GET THIS: DRAKE SAYS I HAVE "BAD LUCK." I SAY JOSH HAS BAD LUCK.
I SAY JOSH HAS BAD LUCK. YOU KNOW WHY?
I DO NOT HAVE BAD LUCK.
'CAUSE HE HAS BAD LUCK.
ANY TIME SOMETHING TERRIBLE HAPPENS TO ME?
IT'S 'CAUSE OF DRAKE.
BUT JOSH BLAMES ALLLLL HIS
PROBLEMS ON ME.
LIKE...
LIKE... WHY DID I GET FOOD POISONING?
DRAKE FORGOT TO REFRIGERATE THE
CLAMS.
CLAMS. AND HE GIVES ME NO CREDIT
FOR THE NICE STUFF I DO FOR HIM.
WHY DO I HAVE FOOT BURNS?
DRAKE ACCIDENTALLY SET MY SOCKS
ON FIRE.
ON FIRE. LIKE HIS DESK LAMP.
IT WAS FLICKERING, RIGHT?
SO I FIXED THE SWITCH.
WELL, I BETTER GET STARTED ON
MY HOMEWORK.
BLBLBLBLBLBL! I JUST THINK JOSH NEEDS TO APPRECIATE ME A LITTLE MORE, YA
I JUST THINK JOSH NEEDS TO APPRECIATE ME A LITTLE
MORE, YA APPRECIATE ME A LITTLE MORE, YA KNOW?
KNOW? 'CAUSE IF YOU ASK ME, HIS LIFE 'CAUSE IF
YOU ASK ME, HIS LIFE IS WAY MORE FUN WHEN I'M
AROUND.
AROUND. I MEAN, I'M NOT ASKING FOR LIKE
A PAT ON THE BACK EVERY DAY,
BUT, YOU KNOW, I JUST THINK HE COULD GIVE ME A LITTLE
MORE CREDIT NOW AND THEN. YOU
KNOW? I MEAN, COME ON.
[MUTTERING]
I LIKE JUICE.
[SNORING]
♪ FOR IT'S YOUR HAPPY
GOOD BIRTHDAY, FOR IT'S YOUR
HAPPY GOOD BIRTHDAY, FOR IT'S
YOUR HAPPY GOOD BIIIIRTH-DAYYYYY...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU... JOSH ♪
AW, YOU GUYS REMEMBERED. WOW, IT'S
EARLY. YEAH, WELL, WE WERE HEADING
DOWN TO THE BOTANICAL GARDEN
CENTER. ON SATURDAYS THEY LET
YOU IN FOR HALF PRICE IF YOU GET
THERE BEFORE 9:00.
PETUNIAS, HERE WE COME! OH, HEY! DID YOU GET TICKETS TO SEE
DID YOU GET TICKETS TO SEE OPRAH?
OPRAH? NO.
NO. THEY SOLD OUT IN LIKE LESS THAN
AN HOUR. AN HOUR. AW.
AW. WELL, MAYBE SHE'LL COME BACK TO
SAN DIEGO AGAIN SOME TIME.
I DOUBT THAT.
NO ONE NEEDS YOUR NEGATIVITY.
YOU SANG FLAT.
YOU WANNA POP IN THE CHOPS?!
GUYS, GUYS, GUYS, GUYS!
COME ON! NO FIGHTING ON
JOSHIE'S BIRTHDAY.
JOSHIE'S BIRTHDAY. HE'S RIGHT.
HE'S RIGHT. COME ON, LET'S GO SEE THOSE COME ON, LET'S GO SEE THOSE PETUNIAS.
PETUNIAS. OK! OK! OH, HEY, DRAKE.
HEY, DRAKE. HEY, DRAKE. WHO LET YOU GUYS
IN OUR HOUSE? IN OUR HOUSE? MEGAN OPENED THE DOOR
AND TOLD US THAT WE COULD...
SO, UH... HOW WAS YOUR SHOWER? FINE.
FINE. WET.
WET. UM, SO... HOW COME YOU'RE UP
AND DRESSED SO EARLY?
BECAUSE TODAY IS A VERY
SPECIAL DAY.
SPECIAL DAY. I KNOW.
I KNOW. SEE? CHECK IT OUT.
GUITAR WORLD FREE GIVE-AWAY?
