OK, TEACHERS? THEY'RE SOME OF
THE GREATEST PEOPLE IN OUR LIVES.
ALL RIGHT, TEACHERS ARE SOME
OF THE MOST ANNOYING PEOPLE IN OUR LIVES.
WELL, EXCEPT FOR COACH BILBO.
AND THE WORST WAS COACH BILBO.
IT'S NOT THAT HE WAS A BAD TEACHER.
HE WAS A BAD TEACHER.
IT'S JUST THAT HE'D ALWAYS
GET SO ANGRY, YOU COULDN'T
UNDERSTAND WHAT HE WAS SAYING.
ALL HE DID WAS YELL... BUT YOU
COULDN'T UNDERSTAND A WORD OUTTA THE GUY'S MOUTH.
HE'D BE LIKE, [AS COACH
[BILBO] JOSH! [SLURRING, UNINTELLIGIBLE]
IF I WAS, LIKE, 3 SECONDS
LATE TO CLASS, HE'D BE ALL, [AS
[COACH BILBO] DRAKE! [GARBLED]
WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOIN'
SHOWIN' UP TO MY CLASS LATE?!
SO I'D SAY, "I'M SORRY, COACH
BILBO. WHAT YOU WANT ME TO DO?"
AND I'D BE LIKE, "WHAT?"
AND THEN HE'D GET MADDER AND
GO, [AS COACH BILBO] JOSH!
[SLURRING, UNINTELLIGIBLE]
AND THEN HE'D GET LIKE
FURIOUS AND GO, [AS COACH BILBO]
DRAKE! [SLURRING, UNINTELLIGIBLE]
DAD-GUMMIT!
AND THE MADDER HE GOT, THE
LESS I COULD UNDERSTAND HIM!
AND I'D BE LIKE, "DUDE...
WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?!"
BUT EVEN THOUGH COACH BILBO
WASN'T MY FAVORITE TEACHER, I
FELT SAD WHEN HE FINALLY RETIRED.
I'll NEVER FORGET THE DAY.
COACH BILBO FINALLY RETIRED.
I WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER THE
LAST THING HE SAID ON HIS WAY OUT.
HE WALKED THROUGH THE FRONT
DOOR OF THE SCHOOL, LOOKED BACK,
AND SAID... [BOTH SLURRING, UNINTELLIGIBLE]
GREAT. THIS IS NOT GOING WELL. AH!
[CHUCKLES] WHAT ARE YOU DOIN'?
TRYIN' TO TEACH MYSELF
TO PLAY DRUMS AND GUITAR AT THE
SAME TIME. MAN, I GOTTA FIND A
NEW DRUMMER FOR MY BAND.
WHAT HAPPENED TO THAT GUY MITCH?
WHO, MITCH?
NO. MITCH.
OH, HE QUIT MY BAND SO HE
COULD JOIN HIS CHURCH CHOIR.
JERK.
MITCH.
I KNOW. AND MY BAND'S
SUPPOSED TO PLAY THE PREMIERE'S
THIRD ANNIVERSARY PARTY NEXT FRIDAY NIGHT.
WAIT. MY PREMIERE, WHERE I WORK?
YEAH, WHY?
HELEN GAVE ME NEXT FRIDAY
OFF 'CAUSE SHE SAID THEY
WERE REPLACING THE CARPET. I
WONDER WHY SHE WOULDN'T TELL ME ABOUT THE PARTY.
'CAUSE SHE DOESN'T LIKE YOU.
RI-I-I-I-IGHT. AW, MAN.
WHAT?
I WAS REALLY EXCITED ABOUT
THE NEW CARPET. I SPENT, LIKE, 3
HOURS LOOKIN' AT SWATCHES.
CAN WE DISCUSS MY DRUMMER ISSUE, PLEASE?
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
AH, I HATE PHONES.
HELLO? YEAH, THIS IS ME.
UH-HUH. NAH-UH! NO! YEAH. I
MEAN, YES! OH, THANK YOU! YEAH,
I'll BE THERE! THANK YOU SO.
