I'll TELL YOU THIS... HANDLING A BAD SITUATION CAN BE VERY STRESSFUL.
WATCHING JOSH DEAL
WITH A BAD SITUATION
CAN BE VERY HYSTERICAL.
LIKE THE TIME I DONATED BLOOD. BLOOD. LIKE THE TIME HE DONATED
BLOOD AT SCHOOL.
OH! OH! SO THIS ATTRACTIVE NURSE
STICKS A NEEDLE IN MY ARM, RIGHT?
RIGHT? THIS INSANELY HOT NURSE
SHOVES A NEEDLE IN JOSH'S ARM...
OH, BUT NO ONE TOLD ME THAT
IT WAS THE NURSE'S FIRST DAY ON
THE JOB.
THE JOB. IT WAS HER FIRST DAY BEING A
NURSE.
NURSE. SO AS SOON AS MY BLOOD STARTS
COMING OUT... COMING OUT... AND WHEN SHE SEES THE FIRST
DROP OF JOSH'S BLOOD...
SHE FAINTS.
SHE FAINTS. SHE PASSES OUT.
AND WHEN SHE FELL DOWN, THE
TUBE SLIPPED OFF THE NEEDLE, AND
MY BLOOD STARTED JUST SPURTING ALL OVER THE ROOM.
SPURTING!
SPURTING! JOSH'S ARM WAS SPEWING BLOOD
LIKE A GARDEN HOSE.
OH, YEAH, SO AFTER I LOSE
LIKE A QUART OF BLOOD, I PASSED OUT. OUT. THEN HE FAINTED.
I WAS SO UNCONSCIOUS.
I GOT BLOOD ALL OVER MY BLUE
SWEATER.
SWEATER. YEAH, GOOD TIMES.
LOOK AT THIS SWEATER!
LOOK AT IT!
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]
YOU KNOW, ANOTHER INTERESTING
PIECE OF TRIVIA ABOUT MARK TWAIN
IS THAT BEFORE HE WAS AN AUTHOR,
HE WORKED FOR A COMPANY THAT MANUFACTURED CHEWING GUM.
SO I GUESS YOU COULD CALL HIM A
CHEW CHEW TWAIN.
WHY DON'T PEOPLE EVER LAUGH AT MY JOKES?
[BELL RINGS]
OK, DON'T FORGET TO HAND IN YOUR
ESSAYS BEFORE YOU LEAVE.
HERE'S MY ESSAY, MRS. HAYFER. OH, HOW NICE.
OH, HOW NICE. I'M SUCKER FOR TRANSLUCENT
LAVENDER.
LAVENDER. MMM, WELL, WHO ISN'T?
DRAKE.
YES, MA'AM?
YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO HAND IN AN ESSAY ON CURRENT EVENTS. YEAH, WHICH I DID.
NO, THIS IS TODAY'S NEWSPAPER
WITH YOUR NAME WRITTEN ON TOP...
IN CRAYON.
IN CRAYON. WELL, YOU CAN'T GET MORE
CURRENT THAN TODAY'S
PAPER, CURRENT THAN TODAY'S PAPER, RIGHT, JOSH?
RIGHT, JOSH? OH, PLEASE, LEAVE ME OUT OF
THIS.
THIS. YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS, YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS, DRAKE?
DRAKE? AN "F"?
AN "F"? OH, THAT IS ONE QUESTION YOU
ALWAYS GET RIGHT.
AND GUESS WHAT ELSE?
WHAT? WHAT? I HATE YOU.
I KNOW.
I KNOW. [CELL PHONE RINGS]
UH, STAY.
UH, STAY. HELLO?
HELLO? YES, MARTA, WHAT IS IT?
OH, I SEE.
NO, I'M NOT ANGRY.
IT'S FINE.
IT'S FINE. I SAID I'M NOT ANGRY!
GOOD-BYE!
GOOD-BYE! IS EVERYTHING OK?
NO, MY HOUSEKEEPER JUST
CANCELED FOR THE WEEKEND.
I'M GOING AWAY, AND NOW I HAVE NO ONE TO WATCH MY HOUSE.
REALLY?
REALLY? OH, DON'T DO IT.
WELL, I'll DO IT.
SO HE DOES IT.
JOSH, THAT'S VERY SWEET, BUT
I HAVE A DOG AND LOTS OF PLANTS.
