Josh: THE BIGGEST DIFFERENCE.
BETWEEN ME AND DRAKE IS I'M RESPONSIBLE.
DRAKE'S IRRESPONSIBLE.
Drake: UH, HI. I KINDA FORGOT
I WAS SUPPOSED TO HAVE A STORY READY. UH...
Josh: OH! LIKE THE TIME DRAKE.
AND I FIXED UP THAT DUNE BUGGY.
Drake: WOW, THIS IS AWKWARD.
Josh: ONE TIME, DAD LET US TAKE.
THE DUNE BUGGY TO THE DESERT SO
WE COULD RIDE AROUND IN IT.
AND, LIKE, 2 MINUTES AFTER THAT,
WE RAN OUT OF GAS. IT WAS...
[CELL PHONE RINGS]
HELLO?
Drake: HEY. WHAT STORY ARE YOU TELLING?
Josh: YOU CANNOT STEAL MY STORY!
Drake: I'M NOT. I JUST WANT TO.
KNOW 'CAUSE IT MIGHT HELP ME THINK OF ONE.
Josh: I'M TELLING THEM ABOUT THE.
TIME THAT WE WENT TO THE DESERT
AND BROUGHT THE DUNE BUGGY AND...
Drake: OH, PERFECT! THANKS!
Jake: DRAKE? DRAKE? YOU BETTER.
NOT STEAL MY STORY, OR I SWEAR...
Drake: SO ONE TIME, ME AND JOSH TAKE THE DUNE BUGGY OUT TO THE.
DESERT, RIGHT? AND JOSH TELLS ME
TO MAKE SURE IT'S FILLED WITH
GAS AND TO BRING SOME WATER... Josh: AAH!
Drake: AAH! UHH!
Drake: JOSH! WHERE ARE YOU?!
JOSH, YOU HOME YET?
Josh: DRAKE, WHAT'S WRONG?
ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? DID SOMETHING
HAPPEN TO OPRAH?
Drake: NO, BUT LOOK WHAT I GOT.
IN THE MAIL. CANDY.
Jake: CANDY?
Drake: SPECIAL CANDY.
Jake: THAT'S THE BIG EMERGENCY?
[MIMICKING DRAKE] CANDY?
Drake: NOT JUST ANY CANDY, JOSH.
THESE ARE SUPER POWER MEGA-SOURS.
Josh: SUPER POWER MEGA-SOURS?
Drake: THE HOTTEST AND THE.
SOUREST CANDIES IN THE GALAXY.
AH! AND THERE IT IS.
Josh: IT'S A PRETTY BIG DAY FOR.
YOU, ISN'T IT?
Drake: THE BIGGEST.
HERE GOES.
Josh: WELL?
Drake: WELL, IT'S PRETTY SOUR.
AND PRETTY HOT, AND...
I JUST EXPECTED IT TO BE MORE...
OH, MY GOD! OH! OH, MAN! WHOA!
OH, IT HURTS! OH! OH, MY TONGUE!
Josh: SPIT IT OUT.
Drake: [GARBLED] NO. I LOVE IT!
WHY ARE YOU WEARING A GOLD VEST?
Josh: WHY AM I WEARING A GOLD VEST?
Drake: UH-HUH. DID HELEN PROMOTE YOU?
Josh: NO, HELEN DID NOT PROMOTE.
ME. SHE'S GETTING LASER EYE SURGERY TODAY.
Drake: LASER EYE SURGERY?
Josh: YEAH. SO I GET TO BE.
ASSISTANT MANAGER UNTIL SHE GETS BACK.
Drake: OH, COOL.
Josh: AND, HEY, MAYBE IF I DO A GOOD JOB, SHE'LL LET ME BE.
ASSISTANT MANAGER PERMANENTLY,
AND I'll GET TO KEEP THIS GOLD VEST.
Megan: I CAN TELL YOU HOW TO GET PROMOTED.
Josh: HOW?
Megan: WELL, WHENEVER YOU GO TO.
THE MOVIES, IT'S A BIG PAIN IN
THE BUTT WHEN YOU HAVE TO CARRY
YOUR POPCORN AND YOUR DRINK AND
YOUR CANDY, RIGHT?
Josh: YEAH.
Drake: ABSOLUTELY.
Megan: SO WE CREATE A THING THAT.
HOLDS ALL OF IT, ONE CONTAINER,
AND WE CAN CALL IT CUPPA-STUFF.