YEAH. YOU SEE, THE FIRST
50 PEOPLE WHO BUY
SOMETHIN' FROM THERE GET A
FREE SET OF BONGO DRUMS.
OH.
OH. YEAH. THEN AFTER THAT,
I'M GONNA PICK UP TABITHA AND
TAKE HER TO LUNCH.
YOU KNOW, THINGS
ARE GETTIN' PRETTY SERIOUS
BETWEEN ME AND HER.
YOU'VE BEEN DATING
HER SINCE TUESDAY. I KNOW.
I KNOW. SEE YA!
SEE YA! WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, DRAKE.
WHAT? WHAT? ISN'T THERE SOMETHING
YOU WANNA SAY TO ME?
UH... YEAH.
UH... YEAH. YOU HAVE A LITTLE DRIED DROOL ON
YOUR CHIN THERE.
HE FORGOT MY BIRTHDAY.
OHH, THAT IS DRIED DROOL.
♪ WELL, I NEVER THOUGHT
THAT IT'D BE SO SIMPLE, BUT I FOUND A WAY,
I FOUND A WAY, IF YOU OPEN UP YOUR MIND,
IT'S GONNA TAKE SOME TIME TO REALIGN,
BUT IF YOU LOOK INSIDE
I'M SURE YOU'LL FIND, OVER YOUR SHOULDER,
YOU KNOW THAT I TOLD YOU
I'll ALWAYS BE PICKING YOU UP.
WHEN YOU'RE DOWN, SO JUST TURN AROUND,
OOH-OOH-OOH, OOOOOOOH ♪
[SQUEAKING] HEY, MEGS. HEY.
HEY. HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY. YOU REMEMBERED?
YOU REMEMBERED? 'COURSE. WHY WOULDN'T I?
DRAKE FORGOT.
DRAKE FORGOT. AND YOU'RE SURPRISED?
HIS BRAIN'S LIKE A BLACK HOLE.
STUFF KEEPS GETTING SUCKED
IN AND NOTHING EVER COMES OUT. YEAH, I GUESS.
HERE... HERE... I GOT SOMETHIN' THAT'LL CHEER
YOU UP. YOU UP. WHAT?
TA-DA. YOU MADE ME A BIRTHDAY CAKE? UH-HUH.
UH-HUH. MOM GAVE ME THE RECIPE.
I THINK IT TURNED OUT PRETTY
GOOD.
GOOD. THERE.
THERE. WOW.
WOW. THIS IS REALLY...
IT'S FULL OF POISON, ISN'T IT?
NO!
NO! WHAT THEN? HUH? HUH? HUH?
HOT SAUCE?
HOT SAUCE? SOME KIND OF EXTREME LAXATIVE?
OH, COME ON.
I WOULDN'T LET YOU EAT A CAKE
THAT'D MAKE YOU SICK ON YOUR
BIRTHDAY.
BIRTHDAY. I'M SORRY.
I'M SORRY. IT'S OK.
IT'S OK. MAKE A WISH.
ALL RIGHT!
I DIDN'T SAY IT WOULDN'T EXPLODE. I DON'T BLAME YOU SO MUCH
FOR DOING IT AS I BLAME MYSELF
FOR NOT ANTICIPATING IT.
I GOTTA CHECK ON TOBY.
WHO'S TOBY?
WHO'S TOBY? HE'S A VIRTUAL PET.
I'M WATCHING HIM FOR MY FRIEND
JANIE WHILE SHE'S AT BASSOON
CAMP.
CAMP. WHY DIDN'T SHE TAKE TOBY
WITH HER?
WITH HER? 'CAUSE HE'S A LOTTA WORK.
YOU HAVE TO FEED HIM, WALK HIM,
GROOM HIM, AND PLAY WITH HIM OR ELSE HE'LL DIE.
COOL. COOL. CAN I SEE IT?
NO, HE DOESN'T LIKE MEN...
OR WHATEVER YOU ARE.
[TAPPING]
WHAT IS THAT? DRAKE. HE'S UPSTAIRS PLAYING WITH HIS
HE'S UPSTAIRS PLAYING WITH HIS NEW BONGOS.
NEW BONGOS. HIM AND THOSE STUPID HIPPIE
DRUMS. I'M GONNA GO TALK TO HIM.
AW, TOBY, NOT ON THE VIRTUAL
COUCH.
OK, NAME IT. UH... ZERO GRAVITY...
ZERO GRAVITY... OVER MY THUMB?