YOU DON'T WANT TO
GO... YOU DON'T WANT TO GO... WHOA, WHOA, I'M GREAT WITH
DOGS AND PLANTS.
WHEN I WAS LITTLE, I HAD A
POODLE AND A FERN.
I NAMED THEM BOTH JERRY.
OF COURSE, YOU DID.
WELL, I AM STUCK.
IF YOU REALLY DON'T MIND...
AHH, I'M ALL OVER IT.
WELL, THANK YOU, JOSH.
AND AS FOR YOU, DRAKE... I SPENT 5 YEARS IN POST GRADUATE
SCHOOL TO BECOME A TEACHER.
I'VE WON 3 NATIONAL TEACHING AWARDS.
AWARDS. I'D APPRECIATE IT IF YOU WOULD
SHOW ME AND MY ASSIGNMENTS DUE
RESPECT.
RESPECT. YOU KNOW YOU GOT A LITTLE
BOOGER RIGHT THERE?
IF YOU WANT TO GET IT, THAT'S...
OH! OH!
OH! OH! HE'S NOT WORTH IT!
HE'S NOT WORTH IT!
I'll LET GO!
♪ I NEVER THOUGHT
THAT IT'D BE SO SIMPLE, BUT I FOUND A WAY,
I FOUND A WAY, IF YOU OPEN UP YOUR MIND... ♪
♪ SEE WHAT'S INSIDE ♪
♪ IT'S GONNA TAKE SOME TIME
TO REALIGN... ♪
♪ OOH ♪
♪ BUT IF YOU LOOK INSIDE
I'M SURE YOU'LL FIND... ♪
♪ OVER YOUR SHOULDER,
YOU KNOW THAT I TOLD YOU
I'll ALWAYS BE PICKING YOU UP.
WHEN YOU'RE DOWN, SO JUST TURN AROUND,
OOH-OOH-OOH, OOOOOOOH ♪
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING] ALL RIGHT, COULD YOU MOVE IT A LITTLE BIT TO THE LEFT?
ALL RIGHT, COULD YOU MOVE IT A LITTLE BIT TO
THE LEFT? A LITTLE BIT TO THE LEFT? HEY, POP.
HEY, POP. OH, HEY.
OH, HEY. WHAT'S THAT THING?
OH, IT'S AN ELLIPTICAL
MACHINE. MACHINE. FOR WHO?
FOR WHO? FOR ME.
FOR ME. I'M GOING TO START WORKING OUT.
OK, OK, OK.
I'D LIKE TO KNOW WHAT'S SO FUNNY
ABOUT ME WORKING OUT.
OH, NOTHING.
OH, NOTHING. YOU SEE, IT'S JUST THE THOUGHT
OF YOU ACTUALLY WORKING OUT.
WELL, I BOUGHT IT BECAUSE I'M
COMPETING IN CHANNEL 7's ANNUAL.
COMPETING IN CHANNEL 7's ANNUAL 5K FUN RUN.
AGAIN? AGAIN? BUT DOESN'T THAT OTHER WEATHER
MAN ALWAYS BEAT
YOU? MAN ALWAYS BEAT YOU? WHAT'S HIS NAME, UH...
UH, BRUCE WINCHELL.
I TOLD YOU NEVER TO MENTION
HIS NAME IN THIS HOUSE.
AND FOR THE RECORD, I'M GOING TO
WIN THIS YEAR.
BRUCE WINCHELL'S NOT RUNNING?
[CRANKING]
[CRANKING] HE'S RUNNING.
HE'S RUNNING. I'M JUST GOING TO RUN FASTER.
[LAUGHTER]
[LAUGHTER] [CRANKING]
[CRANKING] I'M GOING TO GRAB A I'M GOING TO GRAB A MOCHA COLA.
MOCHA COLA. OH, HEY, CAR KEYS.
WHERE YOU HEADED?
OH, I PROMISED MY TEACHER
THAT I WOULD TAKE CARE OF HER
HOUSE WHILE SHE'S OUT OF TOWN.
SO I'M JUST GOING TO FEED HER
DOG AND WATER HER PLANTS AND STUFF. STUFF. OH, GOOD.
OH, GOOD. ON YOUR WAY HOME, WOULD YOU PICK
MEGAN UP FROM OBOE PRACTICE?