I'll SPLIT THE PROFITS WITH YOU 50-50.
Josh: EXCUSE ME. OPERATOR? YEAH,
COULD YOU PUT ME THROUGH TO THE
DUMB IDEA POLICE?
Megan: SUCH A SMALL BRAIN IN.
SUCH A BIG BOOB.
Drake: [SIGHS] HEY, DOES MY.
TONGUE LOOK ALL RIGHT?
Josh: YEAH, IT LOOKS FINE.
Drake: GOOD.
♪ I NEVER THOUGHT THAT IT'D BE SO SIMPLE,
BUT I FOUND A WAY, I FOUND A WAY,
IF YOU OPEN UP YOUR MIND,
SEE WHAT'S INSIDE,
IT'S GONNA TAKE SOME TIME TO REALIZE,
BUT IF YOU LOOK INSIDE,
I'M SURE YOU'LL FIND OVER YOUR SHOULDER
YOU KNOW THAT I TOLD YOU
I'D ALWAYS BE PICKING YOU UP
WHEN YOU'RE DOWN, SO JUST TURN AROUND,
OHHHHH ♪
Josh: UH, GAVIN, DID YOU CHECK.
TOILET NUMBER 3 IN THE MEN'S REST ROOM?
Gavin: NAH.
Josh: WELL, GO CHECK IT RIGHT NOW.
Gavin: NAH.
Josh: BUT I'M THE ASSISTANT MANAGER.
CARRY ON!
Drake: YOU KNOW, IF I WEREN'T.
HERE RIGHT NOW, YOU'D BE THE
HOTTEST PERSON IN THIS MOVIE THEATER.
Girl: WOW. I GUESS THAT'S A COMPLIMENT.
Drake: FREE SODA?
Girl: SURE.
Josh: DRAKE, YOU CAN'T USE THE.
SODA GUN. YOU'RE NOT CERTIFIED!
Drake: I'VE GOT TO BE CERTIFIED TO DO THIS?
Josh: OH! YOU GOT YOUR GERMS ALL.
OVER THE NOZZLE!
SHOULDN'T YOU BE HOME WATCHING MEGAN?
Drake: NO, I BROUGHT HER HERE TO.
SEE SOME MOVIE WITH A FRIEND FROM SCHOOL.
Man: OH! OH! OH! OH, MAN!
I DROPPED MY SODA, MY POPCORN
AND EVERYTHING.
Megan: YO, BOOB!
DID YOU SEE WHAT JUST HAPPENED?
Josh: SO? Megan: TOO BAD HE DIDN'T HAVE.
A CUPPA-STUFF.
Josh: I'M NOT INTERESTED IN YOUR.
CRAZY CUP IDEA. IT'LL NEVER WORK.
Megan: OH, YEAH? 'CAUSE I BUILT.
A PROTOTYPE.
SEE? SODA GOES IN THE BOTTOM,
PUT THE POPCORN ON TOP, AND YOU
GOT 2 SIDE POCKETS TO HOLD YOUR CANDY.
Gavin: THAT IS SO AWESOME.
Josh: JUST KEEP WALKING!
AND I SAY NERTZ TO YOUR DUMB CUP
IDEA AS LONG AS I'M IN CHARGE,
AND I'M IN CHARGE UNTIL HELEN GETS BACK.
Helen: I'M BACK!
Josh: AW, JEEZ!
Megan: SEE YA.
Josh: HELEN, WHAT ARE YOU DOING.
HERE? YOU JUST HAD LASER EYE
SURGERY... AN HOUR AND A HALF AGO?
Helen: THAT'S RIGHT. I HAD MY SURGERY, DROPPED OFF MY DRY.
CLEANING, AND STOPPED OFF FOR A
FISH TACO, AND HERE I AM!
HEY, HEY!
Josh: SHOULDN'T YOU BE AT HOME?
YOU CAN'T SEE.
Helen: I SEE YOU GETTING ON MY.
NERVES, THAT'S WHAT I SEE.
Man: I DROPPED MY SODA. CAN I.
GET ANOTHER ONE, PLEASE? Josh: YEAH, I'll GET IT.
Helen: NO, I'll GET IT.
Man: OH! OH!
STOP! OH, MAN!
Helen: THAT'LL BE 3.75.
Josh: HELEN, YOU JUST COLAED.
THAT MAN IN THE FACE.