MUCH! I JUST GOT ACCEPTED INTO THE T.T.T.!
NO! NOT THE T.T.T.!
YEAH, THE T.T.T. YOU DON'T
EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT IS, DO YA?
NOT A CLUE.
IT STANDS FOR "TOMORROW'S
TEACHERS TODAY."
GROSS.
IT'S NOT GROSS. IT'S A
PROGRAM THAT ALLOWS PEOPLE IN
HIGH SCHOOL TO TEACH YOUNGER
KIDS. IT'S A VERY PRESTIGIOUS HONOR.
WHATEVER. SO, WHAT CLASS ARE
YOU GONNA TEACH?
CLASS, SAY HELLO TO YOUR NEW
STUDENT TEACHER, JOSH NACHO.
NICHOLS.
GOOD MORNING, STUDENTS. I'M
VERY EXCITED THAT I'll BE... MEGAN?!
I SWEAR, I'VE NEVER SEEN HIM
BEFORE IN MY LIFE.
♪ I NEVER THOUGHT THAT IT'D BE SO SIMPLE,
BUT I FOUND A WAY, I FOUND A WAY,
IF YOU OPEN UP YOUR MIND,
SEE WHAT'S INSIDE,
IT'S GONNA TAKE SOME TIME TO REALIZE,
BUT IF YOU LOOK INSIDE,
I'M SURE YOU'LL FIND OVER YOUR SHOULDER
YOU KNOW THAT I TOLD YOU
I'D ALWAYS BE PICKING YOU UP
WHEN YOU'RE DOWN, SO JUST TURN AROUND,
OHHHHH ♪
WELL, JOSH, YOU CERTAINLY
SEEM EXCITED ABOUT YOUR FIRST
DAY OF STUDENT-TEACHING.
YES, MA'AM.
I'll BE IN THE TEACHER'S.
LOUNGE IF YOU NEED ME.
DON'T NEED ME.
HEY, I'M JUST BRINGIN' MY BROTHER SOME MORE TEACHIN'
STUFF.
WHATEVER.
HEY, JOSH. WHERE DO YOU WANT
THE DEAD GUY?
IT'S NOT A REAL SKELETON.
JUST PUT IT ANYWHERE.
WHOA, YOU GOT MEGAN'S CLASS.
WE'RE HER BROTHERS.
DON'T TELL THEM.
HEY, ARE YOU PLAYIN' FROZEN
MOON BY THE BOBSLEDS?
UH-HUH. YOU RECOGNIZED IT
FROM THE DRUM BEAT?
SURE, IT'S AN AWESOME TUNE,
AND YOU'RE REALLY GOOD.
DRAKE, I'M READY TO START
TEACHING. RUN ALONG.
YEAH. ONE SEC. HOW LONG YOU
BEEN PLAYIN' DRUMS?
I DUNNO. A FEW YEARS.
KNOCK KNOCK! WHO'S
THERE? DRAKE'S LEAVING. SEE YA!
WAIT! HEY, YOU WANNA BE IN A BAND?
I'M 11. OH, COOL. MEET
ME OUT FRONT AFTER SCHOOL. I'll PICK YOU UP.
GO! GOOD MORNING, CLASS.
MY NAME IS MR. NICHOLS. TODAY
WE'RE GOING TO BE LEARNING ABOUT THE ATOM.
OOH! MY NAME'S ADAM.
[CHUCKLES] NO. I MEAN WE'LL
BE LEARNING ABOUT MOLECULAR
BONDING. NOW, I'M GONNA BE
TEACHING YOU GUYS ALL KINDS OF
COOL STUFF ABOUT CHEMISTRY.
SO YOU'RE GONNA NEED THESE
SPECIAL TEXTBOOKS.
"ADVANCED MOLECULAR THEORY?"
THIS IS A COLLEGE TEXTBOOK.
I KNOW.
YO, BOOB.
EXCUSE ME, MEGAN. I'M YOUR TEACHER.
SORRY. MR. BOOB. THIS
STUFF IS LIKE WAY TOO HARD FOR US.
YEAH.