I'M GOING TO BE HERE
ALL NIGHT I'M GOING TO BE HERE ALL NIGHT WORKING OUT.
WORKING OUT. HA!
HA! IT'S NOT FUNNY!
I'll PICK UP MEGAN.
THANK YOU. THANK YOU. I'll SEE YOU IN AN HOUR.
OK.
OK. HEY, I'M GOING TO RIDE WITH
YOU. YOU. WHY?
WHY? WELL, 'CAUSE I WANT TO HELP
YOU DO STUFF FOR MRS. HAYFER.
OK, THE CHEERLEADERS PRACTICE
OUTSIDE ON SATURDAYS AND IT'S ON THE WAY.
THE WAY. SO LET'S DRIVE BY SLOWLY.
NO, ALL RIGHT?
WE'RE NOT GOING TO GAWK AT
CHEERLEADERS.
CHEERLEADERS. LORI McNEIL AND KAREN.
LORI McNEIL AND KAREN FRANKLIN ARE GOING TO BE THERE.
DON'T THEY HATE EACH OTHER? YES, THEY DO.
THINK THERE MIGHT BE A SLAP
FIGHT? FIGHT? IF WE'RE LUCKY.
WE'LL DRIVE BY THE WE'LL DRIVE BY THE CHEERLEADERS.
CHEERLEADERS. [ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]
WHY IS IT SO MUCH FUN TO
WATCH CHEERLEADERS FIGHT? DON'T QUESTION IT,
JUST LOVE IT.
TRUE THAT.
TRUE THAT. HEY, MRS. HAYFER HAS
A PRETTY NICE PLACE.
EHH, I'VE SEEN NICER. ALL RIGHT, SHE SAID SHE WAS
GOING TO LEAVE ME A NOTE, WHICH
SHOULD BE RIGHT... HERE.
HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY, NO SNOOPING.
I'M NOT SNOOPING.
I'M RIFLING THROUGH HER DRAWERS
TO SEE WHAT LIES WITHIN.
WELL, I'M IN CHARGE.
AND I DON'T WANT YOU RIFLING
THROUGH MRS. HAYFER'S DRAWERS.
TAH!
TAH! OH, GROW UP.
WOW!
WOW! THIS GIRL'S SERIOUSLY HOT.
MISS NEW JERSEY 1976.
THAT'S MRS. HAYFER.
THAT'S MRS. HAYFER?
THERE'S A NEW JERSEY?
YEAH, THEY JUST OPENED IT.
NOW JUST STAY PUT WHILE I WATER THE PLANTS.
THE PLANTS. SEARCH FOR THE STARS.
WILL YOU PUT THAT BACK?
I WANT TO SEE WHAT IT IS. ALL RIGHT, FINE. ALL RIGHT, FINE. JUST MAKE SURE YOU LEAVE
EVERYTHING THE WAY IT WAS.
YEAH, YEAH.
YEAH, YEAH. NOISE, NOISE.
NOISE, NOISE. SO HOW ABOUT THOSE TURNPIKES?
NO WAY!
NO WAY! WHAT IS IT?
IT'S MRS. HAYFER ON SEARCH.
IT'S MRS. HAYFER ON SEARCH FOR THE STARS, LIKE,
FROM A MILLION YEARS AGO.
GET OUT OF HERE.
YEAH, SHE'S DOING STAND-UP
COMEDY.
COMEDY. SO WHO HERE IS FROM NEW
JERSEY? NO? WELL,
WE'VE GOT THIS DINER THERE.
AND THERE'S THIS REALLY OLD
WAITRESS AND SHE HAS A NAME TAG THAT SAID ETHEL LINCOLN. AND I
SAID, "OH, ARE YOU A DESCENDANT
OF ABRAHAM LINCOLN'S?"
AND SHE SAID, "DESCENDANT?
I'M HIS MOTHER." AM I RIGHT?
"I'M HIS MOTHER." AM I RIGHT? IT WASN'T FUNNY.
WELL, SO I HAVE A CAT.
[CRASH AND GLASS BREAKING]
OK, WHO THREW THE CHAIR?
HEY, SHE HAS A BOOGER IN HER NOSE THERE, TOO.
OH, LOOK, A DOG.
OH, YEAH.