OVER MY THUMB? OH, YEAH. ALL RIGHT.
SEE IF YOU CAN GET THIS ONE.
HEY, HEY, HEY!
DUDE, I GOTTA CLEAN UP MY
ROOM OR MY MOM'S GONNA KILL ME.
OH, OK.
OH, OK. BUT DON'T FORGET... YOU
GOTTA GET TO THE PREMIERE EARLY
TONIGHT FOR THE PARTY.
WHY EARLY?
WHY EARLY? BECAUSE IT'S A SURPRISE.
WE GOTTA GET EVERYTHING WE GOTTA GET EVERYTHING SET UP.
SET UP. OK. OK. OK. LATER.
OK. LATER. HEY, WHAT'S GOING ON?
NOTHING.
NOTHING. WHAT'S UP WITH THE, UH...
MEGAN.
MEGAN. AHH.
AHH. HEY, ARE YOU DOIN' ANYTHING
TONIGHT?
TONIGHT? >> UH... >> UH... NO.
NO. NO PLANS.
NO PLANS. GOOD, WHY DON'T YOU SHOW UP
TO THE PREMIERE TONIGHT AROUND
8:00?
8:00? UH, SURE.
UH, SURE. COOL. SEE YA THERE.
HE REMEMBERED... MY BIRTHDAY... DRAKE'S GONNA THROW ME
DRAKE'S GONNA THROW ME A BIG BIRTHDAY...
I CAN'T WAIT TO GO!
HEY! HI. JOSH. HA HA! HEY, HOW ARE YOU,
BUDDY? HEY, JESS, THANKS FOR
COMING. AL, MEANS A LOT.
STEVIE! GOT YOUR HAIR CUT.
LIKED IT BETTER THE OLD WAY, BUT YOU'RE A GOOD GUY.
DRAKE, MAN. I MEAN, THIS PARTY... IT'S REALLY NICE OF YOU.
IT'S REALLY NICE OF YOU. THANKS.
THANKS. YEAH. I MEAN, I ALMOST YEAH. I MEAN, I ALMOST THOUGHT YOU FORG...
SHE'S COMING IN! SHE'S COMING IN! OOH, HIDE, HIDE!
EVERYBODY, HIDE!
EVERYBODY, HIDE! WHY IS EVERYBODY HIDING?
I'M ALREADY HERE.
GET DOWN!
GET DOWN! NOW!
NOW! SURPRISE!
SURPRISE! OH, MY GOD!
HOW DID YOU GUYS KNOW IT WAS HOW DID YOU GUYS KNOW IT WAS MY BIRTHDAY?
MY BIRTHDAY? DRAKE, YOU'RE THE BEST!
AW, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BABY.
HEY, WHAT?
HEY, WHAT? YOU THREW THIS WHOLE
SURPRISE BIRTHDAY PARTY FOR
TABITHA?
TABITHA? A GIRL YOU MET FIVE DAYS AGO?
WELL, YEAH, WHY?
NOTHIN'. FORGET IT. WHERE YA GOIN'? HOME.
HOME. WHO'S THAT GUY?
IT WAS MY BROTHER, JOSH.
WELL, HE'S LUCKY THEN 'CAUSE
HE HAS THE SWEETEST, MOST
THOUGHTFUL BROTHER IN THE WHOLE ENTIRE WORLD.
AHEM! AHEM!
AHEM! AHEM! DON'T MAKE ME TURN THE HOSE ON
YOU CHILDREN.
YOU CHILDREN. OOH, SORRY.
OOH, SORRY. HEY, YOU KNOW WHERE JOSH
WENT? I WANNA GIVE HIM THIS
BIRTHDAY PRESENT.
BIRTHDAY PRESENT. OH, NO, NO, IT'S TABITHA'S
BIRTHDAY TODAY. BIRTHDAY TODAY. HEY.
HEY. OH. OH. WELL, ACCORDING TO MY CLIPBOARD
HERE, TODAY'S JOSH'S BIRTHDAY,
TOO.
TOO. WHAT?
WHAT? YEAH, THE CLIPBOARD DOES NOT
LIE.
LIE. OH, MY GOD.
TABITHA, I'M SORRY, I GOTTA
GO FIX SOMETHIN', OK?
SURE.
SURE. I BOUGHT HIM ONE OF THOSE
ELECTRIC NOSE-HAIR TRIMMERS.
