[ MUSIC ] I'll TELL YOU WHAT? [LAUGHTER]
HEY, HOW ARE YOU DOING?
[LAUGHTER]
DRAKE JUST THINKS
HE'S SUCH HOT STUFF.
[LAUGHTER]
JOSH IS A SILLY BROTHER.
[LAUGHTER]
BUT HE ALWAYS THINKS
HE CAN BEAT ME AT EVERYTHING.
BUT HE ALWAYS THINKS HE CAN BEAT ME AT EVERYTHING. SO, GUESS WHAT WE BET TODAY?
HE CAN BEAT ME AT EVERYTHING. SO, GUESS WHAT
WE BET TODAY? HE BET ME THAT HE COULD PAINT
SO, GUESS WHAT WE BET TODAY? HE BET ME THAT
HE COULD PAINT A PICTURE OF ABRAHAM LINCOLN
HE BET ME THAT HE COULD PAINT A PICTURE OF ABRAHAM LINCOLN IN A BIKINI
BEFORE I COULD STACK
150 CANS OF TUNA FISH
INTO A PYRAMID.
[LAUGHTER]
THAT HE COULD STACK
[LAUGHTER] THAT HE COULD STACK 150 CANS OF TUNA FISH
INTO A PYRAMID
BEFORE I COULD PAINT A PICTURE
OF ABRAHAM LINCOLN
WEARING A BIKINI.
FOUR CANS TO GO.
[LAUGHTER]
OH, MAN.
JOSH IS PROBABLY OH, MAN. JOSH IS PROBABLY ALMOST FINISHED.
FIVE SECONDS TO PYRAMID.
[LAUGHTER]
WHOOPS.
[LAUGHTER] MY TUNA. [LAUGHTER]
TA-DA.
[LAUGHTER] TA-DA. [LAUGHTER]
TA-DA. [LAUGHTER] [ MUSIC ]
HEY, JOSH. [LAUGHTER] WHAT'S UP, GAVIN?
SOME HIPPIE'S WASHING
HIS FEET IN THEATER SEVEN.
HELEN WANTS HIM OUT.
SO GO GET THE HIPPIE. CAN'T. GOT TO CALL MY BARBER.
WHY?
IT'S ABOUT MY HAIR.
[LAUGHTER]
SO I GO HOME THINKING EVERYTHING'S FINE.
DRAKE, DRAKE, DRAKE, DRAKE, DRAKE.
HANG ON A SECOND.
SO, MY FOOT'S TOTALLY STUCK IN THERE, RIGHT?
I'M FREAKING OUT.
THE DOG'S HAVING A SEIZURE.
I STILL GOT HALF A PIE LEFT.
COME HERE. [LAUGHTER] DUDE, I'M IN A MIDDLE
OF A STORY.
THERE'S YOUR STORY.
WHOA.
THAT'S A HEALTHY GIRL.
[LAUGHTER]
HOW HOT IS SHE?
I'll LET YOU KNOW.
WA-WA-WAIT.
[LAUGHTER] WA-WA-WAIT. [LAUGHTER] WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
I'M GOING
TO GO ASK HER OUT.
WELL, MAYBE I WANT
TO ASK HER OUT.
COME ON MAN, LOOK AT HER.
SHE'S RIDICULOUSLY HOT.
DON'T YOU THINK
SHE'S A LITTLE MORE MY SPEED?
[LAUGHTER]
SHE COULD BE MY SPEED.
ALL RIGHT.
YOU KNOW, YOU SAW HER FIRST,
SO I GUESS IT'S ONLY FAIR THAT...
[LAUGHTER]
HOW ARE YOU
DOING? [LAUGHTER] HOW ARE YOU DOING? MY NAME'S DRAKE.
I WAS JUST WONDERING
IF MAYBE YOU GUYS...
AHH, OOH.
[LAUGHTER]
HEY, WHAT'S THE HAPS? [LAUGHTER] HEY, WHAT'S THE HAPS? I'M JOSH.
JUST SAYING IF MAYBE YOU WANTED
TO HANG OUT SOMETIME...