OH, YEAH. YEAH, HIS NAME IS TIBERIUS.
YEAH, I'M SUPPOSED TO FEED HIM
AND GIVE HIM HIS EAR MEDICINE,
WHICH IS... RIGHT HERE.
WILL YOU HOLD HIS EAR WHILE PUT
THE DROPS IN?
I DON'T WANT TO TOUCH A DOG'S
INFECTED EAR. GROSS!
GROSS?
GROSS? ON THE WAY HERE YOU ATE A PEANUT
OFF OF THE CAR FLOOR.
IT WAS HONEY ROASTED.
HOLD THE EAR.
FINE.
FINE. OK, HI, TIBERIUS.
THIS IS MY BROTHER, DRAKE.
AND HE'S JUST GOING TO HOLD YOUR
EAR WHILE I PUT...
[GROWLS AND BARKS]
AAH!
AAH! MAN, DID YOU SEE THOSE TEETH?
DO YOU SEE THE STAIN?
WHAT'S THIS DOG'S PROBLEM?
ITS PROBLEM IS IT WANTS
TO EAT US AND WE'RE IN HERE.
MRS. HAYFER ASKS YOU TO WATCH
HER HOUSE, BUT DOESN'T MENTION HER DOG IS HOMICIDAL.
IT'S NOT ON THE LIST.
IT STOPPED.
IT STOPPED. YEAH.
YEAH. MAYBE HE WENT INTO ANOTHER
ROOM. GO OUTSIDE AND CHECK.
YOU CHECK.
YOU CHECK. NO!
NO! I'M SCARED.
I'M SCARED. OH, AND I'M IN HERE 'CAUSE I
LOVE HANGING WITH YOU BY A
TOILET.
TOILET. COME ON.
COME ON. ALL RIGHT.
ALL RIGHT. AHH.
AHH. YOU JUST TURN IT.
I KNOW HOW TO WORK A KNOB.
DO YOU SEE HIM? NO, I THINK HE'S GONE. OK, NOW LET'S JUST WALK OUT...
AAH!
AAH! OH, MY GOD!
OH, HOW ARE WE GOING TO GET
OUT OF HERE?
WE GOT TO GET HELP.
OH, I'll CALL DAD.
OH, GREAT.
OH, GREAT. OH, GREAT!
OH, GREAT! [TELEPHONE RINGING]
[TELEPHONE RINGING] ♪ I'M ON A HIGHWAY
TO NOWHERE,
TO NOWHERE, TRYING TO GET BY
WITHOUT YOU,
WITHOUT YOU, I DON'T KNOW HOW
IT TOOK YOU SO LONG, YOU ♪
WELL?
WELL? NO ANSWER.
NO ANSWER. YOU PROBABLY DIALED THE WRONG
NUMBER. LET ME SEE IT.
I THINK I KNOW OUR OWN
NUMBER. NUMBER. DUDE, JUST LET ME TRY...
[BOTH MUMBLE AND GRUNT]
NICE! IT'S YOUR FAULT. GO GET IT. I'M NOT PUTTING MY HAND
IT'S YOUR FAULT. GO GET IT. I'M NOT PUTTING MY
HAND I'M NOT PUTTING MY HAND IN THERE. THAT'S WHERE
IN THERE. THAT'S WHERE MRS. HAYFER PEES.
PROBABLY DOESN'T EVEN WORK ANYMORE.
ANYMORE. YEAH, WELL, LET'S SEE.
[TOILET FLUSHES]
[TOILET FLUSHES] IT STILL WORKS.
I KNEW THE TOILET STILL
WORKED, DRAKE. I MEANT MY PHONE.
OH, WELL, THAT'S GONE.
WELL, GIVE ME YOUR PHONE.
OH, ALL RIGHT.
UM... UM... >> WHAT?
WHAT? AHH!
AHH! I SET IT DOWN OUT THERE
WHEN I PUT THE DVD IN.
NICE!
NICE! WELL, LOOK, HEY, THE DOG WELL, LOOK,
HEY, THE DOG HASN'T BARKED IN FOR A WHILE, SO
HE'S PROBABLY IN ANOTHER ROOM.
SO?
SO? SO RUN OUT THERE, GRAB MY
PHONE, AND COME BACK BEFORE
TIBERIUS KILLS YOU.