A NOSE-HAIR TRIMMER?
YEAH. JOSH NEEDS ONE,
NOT ME THOUGH.
MY NOSTRILS ARE NATURALLY
HAIRLESS BECAUSE I HAVE A
CONDITION CALLED NOSTROPECIA.
YEAH, YOU WILL NOT FIND ONE HAIR IN THIS NOSE,
ON ACCOUNT OF THE NOSTROPECIA.
I'M GONNA GO GET SOME PUNCH.
ALL RIGHT THEN.
STUPID DRAKE. FORGETS MY BIRTHDAY. STUPID TABITHA.
STUPID SOY MILK. [YIPPING] WILL YOU SHUT THAT DUMB
[YIPPING] WILL YOU SHUT THAT DUMB WILL YOU SHUT THAT DUMB VIRTUAL PET UP, PLEASE?!
LIKE I'M NOT TRYING?!
THIS THING WON'T LET ME SLEEP.
THEN YANK OUT THE BATTERIES
AND JUST TURN IT OFF.
I CAN'T.
I CAN'T. IF I LET TOBY DIE, JANIE'LL
NEVER TALK TO ME AGAIN.
WELL, MAYBE YOU'D BE BETTER OFF!
OFF! HUH?
HUH? WHO NEEDS PEOPLE IN THEIR
LIFE? YOU KNOW, THEY JUST HURT.
OK? THEY BORROW YOUR MONEY
WITHOUT ASKING, THEY SPILL ICED COFFEE ALL OVER
YOUR FRESH UNDERPANTS AND I'M
LIKE, DUDE...
LIKE, DUDE... OK, WHO PUKED YOU OFF?
DRAKE, THAT'S WHO!
OK, HE FORGETS MY BIRTHDAY, BUT
THEN HE THROWS A HUGE SURPRISE
BIRTHDAY PARTY FOR HIS FLUFFY NEW GIRLFRIEND THAT HE'S
KNOWN FOR FIVE DAYS!
LOOK, I KNOW HOW BAD YOU
MUST FEEL RIGHT NOW, BUT
TOMORROW MORNING, I GUARANTEE
YOU'LL FEEL MUCH WORSE.
THAT DOESN'T MAKE ME FEEL ANY BETTER.
ANY BETTER. I KNOW. 'NIGHT.
[YIPPING]
[YIPPING] QUIET, TOBY!
QUIET, TOBY! MAN!
MAN! JOSH!
JOSH! I'M NOT SPEAKING TO YOU.
LOOK, I'M SORRY I FORGOT
YOUR BIRTHDAY. YOUR BIRTHDAY. WELL, SORRY DOESN'T
SWEETEN MY TEA!
ONE MORE TIME?
JUST DON'T TALK TO ME!
IF YOU'LL JUST LET ME SHOW
YOU SOMETHING, I'M SURE IT'LL
CHEER YOU UP. CHEER YOU UP. I'VE SEEN THE BIRTHMARK ON
YOUR BACK, DRAKE. IT DOES NOT
LOOK LIKE A GIRAFFE RAKING
LEAVES!
LEAVES! NO, NOT THAT.
THESE.
THESE. YEAH? WHAT IS THIS, HUH?
WHAT ARE YOU... OHHHH!
OHHHH! OHHHHH! OHHHHH! OHHHHH!
YOU GOT ME TICKETS TO OPRAH!
HUG ME, BROTHAH.
HOW'D YOU DO THIS?!
I MEAN, OPRAH'S ONLY GOING TO
BE IN SAN DIEGO FOR ONE DAY!
THESE ARE IMPOSSIBLE TO GET!
WELL, YOU KNOW THE GUY WHO PLAYS BASS IN MY BAND?
JULIO?
JULIO? YEAH. WELL, JULIO'S DAD YEAH. WELL, JULIO'S DAD IS THE SOUND MIXER
DOWN AT RADCLIFF STUDIOS WHERE
OPRAH'S GOING
TO BE DOIN' OPRAH'S GOING TO BE DOIN' THE SHOW.
THE SHOW. GET OUT! GET OUT! YEAH, SO I WENT DOWN TO
JULIO'S HOUSE, TALKED TO HIS
DAD, GOT THE TICKETS... OHH!
AND, UH... BACKSTAGE PASSES! AAH!
AAH! YA LOVE ME AGAIN?