STOP IT. [LAUGHTER]
I GOT THE HIPPIE. [LAUGHTER]
[ MUSIC ] ♪ I NEVER THOUGHT THAT ♪
♪ IT'D BE SO SIMPLE ♪
♪ BUT I FOUND A WAY ♪
♪ I FOUND A WAY ♪
♪ IF YOU OPEN UP YOUR MIND ♪
♪ (SEE WHAT'S INSIDE) ♪
♪ SO IT'S GOING TO TAKE ♪
♪ SOME TIME TO REALIGN ♪
♪ BUT IF YOU LOOK INSIDE ♪
♪ I'M SURE YOU'LL FIND ♪
♪ OVER YOUR SHOULDER ♪
♪ YOU KNOW THAT I TOLD YOU ♪
♪ I'll ALWAYS BE ♪
♪ PICKING YOU UP ♪
♪ WHEN YOU'RE DOWN ♪
♪ SO JUST TURN AROUND ♪
[ MUSIC ]
I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU. DUDE, LET IT GO. YOU DON'T THINK
I CAN GET GIRLS?
YOU WANT A SODA?
I'M NOT THE SAME
LITTLE GOOFY KID THAT MOVED IN
WITH YOU THREE YEARS AGO.
LITTLE GOOFY KID THAT MOVED IN WITH YOU THREE YEARS
AGO. I KNOW. WITH YOU THREE YEARS AGO. I KNOW. GOOD.
YOU'RE TALLER.
[LAUGHTER]
LOOK, I CAN GET
JUST AS MANY GIRLS AS YOU CAN.
LOOK, I CAN GET JUST AS MANY GIRLS AS YOU CAN. WELL, YEAH, MAYBE.
YOU KNOW IF I WERE IN A COMA.
[LAUGHTER]
IN A HOSPITAL
WITH NO FEMALE NURSES.
[LAUGHTER]
OH, REALLY?
YOU WANT TO BET?
OH, REALLY? YOU WANT TO BET? A BET TO SEE WHICH ONE OF US
CAN GET MORE GIRLS? A
BET TO SEE WHICH ONE OF US CAN GET MORE GIRLS? YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT.
OH, OKAY.
YES. YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT. OH, OKAY. YES. I WANT TO BET.
MEGAN.
WHAT ARE YOU CALLING HER FOR?
OH, I WANT A WITNESS TO THIS.
DUDE, JUST GIVE UP
BEFORE YOU EMBARRASS YOURSELF.
OH, NO.
NO, I NEVER GIVE UP
BEFORE I EMBARRASS MYSELF.
[LAUGHTER]
WHAT?
[LAUGHTER] WHAT? DRAKE AND I ARE MAKING A BET.
OH, GOD.
[LAUGHTER]
THE BET IS,
TO SEE WHICH ONE OF US
CAN DATE THE MOST GIRLS
IN ONE WEEK.
ME OR DRAKE.
[LAUGHTER]
STOP LAUGHING.
[LAUGHTER]
NOW, THE RULES ARE...
EACH DATE MUST LAST
AT LEAST ONE HOUR
AND YOU CAN'T DATE ANY GIRL
YOU ALREADY KNOW
AND YOU CAN'T DATE THE SAME GIRL
MORE THAN ONCE.
NOW, DO YOU UNDERSTAND
AND ACCEPT THESE RULES
AS I'VE EXPLAINED THEM TO YOU?
THIS IS YOUR LAST CHANCE
AT BACKING OUT...
DO YOU UNDERSTAND
AND ACCEPT THESE
RULES? DO YOU UNDERSTAND AND ACCEPT THESE RULES? [LAUGHTER]
YES, IT'S A BET.
[LAUGHTER]
OKAY.
AND IF I WIN I...
OKAY. AND IF I WIN I... WE SWITCH BEDS.
WHOA, NO WAY.
I'M DRAKE, OKAY?
I SLEEP IN THE COOL BED.
[LAUGHTER]
AFRAID YOU'RE GOING TO LOSE?
OKAY, FINE.
FINE, BUT IF I WIN, THEN I GET
YOUR PERFECT ATTENDANCE TROPHY.
[LAUGHTER]
WHY WOULD YOU WANT
MY PERFECT ATTENDANCE TROPHY?
WHY WOULD YOU WANT MY PERFECT ATTENDANCE TROPHY? BECAUSE IF I HAVE IT,
THEN YOU WON'T, AND THAT...