[ALL TALKING]
ALL RIGHT, LOOK, I BELIEVE
THAT KIDS ARE MUCH MORE CAPABLE
THAN THEY'RE GIVEN CREDIT FOR.
KEVIN'S EATING GLUE!
DON'T YOU KNOW YOU'RE NOT
SUPPOSED TO EAT GLUE?
[KEVIN MUMBLES]
LOOK, I JUST THINK THAT YOUNG
PEOPLE NEED TO BE CHALLENGED.
AND I'M MR. CHALLENGE.
YOU SAID YOU WERE MR. NICHOLS.
I THOUGHT HE WAS MR. BOOB.
[KIDS GIGGLE]
HEY, WATCH IT, ALL RIGHT?! I
CAN BE QUICK WITH THE TIME-OUTS!
JUST SAYIN'.
AND THAT GUY'S YOUR BROTHER?
YEAH.
I'M SO SORRY.
IS THAT GOOD?
GOOD? YOU'RE AMAZING. MAN,
YOU HAVE TO PLAY WITH MY BAND ON FRIDAY NIGHT.
OK. WAIT, WILL IT BE OVER BY 9:00?
WHY?
9:00 IS MY BEDTIME.
COME ON, MAN, YOU'RE GONNA BE
A ROCK STAR. ROCK STARS DON'T
HAVE BEDTIMES.
SO WHEN DO THEY SLEEP?
WHEN THEY'RE DONE ROCKIN'.
SO, ARE YOU IN OR WHAT?
SURE. I'll PLAY IN YOUR BAND.
ALL RIGHT, THAT'S MY DRUMMER.
I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M A REAL ROCK STAR!
[CAR HORN HONKS]
UH-OH. THAT'S MY MOM.
OH, HI, MR. NICHOLS.
HEY, NEIL. DON'T FORGET TO DO
YOUR HOMEWORK.
DRAKE SAYS ROCK STARS DON'T
DO HOMEWORK. BYE!
DO YOU GET PLEASURE FROM
POISONING THE MINDS OF CHILDREN?
I WAS NOT "POISONING HIS"
"MIND." I WAS JUST... MEGAN, WHAT
ARE YOU DOIN' IN OUR ROOM?
LOOKIN' FOR MY PENTENDO G-S.
VIDEO GAMES? SHOULDN'T YOU BE
DOING SOMETHING ELSE RIGHT NOW?
SHOULDN'T YOU BE PLUCKIN'
THAT GIANT HAIR STICKING OUTTA YOUR NOSE?
OOH, I'll GET IT.
OW!!! I AM NOT FOR PLUCKIN'!
OH, THERE IT IS.
GIMME MY PENTENDO G-S!
NO. YOU SHOULD BE DOIN' YOUR HOMEWORK.
I'M NOT DOIN' THAT HOMEWORK.
HEH?
NONE OF US ARE. IT'S WAY TOO HARD.
LISTEN, LITTLE GIRL! I AM
YOUR TEACHER, AND YOU WILL SHOW
ME SOME RESPECT!
[GIGGLES] YOU GOT PANTSED.
[GERMAN ACCENT] GOOD MORNING,
CHILDREN. GUTEN TAG.
AW, MAN.
NOW, I AM A VERY FAMOUS
PERSON. WHO AM I?
A HOBO?
NO. HOBOS AREN'T FAMOUS. NOW,
HERE'S A HINT: I AM A FAMOUS SCIENTIST.
HARRY POTTER?
NO. HARRY POTTER IS A WIZARD.
THINK! I AM A GERMAN SCIENTIST.
A HOBO!
([NO ACCENT) DUDE, I'M ALBERT
EINSTEIN! YOU SHOULD KNOW THIS
FROM YOUR HOMEWORK LAST NIGHT!
I TOLD YOU WE WEREN'T DOING IT.
WAIT A MINUTE. NONE OF YOU
DID YOUR HOMEWORK?
I TRIED TO, BUT I COULDN'T
FIGURE IT OUT, SO I ASKED MY MOM
TO HELP ME. AND...?