LOVE YOU?!
LOVE YOU?! [BEEPS]
[BEEPS] OK, THIS IS SO GOING ON THE
INTERNET.
YOU THINK I MIGHT ACTUALLY GET TO SPEAK TO OPRAH? MAYBE.
MAYBE. I CAN'T STAND IT!
ALL RIGHT. WELL, CHILL OUT,
DUDE, OK? YOU KNOW, CELEBRITIES
DON'T LIKE IT WHEN PEOPLE GET ALL SPAZZY. HEY, PARK THERE.
NO. I WANNA FIND A SPOT
CLOSER TO THE DOOR.
WHY?
WHY? 'CAUSE IF WE PARK FAR AWAY,
THEN WE MIGHT HAVE TO WALK TOO
FAR AND I COULD GET SWEATY, AND I WILL NOT MEET OPRAH WITH PIT
STAINS.
STAINS. JUST PARK THE CAR ALREADY.
WOULD YOU LET GO OF MY
WHEEL? WOULD YOU LET GO OF MY WHEEL? JUST PARK...
JUST PARK... COME ON!
COME ON! HEY, WATCH IT! WATCH IT!
AAH!
AAH! OHH! OHH!
OHH! OHH! OH, MY GOD! OH, MY GOD!
OPRAH! SOMEBODY CALL FOR HELP!
[SCREAMING]
[SCREAMING] I RAN OVER OPRAH!
THIS IS MY WORST BIRTHDAY EVER. 'CAUSE YOU RAN OVER OPRAH?
'CAUSE YOU RAN OVER OPRAH? NO, BECAUSE IT'S A
LITTLE HUMID. YES, BECAUSE I RAN
OVER OPRAH!
OVER OPRAH! UH... EXCUSE ME, SIR?
I WAS JUST WONDERING, IS OPRAH
GONNA BE... YOU KNOW, OK?
I'M AFRAID NOT, SON.
OH, NO.
OH, NO. AH, I'M JUST MESSIN' WITH YA.
SHE'LL BE FINE.
JUST A FEW CUTS AND BRUISES.
HERE'S MY NUMBER. OH, THANKS. AND YOU'LL DEFINITELY BE THE FIRST PERSON
I CALL IF I EVER GET IN AN
I CALL IF I EVER GET IN AN ACCIDENT.
ACCIDENT. YOU'RE PICKING UP ON GIRLS
WHEN I JUST T-BONED MY FAVORITE
TALK SHOW HOST?
HEY, AT LEAST YOU GOT TO HEY, AT LEAST YOU GOT TO MEET HER.
MEET HER. NO, NO, NO. THE GRILL OF MY
CAR GOT TO MEET HER, OK?
OHHH, I'M GONNA BE IN SO MUCH
TROUBLE.
TROUBLE. NO, NO, CHILL OUT, OK?
HER ASSISTANT SAID SHE'S NOT
GONNA PRESS CHARGES, SO,
YOU KNOW, EVERYTHING'S FINE.
NO, NO, OK? NO. EVERYTHING
IS NOT FINE. OK? I CAN NEVER
WATCH OPRAH AGAIN 'CAUSE ALL
I'M GONNA BE ABLE TO DO IS THINK
ABOUT HOW MUCH SHE MUST HATE ME FOR ALMOST KILLING HER!
OK, OK. LOOK,
THIS AMBULANCE SAYS MERCY
HOSPITAL. HOSPITAL. YES, YES, YES. WE ALL KNOW
THAT YOU CAN READ AT A THIRD
GRADE LEVEL. OK? SO?
SO, WE GO THERE, WE FIND
OPRAH'S ROOM, AND YOU APOLOGIZE TO HER.
TO HER. YEAH.
YEAH. YEAH, YEAH, YEAH. THAT'S GOOD.
SEE? NO WORRIES.
EXCUSE ME.
EXCUSE ME. ARE YOU THE YOUNG MAN WHO RAN
OVER OPRAH?
OVER OPRAH? OH, NO, THAT'S MY BROTHER,
JOSH.
JOSH. HE'S THE ONE!
[SCREAMING]
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, ALL MEMBERS OF THE PRESS ARE GOING TO HAVE TO WAIT IN THE
HOSPITAL PARKING LOT. WE CAN'T
HAVE YOU CROWDING UP THE
HALLWAYS BY OPRAH'S ROOM.
