[MUSIC] WHY DO PEOPLE AT SCHOOL ALWAYS GOSSIP AND SPREAD RUMORS?
A COUPLE WEEKS AGO
A COUPLE WEEKS AGO I WAS BORED AT SCHOOL,
SO I STARTED TELLIN' PEOPLE
STUFF ABOUT JOSH.
THIS STORY THIS STORY STARTED GOING AROUND
THAT I EAT SQUIRRELS.
I TOLD EVERYONE JOSH WAS ON THIS NEW SQUIRREL DIET.
AND THEN THE RUMORS
GOT EVEN WORSE.
THEN I MADE UP WORSE STUFF.
SOMEHOW, PEOPLE GOT THE IDEA
THAT AFTER I EAT THE SQUIRRELS, I USE THEIR FUR
TO MAKE MY OWN UNDERWEAR.
IT WAS ALL LIES.
OH, THE NEW RUMOR ABOUT ME?
AND I DON'T GET THIS ONE AT ALL.
IT SAID
IT SAID I HAVE AN EXTRA TOE GROWIN'
OUT OF MY BELLYBUTTON.
PEOPLE WILL BELIEVE ANYTHING. FOR CRYIN' OUT LOUD,
MY BELLYBUTTON IS TOE-LESS.
YOU CAN ASK MY SWIM COACH.
HE'S SEEN IT.
RUMORS ARE FUN.
IT'S SO UNTRUE.
OKAY, HARDEST TEST EVER.
I KNOW, RIGHT?
I DIDN'T EVEN FINISH.
ME, EITHER.
[MUTTERING TO HIMSELF]
I'M GONNA GO SEE HOW MINDY DID.
HEY. OH, HI.
COULD YOU BELIEVE THAT TEST?
OH, I KNOW. IT WAS SO EASY.
OH, YEAH, YEAH.
TOO EASY.
ANYWAY, I'M HAVIN' A MOVIE NIGHT
AT MY HOUSE THIS SATURDAY.
YOU WANNA COME HANG? OH, SURE. HEY, WE SHOULD SEE ONE
HEY, WE
SHOULD SEE ONE OF THOSE CHEESY KARATE MOVIES
FROM THE SEVENTIES?
OH, LIKE "DRAGONS OF DEATH."
OH, THAT MOVIE'S SICK.
JOSH, MINDY,
JOSH, MINDY, THE NEW CHEMISTRY TEXTBOOKS
JUST ARRIVED.
JUST ARRIVED. THEY'RE IN MY CLASSROOM.
NO WAY.
NO WAY. OH, COME ON.
HEY, REMEMBER HEY, REMEMBER IN "DRAGONS OF DEATH"
WHEN BILLY CHANG FIGHTS
WAKEEM THE DREAM?
REMEMBER?
REMEMBER? ONE DOES NOT FORGET
THE WOO-CHOO FIST OF SILENCE...
OH, MY GOD.
DRAKE, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
YOU KNOCKED HIM OUT. WE BETTER GO FETCH HELP. HELP! NURSE! MAYDAY!
STUDENT DOWN!
♪ I NEVER THOUGHT THAT IT'D BE SO SIMPLE,
BUT I FOUND A WAY, I FOUND A WAY,
IF YOU OPEN UP YOUR MIND,
SEE WHAT'S INSIDE,
IT'S GONNA TAKE SOME TIME TO REALIZE,
BUT IF YOU LOOK INSIDE,
I'M SURE YOU'LL FIND OVER YOUR SHOULDER
YOU KNOW THAT I TOLD YOU, I'll ALWAYS BE.
PICKIN' YOU UP WHEN YOU'RE DOWN,
SO JUST TURN AROUND, OOH, OOH ♪
DAD, YOU PROMISED ME YOU AND MOM WOULD STAY UPSTAIRS UNTIL MY PARTY'S OVER.
YOU AND MOM WOULD STAY UPSTAIRS UNTIL MY PARTY'S
OVER. UNTIL MY PARTY'S OVER. I JUST WANT SOME JUICE
I JUST WANT SOME JUICE AND A MACAROON.
WELL, PLEASE HURRY.
ALL RIGHT, PEOPLE. ALL RIGHT, PEOPLE. GRAB YOUR TREATS
AND FIND YOUR SEATS.
THE MOVIE'S ABOUT TO START IN NINE MINUTES.
HEY, WHAT MOVIE YOU GUYS WATCHIN'? OOH, WHAT...