WILL DESTROY YOU.
[LAUGHTER]
OH YOU ARE A SICK, SICK, BOY.
[LAUGHTER] OH YOU ARE A SICK, SICK, BOY. [LAUGHTER]
WELL, IS IT A BET OR NOT?
IT'S ON.
AND ONE WEEK STARTS... NOW.
YOU'LL SEE. I'll HAVE FIVE DATES BEFORE I GO TO SLEEP TONIGHT.
I'll HAVE FIVE DATES BEFORE I GO TO SLEEP TONIGHT. YOU'LL SEE.
[LAUGHTER]
[SHOUTING]
[LAUGHTER] [SHOUTING] [LAUGHTER]
[SHOUTING] [LAUGHTER] HE FELL DOWN THE STAIRS.
AGAIN.
HEY, THANKS. I'll CALL YOU. WILL YOU COME ON? [LAUGHTER]
WILL YOU COME ON? [LAUGHTER] YOU'RE JUST
MAD [LAUGHTER] YOU'RE JUST MAD BECAUSE I GOT
THAT GIRL'S PHONE NUMBER.
ELEVEN?
OH MAN,
SHE FORGOT TO WRITE DOWN
THE REST OF THE NUMBER.
YEAH. FORGOT.
[LAUGHTER]
[ MUSIC ]
HELP YOU FIND SOMETHING? OH NO, I GOT... [LAUGHS]
NO, I GOT IT.
SPARKS, NICE.
YES, I SAW THEM LIVE LAST WEEK
AT "THE PYTHON."
NO WAY, I WAS THERE.
OH YEAH, YOU WERE THE GUY
IN THE CROWD LISTENING.
YEAH, THAT WAS ME.
I WAS KIDDING.
I KNOW.
[LAUGHTER]
COME ON.
I'll RING YOU UP.
OKAY.
SO, I WAS THINKING LIKE,
MAYBE, YOU AND ME COULD GO GET
A BURGER OR SOMETHING.
[LAUGHTER]
I'M A VEGETARIAN.
THAT'S COOL, I'M
A VEGETARIAN. THAT'S COOL, GOOD FOR ANIMALS.
GOOD FOR COLON.
[LAUGHTER]
LET'S SEE... "SPARKS,
LIVE FROM THE BLACK ROCK."
LET'S SEE... "SPARKS, LIVE FROM THE BLACK ROCK." THAT'LL BE $904.
[LAUGHTER]
WHOA, THAT SEEMS
[LAUGHTER] WHOA, THAT SEEMS A LITTLE HIGH.
HOW ABOUT $10,
AND YOU COME AND LISTEN TO THIS
WITH ME.
[LAUGHTER]
WILL THERE BE SNACKS?
THERE WILL BE SNACKS.
[LAUGHTER]
OKAY.
[LAUGHTER] OKAY. OKAY.
OKAY. OKAY. HOW ABOUT SOME ICE CREAM?
I'M LACTOSE INTOLERANT.
I DON'T BELIEVE YOU.
[LAUGHTER]
COME ON,
YOU GOT TO EAT SOMETHING.
COME ON, YOU GOT TO EAT SOMETHING. HEY, I'M TALKING TO YOU,
HEY, SLOW DOWN.
[ MUSIC ]
IT'S STILL A LITTLE ROUGH. YOU KNOW, I GOT TO REMIX IT AND STUFF...
YOU KNOW, I GOT TO REMIX IT AND STUFF... YOU WROTE THAT
SONG? AND STUFF... YOU WROTE THAT SONG? UH-HUH. YOU LIKE IT?
I LOVE IT, ESPECIALLY THAT
CHORD PROGRESSION AT THE END.
HOW'D THAT GO?
YOU PLAY GUITAR? I KNOW. WOW, WHAT ELSE CAN YOU DO?
I CAN PUT A CHERRY STEM
IN MY MOUTH
AND TIE IT IN A KNOT.
[LAUGHTER]
OH, THE ULTIMATE TEST
OF A GOOD KISSER.
I'll RACE YOU.
GO.
[LAUGHTER]
GO. [LAUGHTER] HUH.
[LAUGHTER] HUH. HUH.