SHE COULDN'T FIGURE IT OUT
EITHER, SO SHE ASKED MY DAD, AND
THEN HE GOT MAD AND WENT TO A MOTEL.
WELL, THEN I GUESS I'M GONNA
HAVE TO GIVE YOU ALL A POP QUIZ.
WHAT?!
NO WAY!
AW, MAN! THAT'S NOT EVEN FAIR!
YO, EINSTEIN. IF YOU GIVE US
A QUIZ ON HOMEWORK WE DIDN'T DO,
WE'RE ALL GONNA FAIL.
MAYBE YOU SHOULDA THOUGHT OF
THAT WHEN YOU WEREN'T DOING YOUR HOMEWORK.
YOUR BROTHER'S GETTING ON MY NERVES.
YEAH. HE'S BUGGIN' ME, TOO.
IT'S NOT MY FAULT.
ALL RIGHT, CHILDREN... OH, NO!
SECURITY! WE'VE GOT ANOTHER
HOBO IN THE CLASSROOM!
AAH! I'M NOT A HOBO! OH! OH!
STAND DOWN!
OH, THERE'S KATIE.
HAVE FUN AT THE PARTY.
OH! SNAG ME SOME CAKE.
HEY, GUYS.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, KATIE.
OH... HI, MEGAN.
I THINK YOU'RE GONNA LOVE THIS.
UM, DIDN'T YOU GET MY TEXT MESSAGE?
WHAT TEXT MESSAGE?
THE ONE WHERE I UN-INVITED
YOU TO THIS PARTY.
UM, WHY WOULD YOU UN-INVITE ME?
'CAUSE NOBODY WANTS YOU HERE.
YEAH, WHY DON'T YOU GO
HANG OUT WITH YOUR BROTHER, THE TEACHER?
LOHAN. DUFF.
HELEN, WHO WOULD WIN IN
A SLAP FIGHT, LOHAN OR DUFF?
OH, NO CONTEST... LOHAN.
HA!
HELEN... >> DUFF CAN'T TAKE A PUNCH!
NO. YOU KNOW, YOU FORGOT TO
INVITE ME TO THE ANNIVERSARY
PARTY HERE NEXT WEEK.
NO, I DIDN'T.
WHY'D YOU TELL HIM ABOUT THAT?
IT SLIPPED OUT.
ALL RIGHT, YOU CAN COME.
SWEET. WHAT SHOULD I WEAR?
THAT RED VEST.
YOU'RE PARKING CARS.
OK. CLAY AIKEN OR FRODO?
FRODO.
EVERYONE HATES ME BECAUSE OF YOU.
I WANTED ONE PIECE OF CAKE.
NOT YOU.
PROFESSOR DORK-STEIN.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? I JUST GOT THROWN OUT OF
A PARTY BECAUSE YOU GAVE US
A POP QUIZ THAT WE ALL FAILED.
ALL RIGHT, YOU FAILED A POP
QUIZ? WELCOME TO MY CLUB.
I DON'T WANT TO BE PART OF YOUR F-CLUB.
WELL!
MEGAN, IF YOU GUYS JUST
APPLY YOURSELVES...
WE'RE IN THE FIFTH GRADE.
WHY DON'T YOU TEACH ON SOMEONE
YOUR OWN SIZE?
HEY, COME ON. GIVE HIM A BREAK. HE'S PROBABLY JUST
TRYING TO HELP YOU GUYS LEARN
SOMETHING OR... SOMETHING.
HEY, DRAKE.
HEY, WHAT'S UP, MY DRUMMER?
LISTEN, MY MOM WON'T LET ME
PLAY IN YOUR BAND 'CAUSE I
FAILED MR. NICHOLS' QUIZ. SORRY.
LOOK, I AM A TEACHER. NOW,
I REALIZE THESE KIDS MIGHT
THINK THAT I'M BEING TOUGH ON
'EM, BUT DEEP DOWN, I KNOW THAT
THEY APPRECIATE ME.
YEAH, THAT MUST EXPLAIN THE JOSH PIÑATA.