PLEASE. GO.
ALL RIGHT. NOW'S OUR CHANCE. YOU READY TO MEET OPRAH? HOW ARE WE GONNA GET PAST
CHANCE. YOU READY TO MEET OPRAH? HOW ARE WE GONNA
GET PAST HOW ARE WE GONNA GET PAST THOSE GOONS?
THOSE GOONS? APPARENTLY,
APPARENTLY, YOU'VE FORGOTTEN I'M DRAKE.
HEY, HOW YA DOING?
I WAS JUST WONDERIN' IF IT'S OK
IF MY BROTHER JOSH AND I GO
IN AND SAY A QUICK HELLO TO
OPRAH. YOU KNOW, WINFREY?
IS THAT... IS THAT OK?
COME ON.
COME ON. [FIZZLING]
[FIZZLING] AAH!
DID YOU JUST STUN ME?! ALL I DID WAS ASK IF I COULD SAY HELLO... AAH!
DUDE! DRAKE, DRAKE, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?!
RIGHT?! I DON'T KNOW!
YOU KNOW, IF YOUR FRIEND OVER
HERE HAS A PROBLEM HERE HAS A PROBLEM WITH MY BROTHER,
HE SHOULD POLITELY SAY TO HIM,
LOOK, I DON'T...
[FIZZLING]
WHAT WAS THAT FOR?! YOU OK? I DON'T KNOW!
THIS IS NOT COOL. ALL WE
WANT TO DO IS SAY HELLO
TO WANT TO DO IS SAY HELLO TO OPRAH FOR ONE...
[FIZZLING]
[FIZZLING] YOU GUYS ARE
JUST MEAN, OK! AND IF OPRAH KNEW
THAT YOU GUYS WERE DOING THIS...
[FIZZLING]
WE'RE GONNA GO. GOOD DAY. THAT REALLY HURT.
THAT REALLY HURT. IT'S ALL RIGHT, MAN. I HAVE
ANOTHER IDEA. ANOTHER IDEA. MAYBE WE SHOULD
JUST GO HOME. JUST GO HOME. NO!
NO! I TOLD YOU I WAS GONNA GET YOU
TO MEET OPRAH. NOW I'M GONNA.
HOW ARE WE GONNA GET PAST ALL THESE PEOPLE?
FLESH-EATING VIRUS!
FLESH-EATING VIRUS! THIS KID HAS A FLESH-EATING
VIRUS AND IT IS VERY, VERY
CONTAGIOUS! CONTAGIOUS! OH, MY FLESH!
CLEAR THE AREA! QUICKLY!
A FLESH-EATING VIRUS!
AAH!
AAH! GO QUICKLY, LADY.
OH, MY FLESH! OH, THAT WAS
NICE. NICE. UH-HUH.
UH-HUH. NOW, I BELIEVE YOU HAVE A DATE
WITH OPRAH.
WITH OPRAH. MY HAIR!
MY HAIR! OH, THANK YOU.
THAT'S HIM! THAT'S HIM! THAT'S THE BOY WITH THE
FLESH-EATING VIRUS!
FLESH-EATING VIRUS! THE ONE WITH THE BIG HEAD?
YES!
YES! OK, IT'S NOT THAT BIG,
FIRST OF ALL. AND WHOA!
WAIT, WAIT! DRAKE! NO, I'M FEELING BETTER!
WAIT, DRAKE! HELP!
WE GOTTA DIP THIS MAN IN A
CHEMICAL BATH! STAT!
CHEMICAL BATH?!
CHEMICAL BATH?! STAT!
STAT! WHAT?! WHAT?!
HEY, MASHED POTATOES.
AAH!
AW, MY BONGOS. TOBY'S DYING! WHAT, YOUR VIRTUAL PET
WHAT, YOUR VIRTUAL PET THINGY?
THINGY? YES! YES! I FELL ASLEEP FOR LIKE 45
MINUTES AND NOW HE'S
DEHYDRATED!
DEHYDRATED! [YIPPING]
[YIPPING] YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT
DEHYDRATED MEANS, DO YOU?
NO.
NO. HE'S DYING OF THIRST.
WHAT DIES OF THIRST IN
45 MINUTES?
45 MINUTES? APPARENTLY TOBY!
APPARENTLY TOBY! AH, YOU'RE USELESS.
COME ON TOBY, LIVE! LIVE!