HUH. HUH. I WAS FIRST.
YEAH, HALF A SECOND.
HMM, SO I'M HALF YEAH,
HALF A SECOND. HMM, SO I'M HALF A SECOND BETTER KISSER
THAN YOU
ARE. A SECOND BETTER KISSER THAN YOU ARE. [LAUGHTER]
WELL, PROVE IT.
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
HMM, I CAN TIE A KNOT IN A CHERRY STEM. THE ULTIMATE TEST
OF A GOOD KISSER.
[LAUGHTER]
ARE YOU OKAY? DID I HIT YOU TOO HARD? NO, NO, IT WAS JUST MY SPINE.
DID I HIT YOU TOO HARD? NO, NO, IT WAS JUST MY SPINE. [LAUGHTER]
HEY, LISTEN, YOU USED TO BE
A GIRL.
HEY, THANKS.
[LAUGHTER]
NO, I MEANT WHEN YOU WERE
MY AGE, WHAT MADE YOU WANT
TO GO OUT WITH A GUY?
IS THIS ABOUT THAT BET
YOU HAVE WITH DRAKE?
MEGAN TOLD ME.
MEGAN...
[LAUGHTER]
MEGAN... [LAUGHTER] LOOK, I REALLY DON'T APPROVE
OF YOU USING GIRLS
AS POINTS IN A CONTEST.
NO, I JUST WANT TO SHOW DRAKE
THAT HE'S NOT THE ONLY ONE
WHO CAN GET DATES.
OKAY. LET'S GO.
WHERE?
THE PREMIERE.
I'M GOING TO GIVE YOU SOME TIPS
ON PICKING UP GIRLS.
[LAUGHTER]
I DON'T KNOW, I MEAN,
HAVING YOUR MOM TEACH YOU
I DON'T KNOW, I MEAN, HAVING YOUR MOM TEACH YOU HOW TO PICK UP GIRLS.
IT'S KIND OF
PATHETIC. HOW TO PICK UP GIRLS. IT'S KIND OF PATHETIC. YOU COMING?
YUP.
[LAUGHTER]
[ MUSIC ]
SO? SEE ANY GIRLS YOU LIKE? YEAH.
THAT ONE OVER THERE.
IN THE GREEN SWEATER.
OKAY. IN THE
GREEN SWEATER. OKAY. HERE'S WHAT YOU'RE GOING TO DO.
GO.
I WANT YOU TO WALK UP TO HER.
GIVE HER A COMPLEMENT.
THEN JUST WALK AWAY.
WALK AWAY?
WALK AWAY.
BUT HOW AM I GOING WALK AWAY. BUT HOW AM
I GOING TO GET HER... BUT HOW AM I GOING TO GET HER... DO IT.
OKAY.
[LAUGHTER]
HELLO. HI. I'M JOSH.
WHATEVER.
[LAUGHTER]
WHATEVER. [LAUGHTER] THOSE ARE REALLY COOL SHOES.
THANKS.
LATER.
THANKS. LATER. HEY, WAIT UP.
YUP.
YOU JUST TELL ME YUP. YOU JUST TELL ME I HAVE COOL SHOES
THEN WALK AWAY?
WELL, YEAH, THEY'RE COOL.
WHY?
I DON'T KNOW.
I MEAN, I THOUGHT
YOU WERE HITTING ON ME.
NO.
NO, I JUST REALLY
LIKE THOSE SHOES.
OH.
WELL, YOU WANT
TO CALL ME SOMETIME?
WELL, YOU WANT TO CALL ME SOMETIME? OKAY.
[LAUGHTER]
WOW. ALL SEVEN DIGITS. HUH?
ALL SEVEN DIGITS. HUH? NOTHING. HUH? NOTHING. NOTHING.
NOTHING. NOTHING. I WILL CALL YOU.
I'll CALL YOU.
ALL RIGHT.
[LAUGHTER]
OKAY, WHAT ARE YOU?
SOME KIND OF WIZARD?
[LAUGHTER]
I JUST KNOW HOW GIRLS WORK.
SEE, IF YOU'RE REALLY NICE
BUT YOU DON'T TRY
TO ASK THEM OUT,
THEY DON'T FEEL PRESSURED,
THEN THEY CHASE AFTER YOU.
