELDON... PASSED ON.
Drake: SO MY MOM GOT ME A NEW BABY-SITTER.
Josh: SO MY DAD BOUGHT ME A LIZARD.
Drake: HER NAME WAS MRS. FINKLE.
Josh: HIS NAME WAS JULIO.
Drake: SHE USED TO MAKE ME EAT.
WARM TUNA FISH AND WATCH
EDUCATIONAL TELEVISION.
Josh: HE USED TO CLIMB UP MY.
CHEST AND BITE MY THROAT!
Drake: AND THE MORE I HATED THAT.
OLD LADY... Josh: AND THE MORE I HATED THAT.
VICIOUS LIZARD...
Drake: THE MORE I MISSED DEBBIE.
Josh: THE MORE I MISSED SHELDON.
Drake: I GUESS I NEVER REALLY.
APPRECIATED DEBBIE...
Josh: I GUESS I NEVER REALIZED.
HOW MUCH I LOVED SHELDON...
Drake: TILL SHE WAS GONE.
Josh: UNTIL JULIO TRIED TO KILL ME!
ME! Drake: OK, OPEN.
Tori: UM... GREEN APPLE? Drake: EXCELLENT. OPEN.
Tori: CHERRY.
Drake: MORE SPECIFIC, PLEASE.
Tori: VERY CHERRY? Drake: VERY GOOD.
Tori: HMM. HOT GUY LIPS?
Drake: THAT IS CORRECT.
WE ALSO WOULD HAVE ACCEPTED
EXTREMELY HOT GUY LIPS.
Tori: HEY, GET ME A SODA?
Both: MOCHA COLA, EXTRA ICE.
Tori: WOW, YOU"RE GOOD.
Drake: YEAH, WE ALSO WOULD"VE.
ACCEPTED EXTREMELY GOOD.
HEY, JOSH. AAH!
Josh: LOOK, YOU CAN "AAH" ALL.
YOU WANT, ALL RIGHT? I LIKE MY MUSTACHE.
Drake: OH, COME ON. GRAMMY HAS.
MORE HAIR ON HER UPPER LIP THAN THAT.
Josh: DO NOT MAKE FUN OF.
GRAMMY"S HORMONAL IMBALANCES!
Drake: OOH, SORRY. WHY DON"T.
YOU JUST SHAVE THAT THING OFF?
Josh: NO. EVER SINCE I"VE GROWN.
THIS MUSTACHE, PEOPLE TREAT ME
DIFFERENTLY. I GET MORE RESPECT.
Gavin: HEY, JOSH, HELEN WANTS.
YOU TO GO DOWN TO THE BASEMENT
AND EMPTY THE RAT TRAPS.
Josh: YOU SEE? HELEN NEVER LET.
ME DO THAT BEFORE. THE POWER...
OF THE "STACHE."
Drake: IF YOU SAY SO.
Josh: YOU KNOW, YOU SHOULD THINK.
ABOUT GROWING A MUSTACHE. I BET
YOUR GIRLFRIEND WOULD THINK IT"S COOL.
Drake: OW, OW, OW! DON"T SAY "GIRLFRIEND."
Josh: WHY NOT?
Drake: BECAUSE TORI AND I ARE.
JUST DATING. I DON"T LIKE THE
WORD "GIRLFRIEND."
Josh: MINDY"S MY GIRLFRIEND.
I DON"T HAVE A PROBLEM SAYING IT.
Drake: OH, JOSH, HOW CAN I.
EXPLAIN THIS TO YOU? YOU SEE,
GIRLS ARE A LOT LIKE... CANDY.
Josh: CANDY?
Drake: RIGHT. LET"S SAY TORI IS.
THE MEGATHON BAR.
Josh: TORI IS THE MEGATHON BAR.
Drake: GREAT CANDY BAR, RIGHT?
Josh: SURE.
Drake: YEAH, BUT I WOULDN"T WANT.
THIS TO BE THE ONLY CANDY IN MY
LIFE, WOULD YOU?
Josh: NO.
Drake: EXACTLY. I MEAN, SOME.