BUT YOU'RE FASTER THAN ME, SO
IT'S LESS DANGEROUS IF YOU GO.
OK, FINE.
OK, FINE. OPEN THE DOOR ON 3.
OK.
OK. OK, 1, 2, 3.
YOU HIT THE DOOR. YEAH, WHY DIDN'T YOU OPEN IT? YOU DIDN'T SAY GO.
YOU DIDN'T SAY GO. I SAID ON 3.
YEAH, 1, 2, 3, GO.
FINE, ON GO.
1, 2, 3, GO.
AAH!
AAH! AAH!
AAH! I GOT IT!
I GOT IT! OH!
OH! HI, THERE, TIBERIUS.
LAY DOWN.
LAY DOWN. NO? OK.
NO? OK. AAH!
AAH! OH!
OH! HEAD TRAUMA.
HEAD TRAUMA. WHAT HAPPENED?
WHAT HAPPENED? TIBERIUS TRIED TO SNACK ON MY
FACE, THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED.
WELL, DID YOU GET THE CELL
PHONE? PHONE? YEAH.
YEAH. YES! YES! BUT I DROPPED IT.
OH, MAN!
OH, MAN! NO, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.
[GROWLS]
[GROWLS] [CRUNCH]
[CRUNCH] YOU WERE SO SCARED, YOU COULDN'T
HOLD ON TO THE CELL PHONE?
YOU WET YOUR PANTS.
THIS IS TRUE.
[GROWLS AND BARKS]
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING] YOU REALIZE WE'VE BEEN STUCK IN HERE FOR OVER AN HOUR, DON'T
YOU REALIZE WE'VE BEEN STUCK IN HERE FOR OVER AN
HOUR, DON'T IN HERE FOR OVER AN HOUR, DON'T YOU?
YOU? YES, AND DON'T WHINE TO ME.
YOU'RE THE ONE WHO JUST HAD TO
GO SUCKING UP TO MRS. HAYFER.
[ITALIAN ACCENT] OOH,
I'M JOSH, AND I'D JUST LOVE
TO HELP YOU TAKE CARE OF YOUR
HOUSE, MRS. HAYFER.
OK, SO WHEN DID I, LIKE,
BECOME ITALIAN?
BECOME ITALIAN? YOU GOT MY POINT.
WHAT, YOU REALLY THINK I WANT
TO SPEND MY SATURDAY NIGHT
LOCKED IN MY ENGLISH TEACHER'S BATHROOM WITH YOU?
OH, COME ON.
THIS IS PROBABLY THE MOST THIS IS
PROBABLY THE MOST EXCITING SATURDAY NIGHT YOU'VE
HAD IN 5 YEARS.
OH, YOU KNOW WHAT?
SO!
SO! I MEAN, YOU REALLY SHOULDN'T
BE GOING THROUGH MRS. HAYFER'S
MEDICINE CABINET.
MEDICINE CABINET. YEAH, YEAH, THERE'S LOTS OF
STUFF I SHOULDN'T DO.
TOPICAL OINTMENT?
TOPICAL OINTMENT? APPLY TWICE DAILY TO RELIEVE
ITCHING. EW!
ITCHING. EW! HELLO, ANYBODY HOME?
WHO'S THAT?
WHO'S THAT? IT SOUNDS LIKE MEGAN.
DRAKE? JOSH?
DRAKE? JOSH? THAT IS MEGAN.
HOW DID SHE KNOW WE...
OH, NO!
OH, NO! SHE'S OUTSIDE WITH TIBERIUS.
NO, HE'LL EAT HER ALIVE!
COME ON.
COME ON. DUDE!
DUDE! WELL, JUST 'CAUSE SHE GETS
EATEN DOESN'T MEAN WE HAVE TO.
THAT'S OUR LITTLE SISTER OUT
THERE. NOW WE GOTTA
GO HELP HER.
OH, ALL RIGHT.
COME ON.
COME ON. [LOUD WHISPER] Megan!
Run!
Run! I DON'T WANT TO RUN.
[LOUD WHISPER] But he's.
[LOUD WHISPER] But he's vicious.
Vicious. YEAH, HE'S REAL VICIOUS.
OOH, DOWN, BOY.
YOU'RE SO SCARY.
I DON'T GET IT. WELL, HE'S ALL CALM. EVIL DOG, EVIL GIRL.