YOU ARE A WIZARD.
[LAUGHTER] YOU ARE A WIZARD. [LAUGHTER] OH.
[LAUGHTER] OH. CUTE BLONDE.
PURPLE PURSE.
GO GET HER, BOY.
[LAUGHTER]
HEY, HEY. [LAUGHTER] HEY, HEY. WE NEED TO TALK.
DUDE, I WAS JUST WE NEED
TO TALK. DUDE, I WAS JUST ABOUT TO GO OVER THERE.
LOOK, I WANT TO CALL
OFF ABOUT TO GO OVER THERE. LOOK, I WANT TO CALL OFF THE BET.
OH, DO YOU?
[LAUGHTER] OH, DO YOU? [LAUGHTER] YEAH, YEAH.
YOU KNOW THE GIRL I MET YEAH,
YEAH. YOU KNOW THE GIRL I MET AT SPINNERS THE OTHER DAY?
CARLY?
LOOK, I REALLY LIKE HER.
OR MAYBE YOU'RE JUST AFRAID
LOOK, I REALLY LIKE HER. OR MAYBE YOU'RE JUST AFRAID YOU'RE GOING TO LOSE.
DUDE, I'M BEING
SERIOUS, YOU'RE GOING TO LOSE. DUDE, I'M BEING SERIOUS, ALL RIGHT?
WE HUNG OUT ALL DAY YESTERDAY,
ALL RIGHT? WE HUNG OUT ALL DAY YESTERDAY, TODAY, AND TONIGHT WE'RE...
SO? TODAY, AND TONIGHT WE'RE... SO? SO SHE'S AWESOME.
AND I JUST WANT TO FOCUS ON HER,
ALL RIGHT?
IT'S LIKE I'VE NEVER FELT
THIS WAY BEFORE.
SORRY, BRO,
BUT YOU MADE A BET, ALL RIGHT.
SORRY, BRO, BUT YOU MADE A BET, ALL RIGHT. AND THE TERMS...
I KNOW THE TERMS, OKAY?
WHOEVER DATES THE MOST GIRLS
IN A WEEK WINS.
BUT I'M TELLING YOU...
THE MOST GIRLS?
CARLY, HEY.
I WAS JUST TELLING JOSH...
I'M JUST PART OF A BET?
NO, CARLY.
AND WHAT NUMBER GIRL AM I?
THE 11th?
FIFTEENTH?
HOW MANY GIRLS HAVE YOU DATED.
FIFTEENTH? HOW MANY GIRLS HAVE YOU DATED THIS WEEK?
I'M WORKING ON NUMBER TWO.
[LAUGHTER]
LOOK, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.
OH, I UNDERSTAND EVERYTHING. LOOK,
YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. OH, I UNDERSTAND EVERYTHING. ALL THAT STUFF YOU SAID
ABOUT ME BEFORE WAS A LIE.
CARLY.
LEAVE ME ALONE.
REMOVE.
I GOT A PERM. [ MUSIC ]
CAN I TALK TO YOU? CAN I HELP YOU FIND A CD? SERIOUSLY.
CAN I HELP YOU FIND A CD? SERIOUSLY. HA.
SERIOUSLY. HA. SERIOUSLY.
HA. SERIOUSLY. I'M NOT FAMILIAR WITH THAT BAND.
WHY DON'T YOU CHECK
IN THE "S" SECTION.
PLEASE?
LOOK, I REALLY LIKE YOU.
AND I REALLY LIKED YOU
TILL I FOUND OUT I WAS
JUST PART AND I REALLY LIKED YOU TILL I FOUND OUT I WAS JUST PART OF A BET.
LOOK, WHEN I MET YOU
I COMPLETELY FORGOT ABOUT THAT.
OH, COME ON.
YOU MAKE A BET WITH YOUR BROTHER
TO SEE WHO CAN DATE
THE MOST GIRLS IN A WEEK,
AND THEN YOU ASK ME OUT.
I MEAN, I'M SUPPOSED TO BELIEVE
THAT WAS JUST A COINCIDENCE? YOU LIED TO ME, DRAKE.
NO, I DIDN'T LIE.
YOU PRETENDED TO LIKE ME,
AND IT WASN'T REAL.