Helen: WELL, I GUESS MAYBE I.
SHOULD GO HOME FOR A WHILE AND
GET MY REST ON.
Josh: YOU MEAN I GET TO BE.
ASSISTANT MANAGE THE REST OF THE DAY?
Helen: OH, YOU'RE GONNA MANAGE.
ALL RIGHT. YOU'RE GONNA MANAGE ME.
Josh: HUH? Helen: YOU'RE GONNA HELP ME GET.
SITUATED BACK AT MY CONDO.
NOW, HERE'S THE KEYS TO MY BUICK. LET'S GO.
Josh: YOU DROVE HERE WHEN YOU COULDN'T SEE?
Helen: YEAH, NOT MY BEST IDEA.
COME ON.
Josh: JUST GIVE ME ONE SECOND.
Helen: OK.
Josh: DRAKE?
Drake: YEAH?
Josh: YOU JUST MET HER, AND.
YOU'RE ALREADY KISSING?
Drake: I GAVE HER A SODA.
Josh: WHATEVER. LOOK, I HAVE TO.
TAKE HELEN HOME, ALL RIGHT, AND
I NEED YOU TO FOLLOW ME SO I CAN
GET A RIDE BACK.
Drake: HMM, KISS PRETTY GIRL...
DRIVE BROTHER IN TRAFFIC... HMM.
Josh: PLEASE? LOOK, IF I MAKE.
HELEN HAPPY, SHE MIGHT MAKE ME
ASSISTANT MANAGER PERMANENTLY.
JUST DRIVE ME.
Drake: YEAH. HERE'S A LITTLE.
SONG FOR YA. AHEM.
♪ NO ♪
Josh: HEY, IF YOU DON'T DRIVE.
ME, I'M TELLING DAD YOU'RE THE
ONE WHO ATE HIS SPECIAL FRENCH PORK CHOP.
Drake: SEE YA. LET'S ROLL.
Josh: OK, HELEN. YOU READY?
Helen: I'VE BEEN READY.
Josh: ALL RIGHT. LET'S GO.
Helen: LET ME JUST GET MY PURSE.
Josh: I'll GET IT. Helen: NO, I'll GET IT!
Josh: OW! OW! OW!
Josh: OK, HELEN, WE'RE AT YOUR.
PLACE. DRAKE, TURN ON THE LIGHTS.
Drake and Josh: OH... MY... GOD.
Helen: WHAT'S WRONG?!
IS SOMEONE IN THE HOUSE?!
Drake: WHOA! WATCH IT, HELEN!
Josh: HEY! EVERYTHING IS FINE!
Drake: YEAH. IT'S JUST YOUR PLACE.
Helen: WHAT ABOUT IT?
Josh: IT'S INCREDIBLE.
Drake: IT'S INSANE.
Helen: OH, WELL, THANKS, DRAKE.
Josh: YOU HAVE A HAMSTER?
Helen: YEAH. HIS NAME'S NUBBY.
YOU CAN PET HIM IF YOU LIKE.
Josh: OK.
HEY THERE, LITTLE... OW!
Helen: OH, YEAH. HE BITES.
Josh: REALLY?
Helen: HEY, JOSH, GIVE ME THE.
PILLS MY DOCTOR GAVE ME. I'M
STARTING TO FEEL A LITTLE PAIN IN MY EYES.
Josh: OK, HELEN.
HERE YOU GO. PILLS.
Helen: GOOD.
Drake: MAN, HELEN. YOU GOT A.
GROOVE MACHINE...
AND A HOT TUB? MAN, HELEN. THIS
PLACE MUST HAVE COST YOU, LIKE, A BILLION DOLLARS.
Josh: YEAH, YEAH. HOW DO YOU AFFORD ALL THIS?
Helen: IS THAT SOME OF YOUR BUSINESS?
Drake: HOW DO YOU AFFORD IT? Helen: WELL, I'll TELL YOU,
DRAKE. I STILL GET MONEY FROM HAPPY TIMES.
Josh: HAPPY TIMES? WASN'T THAT,
LIKE, A TV SHOW BACK IN THE SEVENTIES?
Helen: THAT'S THE ONE.
Drake: WHOA. YOU PLAYED THE.
LITTLE SISTER ON HAPPY TIMES?
Helen: YES. I WAS LITTLE GEORGIA.
Drake: THAT'S AWESOME. Josh: THAT'S SO COOL.