DAYS WE"D WANT A FLUTTER NUTTER...
Josh: SURE.
Drake: OTHER DAYS SOME SQUIGGLES...
Josh: I LIKE THE SQUIGGLES.
Drake: AND DWEEBS AND PUDDYCATS.
AND MELON Ms.
Josh: ALL RIGHT, WILL YOU CUT TO THE CHASE?
Drake: SURE. YOU SEE, WE AS MEN.
CAN ENJOY THE MEGATHON BAR
WHENEVER WE WANT, BUT THAT
DOESN"T MEAN WE HAVE TO MAKE IT
OUR CANDYFRIEND.
Tori: HEY. Drake: OH, HEY. I WAS JUST.
GETTING YOUR SODA. Tori: THANKS, BUT MY MOM JUST.
CALLED AND SHE WANTS ME TO GET
HOME, SO I BETTER... WERE YOU JUST
BUYING ME ALL THIS CANDY?
Drake: WELL, I...
Tori: THAT IS SO SWEET OF YOU.
IS HE THE CUTEST BOYFRIEND OR WHAT?
Drake: BOYFRIEND? Tori: THE CUTEST.
Josh: LOOKS LIKE ALL YOU GOT IS.
A MEGATHON BAR. Gavin: I GOT IT.
♪ I NEVER THOUGHT THAT IT"D BE
SO SIMPLE, BUT I FOUND A WAY,
I FOUND A WAY, IF YOU OPEN UP YOUR MIND ♪
♪ IT"S GONNA TAKE SOME TIME TO REALIZE,
BUT IF YOU LOOK INSIDE,
I "M SURE YOU" LL FIND, OVER YOUR SHOULDER,
YOU KNOW THAT I TOLD YOU
I"LL ALWAYS BE PICKING YOU UP
WHEN YOU"RE DOWN, SO JUST TURN AROUND ♪
♪ OOH OOH OOOOOOOH ♪
Josh: WHAT?
Megan: SO, ARE YOU TWO, LIKE, DATING NOW?
Mindy: YEAH.
Josh: YES, WE ARE.
Megan: WHY?
Josh: I HAPPEN TO FIND MINDY.
VERY APPEALING.
Megan: OH, I UNDERSTAND THAT.
I "M TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHAT"S
GONE WRONG IN HERHEAD.
Mindy: MEGAN, I KNOW IT"S HARD.
FOR YOU TO UNDERSTAND, BUT I
THINK JOSH IS VERY SMART, FUNNY,
INTERESTING, AND CUTE.
Megan: DID YOU PUT SOMETHING IN HER FOOD?
Josh: ALL RIGHT, THAT"S IT! OUT!
Megan: WAIT. CAN I JUST TAKE A.
FEW PICTURES OF YOU FIRST?
Josh: SURE. WHAT FOR?
Megan: IT"S FOR A SCHOOL PAPER.
I"M WRITING ABOUT HOW FACIAL
HAIR MAKES SOME PEOPLE LOOK MORE
ATTRACTIVE.
Josh: OH.
Megan: AND HOW IT MAKES OTHERS.
LOOK MORE STUPID.
Josh: OUT! Megan: OOH, THAT WAS A GOOD ONE.
Josh: I AM SO TIRED OF HER AND.
DRAKE BUGGING ME ABOUT MY "STACHE."
Mindy: UH-HUH.
Josh: WHAT DOES "UH-HUH" MEAN?
Mindy: JUST UH-HUH.
Josh: NO, THAT WASN"T JUST AN.
UH-HUH UH-HUH. THAT WAS A UH-HUHUH-HUH.
Mindy: NO, NO.
Josh: YOU HATE MY "STACHE."
Mindy: OH, HATE IS A VERY.
STRONG... ACCURATE WORD.
Josh: MINDY...
Mindy: KIDDING. I WAS KIDDING. I.
LIKE IT. SERIOUSLY.
Josh: YOU DO?
Mindy: SURE. I"LL GIVE YOU 30.
BUCKS TO SHAVE IT OFF.
Josh: OH... Drake: HEY, JOSH.
Josh: AHEM.