AND THAT MAKES YOU A LIAR.
OKAY, I WASN'T PRETENDING.
WHY ARE YOU SO HUNG UP ON THIS?
BECAUSE I'VE DATED GUYS
WHO LIE, AND I AM NOT
GOING THERE AGAIN.
OKAY, FINE. FINE.
YOU WANT TO SEE HOW HONEST I AM?
I'll SHOW YOU HONESTY.
YOU HAVE BAD TASTE IN MUSIC.
[LAUGHTER]
YOU, YOUR HEAD'S SHAPED
LIKE A LEMON.
[LAUGHTER]
AND YOU, YOU SMELL WEIRD.
[LAUGHTER] AND YOU, YOU SMELL WEIRD. THE CITY SHUT OFF MY WATER.
[LAUGHTER]
OKAY.
[LAUGHTER] OKAY. THAT'S NOT HONESTY.
THAT'S JUST BEING RUDE
TO PEOPLE.
WELL, YOU KNOW IT'S ALL TRUE.
HEY, HEY, THIS IS PRIVATE
LEMONHEAD.
[LAUGHTER]
GOOD-BYE, DRAKE.
[LAUGHTER] GOOD-BYE, DRAKE. [ MUSIC ]
MAN, I'M SITTING HERE ALL ALONE AND JOSH IS PROBABLY OUT
ALL ALONE AND JOSH IS PROBABLY OUT ON A BIG MONTAGE OF DATES.
[LAUGHTER]
♪ NOT MAKIN' EXCUSES ♪
♪ I'M STANDIN' TALL ♪
♪ AND LIVIN' LOUD ♪
♪ GETTIN' TO KNOW ♪
♪ WHAT'S OUT THERE ♪
♪ RACIN' MYSELF ON A DARE ♪
♪ NO DOUBTS ♪
♪ AND IF I SUDDENLY CRASH ♪
♪ I'll JUST LOOK BACK ♪
♪ AND LAUGH ♪
♪ IT MIGHT ALL MAKE SENSE ♪
♪ IN SOME DAY AND A HALF ♪
♪ HERE I GO AGAIN ♪
♪ BELIEVIN' REAL THINGS HAPPEN ♪
♪ SKATING ON A DREAM ♪
♪ SLAMMING INTO DESTINY ♪
♪ JUST WHEN YOU THINK ♪
♪ I WON'T MAKE IT PAST PRETEND ♪
♪ DON'T QUESTION IT ♪
♪ HERE I GO AGAIN ♪
♪ IT'S MY MOMENT ♪
♪ EVERY MOMENT ♪
♪ YOU CAN ALWAYS COUNT ME IN ♪
♪ MY FOREVER ♪
♪ IS RIGHT NOW, AND ♪
♪ I'M NOT EVER GIVING IN ♪
♪ OOOH ♪
♪ IT ISN'T SO CONFUSING ♪
♪ DON'T WANNA BE ANYONE BUT ME ♪
♪ GETTING TO KNOW ♪
♪ WHAT'S INSIDE ♪
♪ FINDIN' MYSELF ♪
♪ NOT MY WANNABE ♪
♪ AND IF I SUDDENLY CRASH ♪
♪ I'll JUST LOOK BACK ♪
♪ AND LAUGH ♪
♪ LEAVE MY TROUBLES BEHIND ♪
♪ LIKE A DAY IN THE PAST ♪
♪ HERE I GO AGAIN ♪
♪ BELIEVIN' REAL THINGS HAPPEN ♪
♪ SKATING ON A DREAM ♪
♪ SLAMMING INTO DESTINY ♪
♪ HERE I GO AGAIN ♪
♪ BELIEVIN' REAL THINGS HAPPEN ♪
♪ SKATING ON A DREAM ♪
♪ SLAMMING INTO DESTINY ♪
♪ JUST WHEN YOU THINK ♪
♪ I WON'T MAKE IT PAST PRETEND ♪
LISTEN, WE DON'T FEEL
COMFORTABLE DOING THIS.
ARE YOU GUYS MY FRIENDS
OR NOT?
I DON'T KNOW.
ARE WE?
[LAUGHTER]
BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T INVITE US
TO YOUR BIRTHDAY PARTY.