OOH, WHAT... DID YOU GET IN A FIGHT
DID YOU GET IN A FIGHT AT SCHOOL? AT SCHOOL? OH, OH.
OH, OH. NO, NOT EXACTLY.
IT'S OKAY, IT'S OKAY,
I UNDERSTAND.
I UNDERSTAND. I USED TO GET BEAT UP AT SCHOOL
ALL THE TIME.
THEY USED TO CALL ME
WALTER THE DOOF.
IN FACT, ONE TIME...
HAVE YOU EVER READ A BOOK
CALLED "EMBARRASSED TO DEATH"
BY M.Y. DAD?
M.Y. DAD?
M.Y. DAD? SEE YA.
SEE YOU LATER. [DOORBELL RINGS] COMIN'.
COMIN'. HEY, WHAT'S UP, CRAIG?
EVENIN'.
EVENIN'. WHERE'S ERIC?
WHERE'S ERIC? OH, HE DIDN'T WANNA COME.
HE WAS AFRAID DRAKE MIGHT BE MAD
AT HIM 'CAUSE HE
PUNCHED HIM AT HIM 'CAUSE HE PUNCHED HIM IN THE EYE.
HE'S NOT MAD.
DRAKE, YOU'RE NOT MAD, ARE YOU?
NO, I'M NOT MAD.
CRAIG DIDN'T MEAN TO HIT ME.
I'M CRAIG.
I'M CRAIG. IT MATTERS.
IT MATTERS. COME HELP ME CALIBRATE
THE PROJECTOR.
THE PROJECTOR. AWESOME.
[DOORBELL RINGS] DRAKE, GET THAT? GOT IT.
OH, IS IT HALLOWEEN ALREADY? AREN'T YOU A
SCARY LITTLE WITCH? OH, LOOK AT YOUR BLACK EYE.
AREN'T YOU A SCARY LITTLE WITCH? OH, LOOK AT YOUR BLACK EYE.
WELL, I HOPE IT HURTS.
SHE-BEAST. SHE-BEAST. MICRO-BRAIN.
MICRO-BRAIN. WEIRD-FACE.
WEIRD-FACE. IGNORAMUS.
IGNORAMUS. WHAT?
WHAT? EXACTLY.
EXACTLY. HEY. HEY. OH, HEY.
OH, HEY. SORRY, I HAD TO PARK THE CAR SORRY, I
HAD TO PARK THE CAR AT THE BOTTOM OF THE HILL.
OH, NO PROBLEM. STEP ASIDE.
JOSH! AW! NOW I GOTTA RESET THE WHITE BALANCE!
NO, I NEED TO TALK TO YOU.
GET OUT.
WHAT? MINDY'S HERE. I KNOW. I INVITED HER.
DID YOU INVITE HIM?
WHO'S HIM?
WHO'S HIM? HER DATE.
HER DATE. HER... HER... HER...[GASPING]
I DON'T CARE. YES, YOU DO. NOW GO OUT THERE
AND MAKE A SCENE.
NO. MINDY AND I BROKE UP.
SHE'S ALLOWED TO DATE
WHOEVER SHE WANTS.
AND YOU'RE COOL WITH THAT?
SURE, I'M COOL.
OKAY, EVERYONE.
OKAY, EVERYONE. THE MOVIE'S ABOUT TO START.
PLEASE SIT DOWN.
CAN I USE THE RESTROOM...
SIT DOWN!
SIT DOWN! [MUSIC]
HEY, CLAYTON. HI.
[GARGLING] CHECK IT OUT.
CHECK IT OUT. IT'S TRUE.
IT'S TRUE. HELLO?
HELLO? WHOA, IT'S TRUE.
OH, THE BLACK EYE?
YEAH, LITTLE ACCIDENT.
THAT'S NOT WHAT WE HEARD.
AND WHAT DID YOU HEAR?
THAT YOU WERE MAKIN' FUN OF ERIC'S SISTER,
SO HE PUNCHED YOU IN THE FACE.
APPARENTLY PRETTY HARD.
I WASN'T MAKING FUN
OF ERIC'S SISTER.
THIS WAS AN ACCIDENT.
OKAY.
OKAY. WE'LL GO WITH THAT STORY.
HEY, DRAKE. HEARD YOU GOT PUNCHED BY A NERD.
IT WAS AN ACCIDENT... ERIC!