[KIDS ALL SCREAMING AT ONCE]
IT DOES LOOK LIKE ME.
STUPID STUDENT TEACHER PROGRAM.
I HATE STUDENT TEACHER
PROGRAMS. PEANUT BUTTER AND CELERY?
YOU KNOW, NOBODY IN MY CLASS
LIKES ME ANYMORE, ALL BECAUSE OF
JOSH. WE PLAYED DODGEBALL IN GYM
TODAY. DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY
BALLS I HAD TO DODGE? NO.
A LOT OF BALLS, DRAKE.
YOU THINK THAT'S BAD? BECAUSE
OF JOSH, I HAVE NO DRUMMER.
HEY, WHAT'S UP, GUYS?
HEY, YOU HEAR SOMETHING?
YEAH, IT'S SORT OF AN
ANNOYING BUZZING SOUND.
ANNOYING AND BOOBISH.
FINE. YOU GUYS WANT TO PLAY
IT THAT WAY? DOESN'T BOTHER ME.
BECAUSE I KNOW I'M DOING
THE RIGHT THING. I AM A GOOD
TEACHER, BECAUSE I CHALL...
I DON'T CARE.
I LIKE IT ON MY FACE.
YOU LISTEN, JOSH. YOU'RE
GONNA CHANGE NEIL'S GRADE TO AN
"A" SO HE CAN PLAY WITH MY BAND
ON FRIDAY NIGHT. AND YOU'RE GONNA STOP
CHALLENGING ALL MY FRIENDS.
NO. ALL RIGHT? YOU KIDS NEED
TO BE CHALLENGED. AND I'll TELL.
YOU WHAT, I AM GONNA WHIP THOSE
LITTLE KIDS' BRAINS INTO SHAPE.
YOU'LL SEE. YOU'LL ALL SEE!
I WANT MY PUNCH.
NOW WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?
OH, I LIKE THAT SMILE.
THAT'S A SMILE FULL OF EVIL.
IS THERE ANY OTHER REASON TO SMILE?
YOU GOT A PLAN. TELL ME.
WELL, TOMORROW MISS HUNTER'S
GONNA WATCH JOSH AND EVALUATE
HIS TEACHING SKILLS.
AH, I... DON'T KNOW WHY THAT HELPS US.
JUST GO GET YOUR CAR KEYS.
OK, MEGAN, I'M IN!
YEAH, ME, TOO.
HOW'D YOU GET IN HERE?
I WALKED THROUGH THE FRONT
DOOR. IT'S A SCHOOL, DRAKE, NOT A BANK.
WHATEVER. JUST DO YOUR THING.
[BRIEFCASE BEEPING]
MAN, HOW MUCH ALLOWANCE
DO MOM AND DAD GIVE YOU?
JUST GO BE MY LOOKOUT!
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
LOOK, IT'S A BUNNY.
STOP THAT!
JOSH NICHOLS, ARE YOU READY
TO BE EVALUATED?
YES, MA'AM.
PLEASE BEGIN.
CHILDREN, PLEASE TAKE YOUR SEATS.
NOW, TODAY WE WILL BE COVERING
THE 3 STATES OF MATTER: SOLIDS,
LIQUIDS, AND GASES.
NOW, I HAVE SET UP A VIDEO
PRESENTATION FOR YOU TO WATCH ON
THIS MONITOR. NOW, ON SCREEN,
WE WILL BE LOOKING AT THE
LOOSELY-PACKED ATOMIC STRUCTURE
OF A LIQUID.
[STUDENTS LAUGHING]
I REALIZE THIS CAN BE VERY
ENJOYABLE, BUT THE... WHAT THE...?
WHY ARE THOSE CLOWNS HURTING
EACH OTHER WITH CHICKENS?
YES, JOSH, WHY?
STRIKE ONE.
I'll JUST MOVE ON TO MY NEXT.
SEGMENT. ALL RIGHT.
OK. NOW, WATER IS ONE OF THE FEW
COMPOUNDS THAT CAN ASSUME
THE FORM OF EITHER A SOLID,
A LIQUID, OR A GAS.