HEY, MAN. HEY, MAN?! HEY.
HEY. MAN.
MAN. YOU LEFT ME AT THE HOSPITAL
TO BE CHEMICALLY BATHED!
OH, YEAH, HOW'D THAT GO?
OH, ACTUALLY, IT WAS QUITE
SOOTHING, ESPECIALLY THE PART
WHERE THEY... IT WAS HORRIBLE!
OK, WHAT UP WITH THE 'TUDE?
DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO HAVE AN INVOLUNTARY CHEMICAL
BATH?!
BATH?! IT STINGS!
IT STINGS! EVERYWHERE!
EVERYWHERE! ALL RIGHT.
ALL RIGHT. LOOK, TELL YOU WHAT. I'M GONNA
MAKE IT UP TO YOU, OK?
NO! OK? NO, YOU'RE NOT!
'CAUSE THAT'S WHEN THE BADNESS HAPPENS!
HAPPENS! THE ONLY TIME YOU EVER DO
ANYTHING NICE FOR ME IS AFTER
YOU'VE CAUSED ME SOME KIND OF
PHYSICAL DAMAGE OR EMOTIONAL DISTRESS!
DISTRESS! YOU ARE NEVER GONNA MAKE UP
ANYTHING TO ME EVER AGAIN!
WAIT.
WAIT. DO THESE SOUND OK TO YOU?
WOULD YOU BRING ME THE HOT GLUE GUN? NOT REALLY!
HELEN! HELEN! HELEN! HELEN! I GOT HERE AS FAST AS I COULD. YOU NEED ME TO UNCLOG THE
I GOT HERE AS FAST AS I COULD. YOU NEED ME TO
UNCLOG THE YOU NEED ME TO UNCLOG THE BUTTER HOSE?
BUTTER HOSE? JOSH, THERE'S NO CLOG IN THE
BUTTER HOSE.
BUTTER HOSE. BUT YOU JUST
TEXT MESSAGED ME...
THERE WAS A HUGE CLOG IN...
SURPRISE!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MAN. DRAKE, I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DID THIS FOR ME.
THIS IS FOR ME, RIGHT? YES.
YES. AND THERE'S MORE.
MOM AND DAD GOT A CALL FROM
OPRAH'S LAWYER.
OPRAH'S LAWYER. HER LAWYER?
HER LAWYER? YEAH, I GUESS SHE'S KINDA
PEEVED THAT YOU RAN HER OVER.
LOOK WHAT THEY SENT TO THE
HOUSE.
HOUSE. A RESTRAINING ORDER?
YEAH.
YEAH. IT SAYS BY LAW, YOU CAN'T GET
WITHIN 300 FEET OF OPRAH.
AND WHY IS THIS HAPPY NEWS?
CHECK THE SIGNATURE AT THE BOTTOM.
BOTTOM. [GASPS] OPRAH WINFREY.
SHE SIGNED IT!
YEP.
YEP. I GOT AN AUTOGRAPH FROM
OPRAH! YEAH!
OPRAH! YEAH! [CHEERING]
[CHEERING] LOOK, MAN, I'M REALLY SORRY I
FORGOT YOUR BIRTHDAY.
IT'S OK.
IT'S OK. NO, IT'S NOT.
SO, I GOTCHA SOMETHIN' SPECIAL.
DUDE, YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO...
JUST WAIT.
JUST WAIT. CRAIG, ERIC, COME HERE.
HOW COOL IS THAT?
I THINK I'M GONNA PUT IT OVER
MY BED.
MY BED. [BEEP BEEP]
[BEEP BEEP] [GASPS]
[GASPS] HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY! YOU GOT ME A VEPPER?!
DUDE, HOW'D YOU AFFORD... DAD'S CREDIT CARD.
YEAH.
YEAH. YOU'RE THE BEST.
I KNOW. WELL, COME ON.
HOP ON. SEE HOW SHE FEELS.
WELL, OK!
OHH... OHH! THIS THING'S
AWESOME! NOW, HOW DO YOU... UH-OH!
AAH!
[BEEP BEEP]
[YIPPING]
BE QUIET, TOBY.
[YIPPING]
BE QUIET, TOBY.
[YIPPING]
[WHINES]
GOOD NIGHT, TOBY
[CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL
[ CAPTIONING INSTITUTE. www.ncicap.org... ]