ERIC! ERIC! OH, HEY, DRAKE.
WANNA SEE OUR NEW GYROSCOPE?
WE'RE GONNA TAKE IT
TO ASTRO CAMP.
HAVE YOU BEEN TELLING HAVE YOU
BEEN TELLING EVERYONE YOU HIT ME ON PURPOSE
BECAUSE I MADE FUN
OF YOUR SISTER?
NO, COURSE NOT.
THAT'S WHAT EVERYONE'S THAT'S WHAT EVERYONE'S SAYIN'.
SAYIN'. WELL, NO WORRIES. WELL, NO WORRIES. I'll MAKE SURE EVERYBODY KNOWS
IT WAS JUST AN ACCIDENT.
GOOD, DO THAT.
W-W-WHY? SO THE LADY HOLDS IT UP
SO THE LADY HOLDS IT UP RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY FACE,
RIGHT? AND I SAY,
"MA'AM, IT'S LOOKS DELICIOUS",
"MA'AM, IT'S LOOKS DELICIOUS, BUT I'M NOT GIVING YOU 20 BUCKS
FOR A MEATBALL."
"FOR A MEATBALL." [LAUGHING]
[LAUGHING] [LAUGHING SARCASTICALLY]
EXCUSE ME, JOSH. WHAT? I NOTICE
I NOTICE YOU'RE STACKING THAT CANDY
YOU'RE STACKING THAT CANDY IN AN ANGRY WAY.
I AM ANGRY.
MINDY'S OVER THERE MINDY'S OVER THERE WITH HER NEW BOYFRIEND,
RUBBIN' 'EM RIGHT IN MY FACE.
WELL, YOU KNOW,
I ALSO STRUGGLE
WITH AN ANGER PROBLEM.
OH.
OH. YES.
YES. BUT NOW I HAVE THIS. SEE,
WHENEVER I GET A LITTLE ANGRY,
I JUST GIVE THIS I JUST GIVE THIS A LITTLE SQUEEZE.
DON'T DRINK WHILE I'M TALKING!
[TOY SQUEAKING]
SEE HOW IT WORKS? UH-HUH!
JOSH, I NEED TO BORROW YOUR KEY TO THE HOUSE. WHERE'S YOURS?
WHERE'S YOURS? I WAS
EATIN' A SANDWICH I WAS EATIN' A SANDWICH IN THE MEN'S ROOM,
AND I THINK THE KEY...
NO, NO, NO.
FIRST I GAVE DRAKE A WARNING.
I SAYS TO HIM,
I SAYS, "HEY, DRAKE.
NO ONE MAKES FUN OF MY SISTER."
"NO ONE MAKES FUN OF MY SISTER." BUT HE JUST KEPT RUNNIN'
HIS MOUTH,
HIS MOUTH, SO I HAD TO POP HIM ONE
RIGHT IN THE EYE.
WOW, IT'S SO GREAT
THAT YOU STOOD UP TO HIM LIKE THAT.
LIKE THAT. WELL, I LIKE DRAKE,
BUT HE HAD IT COMIN'.
DO YOU HEAR THAT? HI, ERIC.
HI, ERIC. OH, HEY, DRAKE.
YOU TOLD ME YOU WEREN'T YOU TOLD ME YOU WEREN'T THE ONE THAT WAS
GOIN' AROUND SAYING... GOIN'
AROUND SAYING... UM, WHY DON'T YOU GUYS GO
GET US A TABLE OVER THERE, HUH?
OKAY.
OKAY. ORDER ME A DIET MOUNTAIN FIZZ.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING? YOU HIT ME BY ACCIDENT. I KNOW, I KNOW.
I KNOW, I KNOW. THEN WHY DID YOU START
THE RUMORS THAT YOU BEAT ME
UP THE RUMORS THAT YOU BEAT ME UP BECAUSE I MADE FUN
OF YOUR SISTER?
I DIDN'T START THE RUMORS.
I EVEN TRIED TO STOP 'EM,
BUT YOU KNOW HOW KIDS GOSSIP AND EXAGGERATE.
AND EXAGGERATE. AND THEN EVERYBODY
WAS SO IMPRESSED WAS SO IMPRESSED THAT I STOOD UP TO YOU
THAT I WAS,
LIKE, INSTANTLY POPULAR.
DID YOU SEE
THAT GIRL I WAS WITH?
WHAT ABOUT HER?
SHE ASKED ME OUT.