Drake: YEAH?
Josh: MINDY"S HERE.
Drake: OH, RIGHT. I"LL CALL THE.
EXTERMINATOR.
Mindy: OH, WHAT"S THE MATTER,
DRAKE? YOU FEELING STRESSED
ABOUT HAVING A GIRLFRIEND?
Drake: TORI IS NOT MY GIRLFRIEND.
Mindy: THAT"S NOT WHAT I HEAR.
Drake: YEAH, WELL, IT DOESN"T.
MATTER WHAT YOU HEAR BECAUSE I"M
GONNA BREAK UP WITH HER TOMORROW AT SCHOOL.
Josh: HOW COME?
Drake: YOU HEARD HER CALL ME HER.
BOYFRIEND. SOMETHING HAS TO BE
DONE. IN FACT, I"M JUST GONNA
BREAK UP WITH HER RIGHT NOW.
Mindy: YOU CAN"T END A.
RELATIONSHIP WITH A PHONE CALL.
Drake: DUH. I"M GONNA TEXT MESSAGE HER.
Josh: JUST TELL HER IN PERSON.
Drake: I CAN"T, MAN. I MEAN,
WHAT IF SHE "S A CRIER? I CAN"T
HANDLE IT WHEN A GIRL CRIES.
Mindy: SURE YOU CAN. YOU JUST NEED PRACTICE. DRAKE.
ALL RIGHT, NOW, JOSH, YOU BE
TORI. DRAKE, YOU BE YOU.
Josh: [WHINING] I WANTED TO BE DRAKE.
Mindy: TOO BAD. READY, SET, BREAK UP.
Drake: ALL RIGHT. UH, TORI?
Josh: [EXAGGERATED WHINY VOICE]
WHAT IS IT, DRAKE?
Drake: OK, I CAN"T DO THIS IF.
HE"S GONNA TALK LIKE THAT.
Josh: I"M BEING A GIRL.
Drake: WHAT GIRL HAS A.
MUSTACHE OTHER THAN YOUR GRANDMOTHER?
Josh: THAT TEARS IT! AAH!
Mindy: STOP IT! STOP IT!
STOP IT! STOP IT! ALL RIGHT? JUST DO THIS.
Drake: [SIGHS] TORI...
Josh: [HIGH VOICE] MM-HMM? Mindy: NOW TAKE HER HANDS.
Drake: NOW, I REALLY LIKE YOU.
I... Josh: [GIDDILY] OHHHH. HA HA.
Drake: BUT I THINK WE"RE GONNA.
HAVE TO BREAK UP.
[CRYING, SOBBING]
Drake: SEE, I CAN"T HANDLE THAT.
Mindy: JUST KEEP GOING. YOU CAN HANDLE IT.
Drake: I... I... LOOK, I JUST THINK
I NEED TO DATE OTHER PEOPLE.
AND YOU SHOULD, TOO.
Josh: WELL, I GUESS I UNDERSTAND.
Drake: UH, JUST ONE MORE THING.
Josh: YES?
Josh: SHAVE OFF THE MUSTACHE! Josh: OUT!
Drake: TORI?
Tori: OH, HEY, DRAKE.
Drake: UH, YOU GOT A SEC TO TALK?
TALK? Tori: YEAH, SURE.
Drake: [SIGHS] TORI...
Tori: YOU"RE BREAKING UP WITH ME?
Drake: OK, HOW DID YOU KNOW THAT?
Tori: BECAUSE GUYS JUST DON"T.
GO, [SIGHS] "TORI," UNLESS
THEY"RE DUMPING YOU.
Drake: WELL, I WOULDN "T SAY I" M.
DUMPING YOU.
Tori: YOU"RE NOT DUMPING ME?
Drake: NO, I AM. I... I JUST.
WOULDN"T SAY IT.
Tori: LOOK, I GET IT. YOU WANT.
TO DATE OTHER PEOPLE.
Drake: WELL...
Tori: IT"S COOL. SERIOUSLY, NO.
HARD FEELINGS.
Drake: YOU ARE AWESOME. WANT TO.