WELL, DID YOU
INVITE ME TO YOUR BIRTHDAY PARTY. WELL, DID YOU INVITE ME TO YOURS?
YES. TO YOURS? YES. DON'T YOU REMEMBER?
YOU SHOWED UP, ATE MY FUDGE CAKE
AND TOOK A NAP IN MY BED.
[LAUGHTER]
CAN WE JUST DO THIS?
FINE.
JUST LIKE WE PLANNED.
[ MUSIC ]
[LAUGHTER] OH, LOOK, DRAKE, SOMEONE DROPPED THEIR WALLET.
OH, LOOK, DRAKE, SOMEONE DROPPED THEIR WALLET. [LAUGHTER]
A WALLET, HUH?
YEAH.
AND IT'S FULL OF CASH.
LET'S KEEP IT.
KEEP IT?
NO, WE HAVE TO FIND OUT
KEEP IT? NO, WE HAVE TO FIND OUT WHO THIS BELONGS TO.
[LAUGHTER]
AH, LET'S SEE.
AH, IS THERE
A CRAIG RAMIREZ, HERE?
[LAUGHTER]
I'M CRAIG RAMIREZ.
[LAUGHTER]
AH, WELL, HERE'S YOUR WALLET,
WHICH YOU MUST HAVE DROPPED.
BUT DON'T WORRY,
ALL OF YOUR MONEY'S IN THERE.
THANKS, YOU'RE REALLY HONEST.
[LAUGHTER]
OH, CARLY. HEY, HEY, WHEN DID YOU GET HERE? OKAY, THAT WAS PATHETIC.
HEY, HEY, WHEN DID YOU GET HERE? OKAY, THAT WAS PATHETIC.
[LAUGHTER] OKAY, THAT WAS PATHETIC. [LAUGHTER] WHAT?
[LAUGHTER] WHAT? YOU REALLY THOUGHT WHAT? YOU REALLY THOUGHT YOU COULD TRICK ME
INTO THINKING YOU'RE HONEST?
THAT'S BAD?
YES.
YOU KNOW, I DON'T THINK YES.
YOU KNOW, I DON'T THINK YOU HAVE THE FIRST CLUE WHAT HONESTY IS.
DID YOU TAKE
MY MOM'S CREDIT CARD?
[LAUGHTER]
CAN YOU HELP ME GET THIS GUM OUT OF MY HAIR? [LAUGHTER]
GET THIS GUM OUT OF MY HAIR? [LAUGHTER] NO, I'M NOT TOUCHING
YOUR MAN PERM.
[LAUGHTER]
I TOLD YOU,
I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO LEAVE WORK.
JUST GIVE ME 10 MINUTES.
WAIT.
AND AFTER THAT,
IF YOU STILL WANT ME
AND AFTER THAT, IF YOU STILL WANT ME TO LEAVE YOU ALONE, I SWEAR
I WILL NEVER BOTHER YOU AGAIN.
TEN MINUTES.
HEY,
EVERYBODY. TEN MINUTES. HEY, EVERYBODY. COULD I HAVE
YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE,
OVER HERE, EVERYONE.
LOOK, I KNOW I HAVEN'T TALKED
TO A LOT OF YOU IN A WHILE
AND YOU'RE
ALL TO A LOT OF YOU IN A WHILE AND YOU'RE ALL PROBABLY WONDERING
WHY YOU'RE HERE.
THAT'S EXACTLY
WHAT WE'RE WONDERING.
[LAUGHTER]
OH, IT'S SO NICE
TO SEE YOU, MRS. FUTCH.
HOW'S YOUR
CAT? TO SEE YOU, MRS. FUTCH. HOW'S YOUR CAT? DEAD.
[LAUGHTER]
DEAD. [LAUGHTER] OKAY.
[LAUGHTER] OKAY. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
THIS.
OKAY.
THIS. OKAY. LOOK, I HAVE A FEW THINGS
TO TELL YOU. LOOK, I
HAVE A FEW THINGS TO TELL YOU. I HAVEN'T ALWAYS BEEN
COMPLETELY HONEST WITH YOU.
OH, REALLY.
OKAY, OKAY, OKAY.
BUT THE THING IS, OKAY,
OKAY, OKAY. BUT THE THING IS, IS I'M GOING TO BE
COMPLETELY HONEST FROM NOW ON.