OOH! OHH! OHH! OHH!
THIS WOULD BE THE LIQUID.
YOU BROKE THE FAUCET!
I DIDN'T MEAN TO. HERE, I'll FIX IT.
NO, NO, MOVE. I'll FIX IT.
WHOA!
UNH!
STRIKE 2.
NEXT... >> OH-HO, GREAT, THERE'S MORE!
I WILL SHOW YOU ALL HOW YOU
CAN COMBINE A LIQUID AND A SOLID
TO FORM A GAS. FIRST, I WILL
TAKE THIS BEAKER OF SODIUM
SULFIDE AND POUR IT INTO THIS
JAR, WHICH CONTAINS 10 GRAMS
OF CARBON ZENITE. NOW, NOTE HOW
THE COLOR CHANGES WHEN I POUR
THE SODIUM SULFIDE INTO...
[STUDENTS COUGHING]
NEXT... >> LEAVE!
[JOSH SOBBING]
STRIKE 3, AND YOU'RE OUT.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
[CHEERING]
THANK YOU. HOW ABOUT A HAND
FOR 11-YEAR-OLD NEIL KRAMER ON DRUMS.
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
OK, WE'RE GONNA TAKE A SHORT BREAK.
HEY, GREAT JOB. THANKS FOR PLAYING, MAN.
YEAH, BUT THANK MEGAN.
I MEAN, IF SHE DIDN'T GET YOUR
BROTHER FIRED, I WOULDN'T HAVE
GOT MY GRADE CHANGED.
WHO DO YOU THINK HELPED HER
SABOTAGE JOSH'S PRESENTATION?
SHE SAID ALL YOU DID WAS
DRIVE HER THERE.
AND HOME.
DRAKE PARKER, YOUR MUSIC
MAKES ME WANT TO WIGGLE TILL I GIGGLE. AAH!
THANKS, HELEN. OH, YOU LOOK SO CUTE WITH
YOUR MICROPHONE, LIKE A LITTLE
ROCK STAR. OHH, GIVE ME A HUG!
YOU, TOO, LITTLE DRUMMER BOY!
IS THIS WHAT YOU MEANT BY
HAVING GIRLS ALL OVER YOU?
SORT OF.
HEY, JOSH. WHAT'S UP?
HEY.
WHAT DO YOU GUYS WANT?
TO GIVE YOU A PRESENT.
YOU GUYS GOT ME A PRESENT?
YEAH.
I WRAPPED IT.
A TROPHY WITH A GIRAFFE ON IT?
THE TROPHY SHOP WAS OUT OF PEOPLE.
READ WHAT IT SAYS.
"TO MR. NICHOLS, OUR FAVORITE"
"TEACHER." I DON'T GET IT.
IS THAT GONNA BLOW UP?
NO.
BECAUSE OF YOU, MISS HUNTER
QUIT TEACHING. FOREVER.
AND WE HATED MISS HUNTER.
I THOUGHT YOU GUYS HATED ME?
WE DO.
WE HATE YOU BOTH, BUT IN DIFFERENT WAYS.
ANYWAY, YOU WANT TO COME HAVE
SOME PIZZA WITH US?
AND LISTEN TO DRAKE'S NEXT SET?
YOU GUYS HATE ME, BUT YOU
WANT ME TO COME HANG OUT WITH YOU?
DUDE, WE HATE YOU AS A TEACHER.
YEAH, BUT AS A GUY, YOU'RE ALMOST COOL.
THEY THINK I'M COOL.
I HEARD "ALMOST."
[SINGING IN HEBREW]
WELL?
UM, YOU DO KNOW THIS GIG IS ON A FRIDAY.
OY.
MAN, THAT WAS REALLY GOOD.
THANKS.
COULD YOU TRY IT ONE MORE
TIME. THIS TIME A LITTLE MORE UP-TEMPO?
YOU CALLING ME FAT? AAAAAH!
SO HOW'D YOU FIX THE WALL?
OH, RABBI HAD SOME SPACKLE.
[CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL
[ CAPTIONING INSTITUTE. www.ncicap.org... ]