Helen: WELL, YOU KNOW, I DON'T.
LIKE TO BRAG ABOUT IT, YOU KNOW.
YOU WANT TO WATCH AN EPISODE?
Josh: YEAH, WE DO.
Helen: HA HA! THE TAPE'S ON TOP OF THE VCR. JOSHY, HELP ME TO.
THE SOFA HERE.
JUST PUT IT ON AUXILIARY ONE
AND PRESS "PLAY."
Josh: AUXILIARY ONE... AND "PLAY."
Boy: HEY, GEORGIA. COME THROW.
THE FOOTBALL WITH ME.
Georgia: IF YOU THROW THAT FOOTBALL IN THIS HOUSE, MAMA'S.
GONNA BEAT YOU LIKE A CHEAP DRUM.
Boy: HERE, CATCH.
Woman: MARK! YOU GO TO YOUR ROOM RIGHT NOW!
Mark: YES, MA'AM.
Woman: AND, GEORGIA, YOU GET SOME PAPER TOWELS AND HELP ME.
CLEAN THIS MESS UP.
Georgia: THAT IS NOT MY JOB!
Drake: [IMITATING GEORGIA]
"THAT IS NOT MY JOB."
Helen: YEAH, THAT WAS MY CATCH PHRASE.
Josh: [IMITATING GEORGIA]
"THAT IS NOT MY JOB."
Helen: YOU DON'T DO IT RIGHT.
Drake: HEY, HELEN, YOU WANT TO.
PLAY SOME GROOVE MACHINE?
Josh: SHE CAN'T SEE.
Helen: I DON'T NEED TO SEE IT TO SHAKE IT. JUST PUT IT ON.
AUXILIARY 2. COME ON, DRAKE.
LET'S DROP IT LIKE IT'S HOT.
[DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]
Drake: YEAH! SHAKE IT!
Helen: I'M SHAKING IT, BABY!
WHOO!
Josh: I WANNA GROOVE.
Helen: WELL, GET UP HERE AND.
SHAKE YOUR PANTS, THEN.
HEY! YEAH!
UH-HUH.
Josh: WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.
[TURNS MUSIC OFF] Josh: HELEN, WE WERE SUPPOSED TO.
PUT YOUR EYE DROPS IN AS SOON AS WE GOT HOME.
Helen: WELL, GO GET 'EM, THEN. Josh: ALL RIGHT.
Helen: WHOO. I BETTER SIT DOWN.
THESE PAIN PILLS ARE MAKING ME
LOOPIER THAN A LOOPY-LOOP.
Drake: WATCH IT. WATCH IT.
HOW MANY DID YOU TAKE?
Helen: I TOOK, UH, 2.2.
Drake: IT SAYS YOU'RE ONLY.
SUPPOSED TO TAKE ONE.
Helen: WHOOPSIE! [LAUGHS]
JOSH, WHERE ARE MY EYE DROPS?!
Josh: I'M RIGHT HERE. I'M JUST.
GETTING YOU A GLASS OF... AW, JEEZ!
Drake: WHAT'S THE MATTER?
Josh: I DROPPED HELEN'S EYE.
DROPS DOWN THE DRAIN.
Drake: WELL, GET 'EM OUT. CAN YOU SEE 'EM?
Josh: NO.
HERE, I'll TURN ON THE LIGHT.
[GARBAGE DISPOSAL STARTS]
[TURNS OFF DISPOSAL] Drake: WRONG SWITCH.
Josh: YA THINK?!
HELEN'S GONNA KILL ME.
Drake: NO, SHE WON'T. SHE'S ALL.
GIGGLY AND LOOPY ON THOSE PAIN PILLS.
Helen: JOSHY, WHERE ARE MY DROPS?
Josh: UM... UM...
THE, UH... THE PHARMACY, THEY...
THEY GAVE US THE WRONG ONES.
Helen: OH, MAN. I HATE PEOPLE.
Josh: UH, YEAH, BUT DON'T WORRY.
I'll, UM... I'll JUST RUN TO THE.
DRUGSTORE AND GET YOU THE RIGHT ONES.
Helen: GOOD. GET ME SOME TRAIL.
MIX AND A YO-YO. [GIGGLES]
Drake: YEAH, I THINK HER PAIN PILLS ARE WORKING.
Josh: OH, THEY'RE WORKING.
OK. I HAVE TO GO TO SMART-AID.