MAKES PERFECT SENSE.
WHERE HAVE YOU TWO BEEN?
YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PICK ME UP 2 HOURS AGO.
HOW'D YOU KNOW WE WERE HERE?
DAD SAID YOU WERE STOPPING
HERE AND THEN PICKING ME UP,
WHICH YOU DIDN'T.
WE COULDN'T.
WE COULDN'T. YEAH, WE WERE TRAPPED HERE BY
THIS DEMON DOG.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
WHEN YOU'RE NOT AROUND, HE
GOES ALL BERSERK AND TRIES TO KILL US.
KILL US. REALLY?
REALLY? YEAH.
YEAH. SEE YA.
SEE YA. [GROWLS AND BARKS]
AAH!
AAH! WHOA!
WHOA! OH! AHH!
OH! AHH! [NO AUDIO]
[NO AUDIO] [ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING] DUDE, YOU'VE BEEN DOING THAT
FOR A HALF HOUR.
IF YOU HAVE TO PEE, PEE ALREADY.
I CAN'T GO WITH YOU IN HERE.
WHY NOT?
WHY NOT? I GET STAGE FRIGHT.
WE TALKED ABOUT THIS.
YOU JUST BEND YOUR KNEES, WIGGLE
YOUR HIPS, AND THINK ABOUT
WATERFALLS.
WATERFALLS. ALL RIGHT, CLOSE YOUR EYES.
HELLO, ANYONE HOME?
[ZIPS PANTS]
[ZIPS PANTS] NOW WHO'S HERE?
HELLO, ANIMAL CONTROL.
ANIMAL CONTROL? GO, GO, GO.
HEY. HEY. HI.
HI. YOU BOYS HAVE A CANINE ISSUE?
YEAH, HOW'D YOU KNOW?
YEAH, WE GOT A CALL FROM ONE
OF THE NEIGHBORS.
SAID SHE HAD HEARD LOUD BARKING
AND GIRLS SCREAMING ALL NIGHT
LONG.
LONG. ARE YOU THE SCREAMING GIRLS?
MAYBE.
MAYBE. SORT OF.
SORT OF. OK, WHERE'S THE DOG?
WE'RE NOT SURE.
BUT YOU SHOULD PUT ON SOME
PROTECTIVE PADDING OR SOMETHING.
YEAH, THIS DOG IS BIG AND WAY OUT OF CONTROL.
LOOK, BOYS, I'VE BEEN DOING
THIS 11 YEARS.
DON'T WORRY ABOUT ME.
I CAN HANDLE ANY DOG SITUATION
THAT COULD POSSIBLY...
[DOG BARKS AND GROWLS]
AAH!
AAH! [SCREAMING]
[SCREAMING] [DOG BARKING]
[DOG BARKING] AAH!
AAH! OH!
OH! AAH!
AAH! AAH! THERE'S MY... AAH!
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]
SO...
SO... YOU'VE BEEN AN ANIMAL CONTROL
GUY FOR 11 YEARS, HUH?
TRAINED TO HANDLE ANY KIND OF
DOG SITUATION, HAVE YOU?
I'VE NEVER SEEN A DOG LIKE
THIS ONE.
THIS ONE. I'VE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING THIS
SCARY, AND I FOUGHT IN 'NAM.
'NAM?
'NAM? YOU KNOW, VIETNAM.
WHERE'S THAT, NEW JERSEY?
WHAT'S WRONG WITH HIM?
YOU KNOW, WE'RE NOT SURE.
LOOK, DO YOU WANT TO SPEND
THE REST OF OUR SATURDAY NIGHT INSULTING ME OR YOU WANT
TO INSULTING ME OR YOU WANT TO FIGURE A WAY OUT OF HERE?
WELL, I MEAN, YOU'RE THE
ANIMAL CONTROL GUY.
WHY DON'T YOU GO OUT THERE
AND CONTROL THAT BEAST?
NO, UH-UH, I'M NOT GOING OUT
THERE AND LET THAT MONSTER CHEW MY BUTT OFF.
I'M GOING TO SIT RIGHT HERE ON
THIS TOILET, THANK YOU VERY
MUCH.
MUCH. WELL, FINE.
WELL, FINE. WE'RE GETTING OUT OF HERE
RIGHT NOW.