MAKE OUT A LITTLE BIT?
Tori: I DON"T THINK SO.
SEE YOU LATER, DRAKE. HUG GOOD-BYE?
Man: WHASSUP? Josh: WHASSUP?
Mindy: HAPPY SATURDAY.
Josh: HEY, WHAT BRINGS YOU TO THE PREMIERE?
Mindy: I JUST THOUGHT I"D BRING.
YOU A LITTLE LUNCH.
Josh: WHOA. HOW COOL ARE YOU?
LET"S SEE, WE GOT A LITTLE HAM
AND CHEESE ACTION. Mindy: CHEDDAR.
Josh: SOME APPLE WEDGES.
Mindy: WITH THE CARAMEL DIPPIN" SAUCE.
Josh: I SAY CARAMEL, BUT ALL.
RIGHT. JUICE BOX.
Mindy: WITH BENDY STRAW.
Josh: AND FOR DESSERT...
SHAVING CREAM AND A RAZOR.
YEAH, SO I"M GONNA SKIP DESSERT.
Mindy: COME ON, JOSH, JUST SHAVE IT OFF.
Josh: NO. ALL RIGHT, MY "STACHE."
HAS CHANGED MY WHOLE LIFE.
Mindy: HOW?
Josh: SEE THAT COOL-LOOKING GUY.
STANDING OVER THERE?
Mindy: YEAH.
Josh: 2 MINUTES AGO, HE WALKED.
RIGHT BY ME, SAW MY "STACHE,
SAID, ""SUP?"
Mindy: SO YOU LIKE THE MUSTACHE.
BECAUSE IT HELPS YOU MEET STRANGE MEN.
Josh: NO. IT JUST SORT OF UPS MY.
COOL "CAUSE..." CAUSE A GUY LIKE
THAT DOESN"T JUST GO WALKING
AROUND HANDING OUT "SUPS."
Mindy: RIGHT. OF COURSE NOT.
Josh: I APPRECIATE THE LUNCH,
BUT I GOTTA GET BACK TO WORK.
Mindy: OK. Josh: LATER.
Josh: WHAT?
Mindy: LOOK, I HATE TO DO THIS,
JOSH, BUT I AM NOT KISSING YOU
UNTIL YOU SHAVE OFF THAT MUSTACHE.
Josh: WELL, I "M NOT SHAVIN" MY.
"STACHE UNTIL YOU KISS ME."
Mindy: FINE.
Josh: FINE. BUT KNOW THIS, MINDY.
CRENSHAW. I WENT 15 YEARS
WITHOUT KISSING A GIRL. I COULD WAIT.
WAIT. Man: "SUP?"
Man: "SUP? Drake: I"LL CALL YOU.
HELLO.
Josh: WHAT ARE YOU SO GIDDY ABOUT?
ABOUT? A GIRL"S PHONE NUMBER?
"14 GIRLS" PHONE NUMBERS?
Drake: YUP. THERE"S A LOT OF.
CANDY OUT THERE, JOSH, AND YOU
ARE LOOKING AT MR. WILLY WONKA.
Josh: EX-GIRLFRIEND... 9 O"CLOCK.
OH, WOW.
Drake: YEAH, THERE"S TORI.
Josh: YEAH, BUT...
LOOK, SHE"S WITH ANOTHER GUY.
Drake: DOESN"T BOTHER ME.
Josh: REALLY? HE"S A PRETTY.
GOOD-LOOKING DUDE.
Drake: I GUESS, BUT IT STILL.
DOESN"T BOTHER ME.
Josh: HOW ABOUT THAT? Drake: YEAH, THAT BOTHERS ME.
Drake: JOSH, YOU"RE NOT GONNA BELIEVE...
Josh: BELIEVE WHAT?
Drake: WERE YOU JUST COMBING YOUR MUSTACHE?
Josh: NO.
Drake: SO WHAT"S IN YOUR HAND?
Josh: OOH, UH, IT"S JUST A COMB.
FOR, UH... FOR MY HAIR.
Drake: UH-HUH.
Josh: WHAT DO YOU WANT?