THEN I'M GONNA GO HOME AND PICK
UP A FEW THINGS. BUT STAY HERE
AND WATCH HELEN.
Drake: YOU MEAN YOU WANT ME TO STAY HERE WITH THE GROOVE.
MACHINE, THE PLASMA SCREEN,
AND THE HOT TUB? YEAH, I THINK
I CAN DO THAT.
Josh: JUST DON'T LET HELEN OUT.
OF YOUR SIGHT.
Drake: OK, PUSHY. GO.
ALL RIGHT, HELEN. READY FOR
GROOVE MACHINE ROUND 2?
Helen: YOU'RE ON, BUT THIS TIME LET'S DO IT RIGHT. PUSH THE.
BUTTON ON THE WALL THERE.
[DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]
Drake: OH, SWEET!
Josh: LET'S SEE. UH... BATHING SUIT,
EXTRA SOCKS, JAMMIE JAMS, DRAKE. DRAKE?!
Drake: HEY.
Josh: HEY? HEY?
Drake: HEY.
Josh: DRAKE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING.
HERE? YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE WATCHING HELEN.
Drake: I KNOW, BUT I CAME BACK.
TO GET A BATHING SUIT FOR THE HOT TUB.
Josh: YOU LEFT HELEN ALONE?!
Drake: SHE HAS A HAMSTER.
Josh: DRAKE! SHE CAN'T SEE,
AND SHE'S LOOPY! HELEN COULD...
COULD DROWN IN HER HOT TUB
OR... OR FALL OFF HER BALCONY
OR SUFFER SOME KIND OF
GROOVE-MACHINE RELATED CONCUSSION!
Drake: HEY, YOU'RE RIGHT.
OH, HEY, A YO-YO.
Josh: GIVE ME THE YO-YO!
COME ON!
Josh: HELEN?! HELEN?!
WHERE IS SHE?!
Drake: SHE'S PROBABLY JUST IN HER ROOM.
Josh: WELL, GO CHECK!
OH! HELEN! HELEN!
HELLO?
Drake: YEAH, SHE'S NOT THERE.
Josh: OH, WHERE COULD SHE BE?!
THE HOT TUB?! OH!
DON'T WORRY, HELEN! JOSHY'S COMING!
Josh: SHE'S NOT IN HERE.
I'VE LOST MY SIGHTLESS, LOOPY BOSS.
Drake: YEAH, BUT HOW NICE IS THAT HOT TUB?
Josh: AARRGGHH!
[BOTH YELLING]
Josh: COME HERE, PARTNER!
Josh: HELEN! HELEN! HELEN!
HELEN! GAVIN!
Gavin: HEY, JOSH.
Josh: HAVE YOU SEEN HELEN?
Gavin: NAH. BEEN SLEEPING ON THE ROOF.
CHECK THE LADIES' ROOM?
Josh: LADIES' ROOM!
[WOMEN SCREAMING]
Josh: HURTING MY ARM! HURTING MY ARM! AAH!
SHE WASN'T IN THERE.
Gavin: MAN, WHAT IF HELEN.
WANDERED INTO TRAFFIC, GOT, LIKE, KILLED?
IMAGINE THAT FUNERAL.
[PEOPLE WEEPING]
Reverend: TODAY, WE COME TO LAY.
TO REST HELEN OPHELIA DUBUOIS.
OR YOU MIGHT BETTER REMEMBER HER
AS GEORGIA, THE SPUNKY KID
SISTER IN THE HIT SHOW HAPPY TIMES.
Man: OH, YEAH! Woman: YEAH!
Drake: [IMITATING GEORGIA]
"THAT IS NOT MY JOB."
Reverend: BUT SADLY, THESE ARE.
NOT HAPPY TIMES, BECAUSE HELEN
WAS ABANDONED IN HER TIME OF
NEED. ABANDONED BY THAT MAN!
JOSH NICHOLS! HOW COULD YOU, JOSH?!
Mourners: IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT.
IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT.
Drake: THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT.
Woman: IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT.
[CELL PHONE RINGING]
Josh: HELLO?
Megan: HEY, JOSH, DID YOU LOSE SOMETHING?
Josh: WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
Megan: I FOUND YOUR BOSS AT THE.
PARK TALKING TO A BUSH, SO I
BROUGHT HER HOME.
Josh: HELEN'S AT OUR HOUSE?!
Megan: YEAH. LISTEN.