USUALLY IF I EVEN TALK.
USUALLY IF I EVEN TALK TO A GIRL LIKE THAT,
SHE CALLS THE POLICE.
LOOK, I DON'T CARE, OKAY?
I'M NOT GONNA LET YOU
GET POPULAR BY MAKIN' ME
LOOK LIKE WIMP AND A JERK. YOU'RE GONNA
YOU'RE GONNA START TELLING THE TRUTH.
NO.
NO. NO?
NO? WHAT DO YOU MEAN, NO?
I AM FINALLY POPULAR.
I WILL NOT GO BACK I WILL NOT GO BACK TO THE COLD LONELINESS
OF PLANET NERD.
SORRY.
HERE, HERE WE GO. HANG ON. [CAMERA BEEPS]
I HATE THAT GUY SO MUCH. MINDY, CAN I SPEAK TO YOU
FOR A MINUTE? FOR A MINUTE? OH, HEY, JOSH.
YOU WANNA JOIN... HEY, WHOA!
WHY ARE YOU
PULLING ME? WHY ARE YOU PULLING ME? YOU KNOW
YOU KNOW I DON'T LIKE TO BE PULLED.
ARE YOU INSANE?
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
FIRST, YOU BRING
YOUR NEW BOYFRIEND TO MY HOUSE,
AND NOW HERE?
WAIT, YOU MEAN CHAD?
OH, SO HIS NAME'S CHAD!
OH, OH, THAT'S PERFECT. "HEY, CHAD!"
"HEY, CHAD!" JOSH NICHOLS,
JOSH NICHOLS, ARE YOU JEALOUS?
WIPE THE GRIN OFF.
I JUST THINK IT'S... WIPE IT!
WIPE IT! OKAY, I'M NOT FINDING
YOUR TONE VERY CUTE.
OH, NOT CUTE?
WELL, WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? WELL,
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? WHAT, AM I NOT HANDSOME
LIKE PRETTY, PRETTY CHAD?
WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM?
I GOT NO PROBLEM.
NO PROBLEM AT ALL. SO WHY DON'T YOU GO DO WITH CHAD
WHATEVER IT IS YOU AND CHAD DO.
I DON'T CARE ONE BIT!
REALLY?
REALLY? ZERO BITS!
THAT'S THE GUY WHO GOT BEAT UP BY A DORK.
YOU REALLY SHOULD TRY THIS. [TOY SQUEAKING]
[SQUEAKING] [MUSIC]
[ARGUING] AAH!
AAH!
[MUSIC] HEY, WALTER, WHAT'S THIS FOR?
OH, JOSH WAS ALL UPSET
ABOUT SOMETHING, ABOUT SOMETHING, SO TO CALM DOWN,
HE BUILT A HOUSE OF CARDS.
AGAIN?
AGAIN? WHERE IS HE?
UPSTAIRS GETTING HIS CAMERA
SO HE CAN TAKE A PICTURE OF IT.
OKAY. OKAY, IT'S NOT BAD ENOUGH THAT ERIC GAVE ME A BLACK EYE.
NO! THEN HE HAD TO GO
LIE ABOUT IT, LIE ABOUT IT, SO NOW EVERYONE THINKS
I'M A JERK AND A WIMP.
HALF THE GIRLS I KNOW
WON'T EVEN TALK TO ME, AND ON THE WAY HOME, AND ON THE WAY HOME, SOME GUYS CALLED ME
TWINKLEPUFF PARKER.
AW! WHO KNOCKED OVER MY HOUSE OF CARDS? DRAKE.
DRAKE. WHY WOULD YOU DO
WHY WOULD YOU DO SUCH A THING?
DUDE, I DID NOTHING. DUDE, I DID NOTHING. YOU KNOW I TAKE OUT
MY AGGRESSION MY AGGRESSION WITH PLAYING CARDS!
OF COURSE, I DO!
WHY WOULD I KNOCK
DOWN THE CARDS? I BEEN WORKIN' ON IT ALL DAY!
IT'S VERY THERAPEUTIC!
OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT?
ENOUGH WITH THE CARDS!
I'VE GOT BIG PROBLEMS.
WHAT, THAT ERIC THING? YEAH. YEAH. HE'S LYING TO EVERYBODY
AND RUINING MY LIFE
JUST TO MAKE HIMSELF POPULAR.
WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT? WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT? WHAT?