Drake: WOULD YOU LOOK AT TORI?
Josh: YEAH. SHE"S WITH THAT GUY AGAIN.
Drake: NO, THAT"S A DIFFERENT GUY.
Josh: WHAT"S YOUR PROBLEM?
YOU"RE THE ONE THAT BROKE UP WITH HER.
Drake: YEAH, I KNOW, BUT I.
JUST... I FEEL KIND OF WEIRD ABOUT THIS.
OH, HEY. SHE "S ALONE. I" M GONNA
GO TALK TO HER.
Josh: WHAT FOR?
Drake: TO GET BACK TOGETHER.
Josh: DRAKE, YOU DON"T GET BACK WITH A GIRL JUST BECAUSE YOU"RE.
JEALOUS OF HER NEW BOYFRIENDS.
Drake: YEAH, TRUE...
BUT I"M GONNA DO IT ANYWAY.
HELLO, TORI.
Tori: WHAT"S UP, DRAKE?
Drake: SO I"VE BEEN THINKING I.
MIGHT GET BACK TOGETHER WITH YOU.
Tori: I SEE, AND DO I HAVE ANY SAY IN THIS?
Drake: YEAH, YOU CAN SAY OK.
Tori: YEAH, I DON"T THINK SO, DRAKE.
Drake: BUT I"M DRAKE.
Tori: YES, BUT I"M HAVING A.
REALLY GOOD TIME DATING
DIFFERENT GUYS. YOU KNOW,
PLAYING THE FIELD.
Drake: I"M IN A BAND.
Tori: BYE, DRAKE.
Drake: JOSH, YOU"RE NOT GONNA BELIEVE WHAT JUST...
BELIEVE WHAT JUST... Mindy: JOSH?
Josh: I"M NOT SHAVING IT OFF.
Mindy: OK, JOSH.
YOU KNOW, IT"S BEEN ABOUT 2
WEEKS SINCE WE KISSED.
Josh: MINDY, I WAITED 15 YEARS,
15 LONG KISSLESS YEARS. YOU"LL
GIVE IN WAY BEFORE I DO.
Mindy: REALLY?
WHY, WHAT"S THIS?
OH, IT"S MY NEW LIP GLOSS. MMM.
APRICOT. DO YOU LIKE THE SMELL
OF APRICOTS, JOSH?
Josh: I SAY A-PRICOT.
Mindy: SMELL THE GLOSS, JOSH.
Josh: OH!
Mindy: TO KISS ME, ALL YOU GOTTA.
DO IS SHAVE.
Josh: NO! MM!
"Mindy: OK, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? Josh: RUNNIN" OFF MY DESIRES!
Drake: RUNNING OFF HIS DESIRES?
Mindy: YEAH.
Josh: [TAKES DEEP BREATH]
YEAH, THAT"S ENOUGH EXERCISE...
FOR THE YEAR.
[DRAKE SIGHS]
Mindy: WOW. BIG SIGH.
Drake: YEAH, I"VE SIGHED BIGGER.
Mindy: SO WHAT"S WRONG?
Drake: OK, YOU"RE KIND OF A GIRL, RIGHT?
Mindy: WELL, IF NOT, I"VE BEEN.
BUYING THE WRONG UNDERWEAR.
Drake: WELL, DO YOU KNOW THAT.
GIRL I WAS DATING?
Mindy: OHH, YES. JOSH TOLD ME.
THE WHOLE STORY. YOU DUMPED HER.
SHE "S DATING NEW GUYS. YOU" RE A
JEALOUS MESS.
Drake: SO HOW DO I GET HER BACK?
Mindy: DRAKE, YOU GOT JEALOUS.
WHEN YOU SAW HER ON A DATE.
Drake: RIGHT.
Mindy: SO TO MAKE HER JEALOUS, YOU...
Drake: PUT A STINK BOMB IN HER BACKPACK.
OR... Mindy: DO I HAVE TO SPELL THIS.
OUT FOR YOU?
Drake: WOULD YOU? Mindy: YOU DATE SOMEONE ELSE TO.
MAKE HER JEALOUS!