Helen: ONE CUP THAT HOLDS SODA.
AND POPCORN AND CANDY! HA HA HA!
THAT'S REVOLUTIONARY!
Megan: HEAR THAT?
Josh: JUST DON'T LET HER GO.
ANYWHERE, ALL RIGHT? I'M COMING TO GET HER.
Gavin: I'M GONNA TAKE A NAP ON THE ROOF.
Josh: HELEN?
Helen: JOSHY! WHAT'S UP, CLOWN?
Josh: UM, I'M GONNA TAKE YOU.
HOME NOW, OK, HELEN?
Helen: OKEY-DOKEY, ARTICHOKEY.
JUST ONE CUP HOLDS YOUR SODA
AND YOUR POPCORN!
Megan: DON'T FORGET THE CANDY COMPARTMENT.
Helen: OH, BRILLIANT! HA HA!
Josh: UGGRRHHH... COME ON!
Helen: OK.
[DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]
Drake: ALL RIGHT. WHO WANTS CRAB PUFFS?
All: ME! ME!
Drake: HERE, CATCH!
Drake: OH! SHH!
[TURNS MUSIC OFF]
Josh: I'M JUST GONNA SIT YOU OVER...
DRAKE! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
Helen: DRAKE'S STILL HERE?
COME GIVE HELEN A BIG OLD HUG.
Drake: OK, HELEN. I'M JUST GONNA.
GET UP OFF THE COUCH HERE REAL
QUICK AND COME OVER AND... HUG YA.
Helen: OK.
Drake: JUST A SECOND.
Helen: YEAH, THAT'S THE STUFF.
DRAKE, WHY ARE YOU ALL SWEATY?
Drake: OH. UH... WELL...
THAT'S JUST WHAT HAPPENS WHEN I
HUG A PRETTY GIRL.
Helen: OH! OH, DRAKE. YOU ARE.
TOO MUCH AND THEN SOME. HA HA!
Jake: HELEN, WOULD YOU EXCUSE US.
FOR A SEC? I JUST NEED TO ASK
DRAKE A QUESTION ABOUT... OUR HOMEWORK.
Drake: I DON'T DO HOMEWORK.
Josh: YOU'RE HAVING A HOT TUB.
PARTY IN HELEN'S CONDO?
Drake: UH-HUH.
Josh: I HAVE BEEN KILLING MYSELF.
TRYING TO PROVE TO HELEN THAT
I'M RESPONSIBLE ENOUGH TO BE
ASSISTANT MANAGER PERMANENTLY.
WHAT'S SHE GONNA THINK WHEN SHE
FINDS OUT I LET YOU TURN HER
CONDO INTO... TEENS GONE WILD?
Drake: SHE CAN'T SEE. JEEZ.
WHY ARE YOU ALL TENSE?
Josh: 'CAUSE YOU ARE IN MY LIFE!
Helen: YOU KNOW WHAT?
I THINK THIS MEDICATION'S
WEARING OFF. I FEEL ACHY. I'M
GONNA TAKE A HOT TUB.
Josh: YOU DON'T WANT TO DO THAT!
Helen: WHY NOT?
Josh: 'CAUSE YOU'LL, UH... GET ALL DAMP.
Helen: JOSH, I'VE HAD ONE.
LUDICROUS DAY, AND I WANT TO
TAKE A HOT TUB!
Josh: OK, UM...
WHY DON'T YOU, UH... GO PUT ON
YOUR SWIMSUIT AND... AND TAKE A
LONG TIME DOING IT? Helen: OH, NO, NO, NO. I'M NOT.
PUTTING ON MY SWIMSUIT IN FRONT OF 2 TEENAGE BOYS. IT'LL GET
YOUR HORMONES ALL IN A TIZZY.
Drake: NO, IT WOULDN'T.
Helen: I'M NOT GONNA RISK IT.
NOW, JOSH, YOU LEAD ME TO THE TUB. LEAD ME.
Josh: YOU MEAN YOU'RE JUST GONNA.
GET IN THE HOT TUB WITH ALL YOUR
CLOTHES ON? Helen: SURE. THIS OUTFIT'S 90%.
RAYON. WATER'S NOT GONNA HURT IT. NOW COME ON. LET'S TUB.
LET'S TUB.
Drake: OK. WE'RE HERE AT THE HOT TUB.
Helen: OK. WELL, LEAD ME UP THE STEPS. I CAN'T SEE A THING.