RIGHT.
[LAUGHTER]
RIGHT. [LAUGHTER] SO MR. CURTIS...
MY FIFTH GRADE SCIENCE TEACHER.
[LAUGHTER]
I WAS THE ONE WHO PUT THE BAG
OF GERBILS IN THE TRUNK
OF YOUR CAR.
I KNEW IT.
[LAUGHTER]
AND TAMMY...
EX-GIRLFRIEND...
WHEN I BROKE UP WITH YOU,
IT WASN'T BECAUSE I WAS MOVING
TO SWITZERLAND, OKAY?
[LAUGHTER] TO SWITZERLAND, OKAY? [LAUGHTER] I DON'T EVEN KNOW
WHERE SWITZERLAND IS.
SOUTH OF GERMANY,
EAST OF FRANCE.
OH, THANK
YOU. EAST OF FRANCE. OH, THANK YOU. THANK YOU.
[LAUGHTER]
GAVIN, THE GUY WHO WORKS HERE.
[LAUGHTER]
I PUT THE GUM IN YOUR PERM.
[LAUGHTER]
GOOD ONE.
CRAIG AND ERIC, NERDS.
[LAUGHTER] CRAIG
AND ERIC, NERDS. [LAUGHTER] CRAIG, IT WASN'T ERIC
WHO TOLD THE REST OF THE SCHOOL
CRAIG, IT WASN'T ERIC WHO TOLD THE REST OF
THE SCHOOL YOU SHOWER IN YOUR BATHING SUIT.
WHO TOLD THE REST OF THE SCHOOL YOU SHOWER IN YOUR BATHING SUIT. [LAUGHTER]
IT WAS ME.
I TOLD YOU I DIDN'T DO IT.
COME HERE.
MRS. FUTCH, CRAZY LADY
WHO LIVES ON MY STREET.
[LAUGHTER]
OKAY, IT WAS MY FAULT
THAT MY DAD'S CAR
RAN INTO YOUR MAILBOX,
NOT JOSH'S.
UNBELIEVABLE.
[LAUGHTER]
UNBELIEVABLE. [LAUGHTER] AND NOW, JOSH.
OH NO.
MY BROTHER.
LOOK MAN,
I KNOW WE FIGHT SOMETIMES,
BUT YOU'RE MY BROTHER
AND I LOVE YOU.
AND I USE YOUR TOOTHBRUSH
ALMOST EVERY MORNING.
[LAUGHTER]
YUCK.
AND OMAR... OKAY, I GET THE POINT. YOU CAN BE HONEST.
LOOK, AND I'M NOT DONE.
WELL, ME, ASKING YOU OUT
I HAD NOTHING TO DO
WITH THAT BET, HONESTLY.
ALL RIGHT, EVERY MOMENT
WE SPENT TOGETHER
WAS COMPLETELY REAL.
LOOK, I REALLY LIKE YOU,
ALL RIGHT?
DO YOU BELIEVE ME?
ALL RIGHT, YEAH, YOU GUYS CAN GO NOW.
WELL, WHILE YOU KEEP KISSING YOUR NEW GIRLFRIEND, I'M GOING TO GO BACK HOME
YOUR NEW GIRLFRIEND, I'M GOING TO GO BACK HOME AND MOVE MY SPECIAL PILLOW
ONTO YOUR BED.
WHAT?
WELL, I'VE HAD 22 DATES
THIS WEEK, AND I BELIEVE
YOU'VE ONLY HAD ONE.
OKAY, YEAH,
I GUESS YOU GET MY BED.
ALL RIGHT, YOU WIN.
I WIN?
[LAUGHTER]
I GOT MORE GIRLS THAN DRAKE.
JOSH NICHOLS IS NO LONGER
A CATERPILLAR.
HE IS A BEAUTIFUL BUTTERFLY.
[LAUGHTER]
SEE YOU GUYS AT HOME. [LAUGHTER]
I GOT IT.
[ MUSIC ]
[SNORING] MAN, I'M THIRSTY.
[LAUGHTER]
OW. OW.
WANT TO SWITCH BACK?
PLEASE?
[LAUGHTER]
GOOD NIGHT.
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