RIGHT NOW. GOOD LUCK, HAMBURGER MEAT.
HEY, HAND ME THAT BAR OF SOAP
OVER THERE.
OVER THERE. WHAT, YOU'VE NEVER SEEN A MAN
WHITTLING ON A TOILET?
ACTUALLY, NO.
ACTUALLY, NO. NO, WE HAVEN'T.
RIGHT, SO HOW DO WE GET OUT
OF HERE?
OF HERE? OK, I THINK THAT IF WE RUN
OUT AND SPLIT UP, JUST RUN IN
DIFFERENT DIRECTIONS, WE'LL BE ABLE TO CONFUSE HIM.
AND WE'LL GET TO THE DOOR,
BEFORE HE CAN KILL US.
WANT TO GO FOR IT? WANT TO GO FOR IT? I DON'T KNOW.
IT'S KIND OF RISKY.
HEY, YOUNG MAN, FEEL THIS
LUMP ON MY SHOULDER AND YOU TELL
ME IF IT SHOULD BE REMOVED.
YEAH, LET'S DO IT.
OK.
OK. ON 3, READY? ON 3, READY? ALL RIGHT.
ALL RIGHT. 1, 2, 3.
1, 2, 3. [BOTH SCREAMING]
[BOTH SCREAMING] [DOG BARKING]
WHOA! AHH! [CRASH]
AHH! [CRASH] [CRASH] UH!
UH! AAH!
AAH! JOSH! HELP!
JOSH! HELP! JOSH!
JOSH! I'M DANGLING AND ROTATING.
OH!
OH! JOSH, HELP!
JOSH, HELP! DRAKE, HOLD ON!
WOO!
WOO! JOSH!
JOSH! JOSH, WHERE'D YOU GO?
I'M IN THE KITCHEN!
OH, THIS IS NO TIME FOR
SNACKING.
SNACKING. WHOO!
WHOO! WHOO!
WHOO! LOOK, TIBERIUS, MEAT.
COME ON.
COME ON. UH!
UH! [BARKS AND GROWLS]
HA HA!
HA HA! SUCKA!
SUCKA! OK, DRAKE, COME DOWN.
OH!
OH! OK, THAT'S MORE LIKE IT.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER] HE'S GONE?
HE'S GONE? HE'S GONE!
HE'S GONE! OH, HUG ME, BROTHER!
AAH!
AAH! [GROWLS AND BARKS]
[BOTH SCREAM]
[BOTH SCREAM] UH!
UH! [INDISTINCT SCREAMS]
[INDISTINCT SCREAMS] [THUMP]
[THUMP] [ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]
OOH!
OOH! OW!
OW! AND WE ARE HOME!
OH, I LOVE THIS HOME.
OH, ME, TOO, BRO. HA!
HA! THAT WAS INSANE.
I'VE NEVER BEEN SO SCARED IN
MY LIFE. MY LIFE. I KNOW, RIGHT?
OH, WE BETTER TELL DAD WHAT
HAPPENED.
HAPPENED. YEAH.
YEAH. DAD!
DAD! HEY, WALTER!
HEY, WALTER! POP!
POP! I WONDER WHERE HE WENT.
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]
HELLO!
HELLO! DRAKE!
DRAKE! JOSH!
JOSH! HELLO, WHO'S THAT?
'SUP? HELLO. I MADE A DUCK.
DRAKE! JOSH!
HEY. OH! NICE DOGGIE!
NICE DOGGIE! WHOA, POOCH!
WHOA, POOCH! OH! OH! WHOA!
NO, NO, NICE DOGGIE.
OH!
OH! AHH!
AHH! [ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]
SO WHY DO THEY CALL IT NEW
JERSEY, IF THEY'VE NEVER EVEN
HAD A PLAIN OLD JERSEY?
I DON'T KNOW.
I WASN'T AT THE MEETING.
HEY, TURN IT TO CHANNEL 5.
I'M GOING TO GO GRAB A DRINK.
[INDISTINCT TALKING ON TV] HMM.
HMM. AAH!
AAH! AAH!
AAH! AHH!
SO IS THERE AN OLD HAMPSHIRE?
[CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL
[ CAPTIONING INSTITUTE. www.ncicap.org... ]
RIGHT.
[BANGING] [BELL RINGS] MMM.
MMM. [BUZZING]