Drake: OK. 1. Helen: THERE'S 3.
Drake: 2, 3.
Josh: THERE YOU ARE. THERE YOU GO.
Helen: WHOO! YEAH, THAT... THAT'S.
NICE. AH! I'M JUST SO EXHAUSTED.
WHAT'S THIS?
Drake: THAT'S JUST ME, HELEN.
I WANTED TO TAKE A HOT TUB WITH
YOU, SO I JUST GOT IN. I HOPE THAT'S OK.
Helen: OF COURSE IT IS. BOY, YOU.
SURE GOT SOME SCRAWNY SHOULDERS.
Drake: YEAH.
Helen: AND, UH, WHAT'S THIS HERE.
IN THE WATER?
SMELLS LIKE A CRAB PUFF.
Josh: THAT'S A, UH... [TELEPHONE RINGS]
PHONE'S RINGING!
Drake: TELEPHONE!
Josh: HELLO? UH, YEAH. ONE SEC.
HELEN, IT'S YOUR DOCTOR.
Helen: GOOD. LET ME HAVE IT.
DR. BURNBAUM? YEAH, I FEEL FINE.
REALLY? I CAN TAKE THE BANDAGES
OFF MY EYES? Drake: WHAT?!
Josh: WHAT?!
Helen: HOLD ON A SECOND, DOC.
WELL, LET'S SEE IF THIS LASER
EYE SURGERY WAS WORTH IT.
Helen: HELLO, BOYS.
Drake and Josh: SURPRISE.
All: SURPRISE.
Helen: DR. BURNBAUM, I'M GONNA.
HAVE TO CALL YOU BACK.
WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?
Josh: [MUMBLING]
Helen: JOSH, YOU THREW A PARTY.
IN MY CONDOMINIUM WHILE I WAS
INCAPACITATED?
Josh: NO, I DID NOT, ALL RIGHT?
IT WAS ALL DRAKE'S IDEA.
Helen: DRAKE!
Drake: YEAH, HELEN, BUT...
Helen: THAT IS JUST ABOUT THE.
SWEETEST THING ANYBODY'S EVER DONE FOR ME!
Josh: HUH?!
Helen: YOU THREW A PARTY JUST TO.
CELEBRATE MY NEW AND IMPROVED EYE VISION!
Drake: WELL, I WAS JUST SO HAPPY FOR YOU.
Helen: DRAKE PARKER, I LOVE YOU.
LIKE THE SON I NEVER WANTED.
Drake: YEAH, WELL...
Helen: WELL, COME ON. LET'S GET THE PARTY STARTED. START SOME.
MUSIC AND DROP THE DISCO BALL.
[DISCO MUSIC PLAYING]
Josh: UNBELIEVABLE.
Josh: HELEN, YOU BOUGHT MEGAN'S.
CUPPA-STUFF IDEA?
Megan: YEAH, SHE DID.
Helen: I TELL YOU, YOU GOT A.
BRILLIANT LITTLE SISTER HERE.
EACH ONE ONLY COST A DOLLAR TO
MAKE, AND WE'RE SELLING THEM FOR
3.50. HA HA!
SO, MEGAN, COME WITH ME TO MY OFFICE, AND I'll GIVE YOU YOUR.
PROFITS SO FAR, 'CAUSE YOU HAVE
$700 COMING YOUR WAY.
Megan: SWEET!
Helen: OH, AND JOSH, CHECK OUT.
TOILET NUMBER 3 IN THE MEN'S REST ROOM.
Josh: YOU WANT TO HELP ME CHECK.
TOILET NUMBER 3?
Drake: [IMITATING GEORGIA]
THAT IS NOT MY JOB.
Mark: GEORGIA, IF I GOT TO CLEAN.
THE GARAGE, THE LEAST YOU CAN DO
IS HELP ME.
Georgia: THAT IS NOT MY JOB!
Helen: HA HA!
[BOTH LAUGH]
Megan: WOW. I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU.
WERE GEORGIA ON HAPPY TIMES.
THAT MUST HAVE BEEN SO FUN.
Helen: NO. SHOW BUSINESS IS TOUGH.
Megan: YEAH? Helen: YEAH. TRUST ME. YOU WOULD.
NOT WANT TO BE A LITTLE GIRL ON A TV SHOW.
Megan: INTERESTING.
[CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL
[ CAPTIONING INSTITUTE. www.ncicap.org... ]