Drake: OH, RIGHT! AND WHERE DO I.
PUT THE STINK BOMB?
Mindy: I"LL TELL YOU WHERE TO PUT IT!
Josh: MINDY.
Mindy: UH, I"M GONNA GO GET A.
BOTTLE OF WATER.
Josh: MAKE THAT 2, PLEASE.
Mindy: HEY, MEGAN.
Megan: HEY.
Mindy: WHATCHA DOIN"?
Megan: CUTTING UP A PINEAPPLE.
Mindy: I SEE.
LISTEN, YOU WANT TO MAKE $30? Megan: KEEP TALKING.
[SHAVER BUZZES]
Drake: WHAT"S GOING ON?
[TURNS OFF SHAVER]
MEGAN?
Megan: HEY.
Drake: WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN OUR ROOM?
Megan: I, UH... HA HA...
FORGOT TO GIVE JOSH A HUG GOOD
NIGHT. SWEET, SWEET JOSH. SLEEP
TIGHT, LITTLE BOOB. WELL, GOOD NIGHT.
Drake: JOSH, IS TORI HERE?
Josh: UM... UH, YEAH, SHE"S OVER.
THERE WITH ANOTHER GOOD-LOOKING GUY.
Drake: OH, GOOD, "CAUSE I GOT A."
HOT DATE COMING HERE ANY...
WHAT HAPPENED TO THE OTHER HALF
OF YOUR MUSTACHE?
Josh: I JUST WOKE UP THIS.
MORNING AND IT WAS GONE.
Drake: WELL, THEN, WHY DON"T YOU.
SHAVE OFF THE OTHER HALF?
Josh: NO. ALL RIGHT, THAT"S JUST.
WHAT MINDY WANTS ME TO DO.
Drake: DUDE, IF YOU SHAVE IT.
OFF, SHE WILL KISS YOU.
Josh: WELL, THERE ARE MORE.
IMPORTANT THINGS IN LIFE THAN
KISSING GIRLS.
Drake: NAME 2.
Josh: I CAN"T!
Drake: IF YOU HAVE TO KEEP YOUR.
DUMB MUSTACHE, COME HERE.
Josh: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
Drake: RE-STACHING YOU. Josh: OW!
DO I LOOK GOOD?
Drake: UH-HUH.
OOH! HERE COMES LIZA.
Josh: HOT LIZA?
Drake: THE HOTTEST. YOU THINK.
SHE"LL MAKE TORI JEALOUS, HUH?
Josh: HUH! HUH HUH HUH HUH HUH!
Liza: HEY, DRAKE.
Drake: HEY, LIZA.
YOU KNOW MY BROTHER JOSH.
Liza: SURE, HEY, JO... WHAT"S UP WITH HIS...
Drake: UH, COME WITH ME.
Liza: AAH!
Drake: OHH! SORRY. UM... SORRY ABOUT THAT.
Liza: IT"S OK.
SO WHAT MADE YOU WANT TO ASK ME
OUT ALL OF A SUDDEN?
Drake: UH, YOU KNOW, I JUST.
WANTED TO GET TO KNOW YOU
BETTER. SO TELL ME ABOUT YOU.
Liza: UM, WELL, I"M A PEOPLE.
PERSON AND I LOVE ANIMALS.
Drake: THAT"S NICE. Liza: MY DAD"S IN THE MILITARY,
SO WHEN I WAS LITTLE, WE USED TO
MOVE FROM CITY...
TO CITY. AND THEN I MOVED TO
SAN DIEGO AND I GOT INTO TEEN MODELING...
BUT WHAT I REALLY WANT TO DO IS
START ACTING AND MAYBE MOVE TO
L.A. ONE DAY.
[DRAKE GROANING AND BANGING]
Tori: DRAKE?
Drake: TORI? I DIDN"T KNOW YOU WERE HERE.
Tori: YEAH, I"M JUST HERE WITH.
MY FRIEND BRENT.
Drake: OH, THAT "S NICE. I" M JUST.
HERE WITH MY FRIEND HOT LIZA.
Liza: HUH?
Drake: SHE"S A TEEN MODEL, SHE.
LOVES ANIMALS, AND SHE"S IN THE MILITARY.
Liza: NO, MY DAD"S IN THE MILITARY.
Drake: SHH. I WAS JUST GONNA GO.
GET US SOMETHING TO DRINK.
Liza: ME, TOO. I"LL WALK WITH YOU.
Drake: YOU WANT ANYTHING?
Liza: OH, YEAH. CAN YOU GET ME A LARGE...
Drake: OH, THEY"RE OUT OF THAT.
SO WHAT DO YOU THINK OF LIZA?
PRETTY HOT, HUH?
Tori: DRAKE, BY ANY CHANCE, DID.
YOU BRING LIZA HERE TO TRY AND
MAKE ME JEALOUS?
Drake: NO. I... I CARE DEEPLY ABOUT HER.
Tori: YEAH? WHAT"S HER LAST NAME?
Drake: OH, UH, JOHN... JAMBALAYA.
Tori: LIZA JAMBALAYA?
Drake: OK. [SIGHS] TORI...
Tori: YOU WANT TO GET BACK.
TOGETHER WITH ME?
Drake: HOW"D YOU KNOW?
Tori: BECAUSE GUYS DON"T JUST.
GO, [SIGHS] "TORI" UNLESS
THEY"RE BREAKING UP WITH YOU OR
THEY WANT TO GET BACK TOGETHER
WITH YOU, AND YOU ALREADY DID
THE FIRST ONE.
Drake: WELL, DO YOU WANT TO GET.
BACK TOGETHER?
Tori: MAYBE. DO YOU?
Drake: MAYBE.
Tori: BUT I KIND OF FEEL BAD ABOUT BRENT.
Drake: OH, YEAH. UH... WAIT HERE.
BRENT, THIS IS LIZA. YOU LIKE HER?
Brent: UH, SURE.
Drake: COOL. SHE"S A PEOPLE.
PERSON, SHE LOVES ANIMALS, AND
HER DAD"S IN THE MILITARY.
Brent: REALLY? MY DAD"S IN THE.
MILITARY, TOO.
Liza: NO WAY.
Brent: COAST GUARD. Liza: NAVY!
Drake: OH, YOU KIDS HAVE FUN.
WE"RE GOOD TO GO. Tori: AWESOME.
Tori: AWESOME. Josh: "SUP?"
Josh: "SUP? Mindy: JOSH?"
JOSH?
Josh: I"M IN A MEETING.
Mindy: WOULD YOU COME OUT OF THERE?
OK. WHY DO YOU HAVE HALF A
MUSTACHE MADE OF MAGIC MARKER?
Josh: I WOKE UP YESTERDAY.
MORNING AND HALF MY MUSTACHE WAS JUST GONE.
Mindy: HALF?
THAT GIRL OWES ME 15 BUCKS.
Josh: HUH?
Mindy: NOTHING. GO ON.
Josh: SO THEN DRAKE SAID I LOOK.
STUPID SO HE FILLED IN THE
MISSING HALF WITH MAGIC MARKER.
BUT THEN I JUST DECIDED TO GET
RID OF THE WHOLE THING, SO I
SHAVED OFF THE HAIR HALF AND NOW
I CAN"T GET THE MAGIC MARKER HALF OFF.
Mindy: WELL, HERE.
YOU SHOULD AT LEAST BE SYMMETRICAL. THERE.
Josh: DO I LOOK GOOD?
Mindy: UH-HUH.
Josh: [SIGHS] THE POWER OF THE "STACHE."
Drake: YOU KNOW, I GOT TO TELL.
YOU, I HATE YOUR GIRLFRIEND, BUT
HER IDEA TO MAKE TORI JEALOUS
WAS REALLY SMART.
Josh: NOT THAT SMART. THEY"VE.
DONE IT ON EVERY SITCOM SINCE
1950s. SURE DO MISS KISSING HER, YOU KNOW?
Drake: YEAH, I MISS KISSING TORI.
[CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL
[ CAPTIONING INSTITUTE. www.ncicap.org... ]