WHAT? I'M GONNA GO FIND ERIC I'M GONNA GO FIND ERIC AND PUNCH HIM
RIGHT IN HIS LITTLE, NERD HEAD.
YOU DON'T WANNA DO THAT.
OH, GIVE ME ONE REASON.
BECAUSE IT'S NOT GONNA HELP YOU, ALL RIGHT? HELP YOU, ALL RIGHT? IT'S JUST GONNA
MAKE YOU LOOK WORSE. MAKE
YOU LOOK WORSE. YOU GOTTA HANDLE THESE THINGS
MATURELY.
MATURELY. KIND OF LIKE YOU DID KIND OF LIKE YOU DID WITH MINDY?
WITH MINDY? DIFFERENT!
DIFFERENT! IT'S NOT DIFFERENT.
MINDY RUBBIN'
MINDY RUBBIN' HER NEW BOYFRIEND IN MY FACE
IS AN OUTRAGE. OUTRAGE!
AND ERIC
AND ERIC WRECKING MY LIFE ISN'T?
I'M NOT SAYING
IT'S NOT, BRO, BUT, LOOK,
YOU'VE GOT TO HELP ME WITH...
[DOORBELL RINGS]
[WHIMPERING] WHY?
YUCK. WHY?
[MUSIC] YEAH, I THOUGHT ABOUT
YEAH, I THOUGHT ABOUT BEING A PROFESSIONAL BOXER ONCE.
I JUST HATE HURTING PEOPLE.
YOU KNOW, LIKE I HAD TO DO
TO DRAKE.
TO DRAKE. HE JUST PUSHED ME
A LITTLE BIT TOO FAR,
AND WHEN THAT HAPPENS...
[ELBOW BANGS INTO LOCKER]
HEY, ERIC. UH, MAYBE YOU GIRLS SHOULD MOVE ALONG...
IN CASE THIS GETS UGLY.
ERIC. ERIC, YOUR LIES ARE RUINING MY LIFE.
ARE RUINING MY LIFE. OH, COME ON,
OH, COME ON, WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL
IF A FEW PEOPLE THINK
THAT I LAID YOU OUT...
HEY, HEY, TWINKLEPUFF.
TWINKLEPUFF PARKER.
WHAT'S UP, TWINKLES? [SQUEAKING]
[SQUEAKING] IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT ME IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT ME TO HAVE TO DEAL WITH
FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE?
HEY, ERIC. HEY, ERIC. WANNA COME WATCH US
WHILE WE DO OUR GYMNASTICS?
SURE.
SURE. REMEMBER, PARKER,
REMEMBER, PARKER, YOU BETTER WATCH YOURSELF
UNLESS YOU WANT YOUR OTHER EYE
BLACKENED.
BLACKENED. I JUST THREATENED HIM
CAJUN-STYLE.
[SQUEAKING] [PROPELLERS WHIRRING]
[BLIMP BEEPING] "IF YOU WANT"
"IF YOU WANT TO STOP ERIC'S LIES",
TO STOP ERIC'S LIES, MEET ME AT THE DUMPSTER
BEHIND THE CAFETERIA TONIGHT AT MIDNIGHT.
"AT MIDNIGHT. COME ALONE."
"COME ALONE." NO BLIMPS IN THE HALLWAY.
[MUSIC] HELLO.
HELLO. AAH!
AAH! CRAIG?
CRAIG? ARE YOU ALONE?
YEAH, I'M ALONE.
GOOD.
GOOD. PORK RIND?
SURE. SO YOU'RE THE ONE
THAT SENT THE BLIMP?
THAT'S RIGHT.
THAT'S RIGHT. WHY WOULD YOU WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO TAKE DOWN ERIC?
HE'S YOUR BEST FRIEND.
WAS MY BEST FRIEND.
NOW THAT ERIC'S.
NOW THAT ERIC'S MR. POPULAR PANTS
AND HAS A HOT GIRLFRIEND,
HE DOESN'T GIVE A RAT'S HAT
ABOUT ME.
ABOUT ME. RAT'S HAT?
RAT'S HAT? HE'S FORGOTTEN HE'S FORGOTTEN THAT I AM THE ONE
WHO'S BEEN HIS BEST FRIEND
SINCE WE WERE SEVEN YEARS OLD,
THAT I AM THE ONE
WHO DRIED HIS TEARS
WHEN HIS IGUANA GOT DIABETES,
THAT I... THAT I... OKAY, OKAY.
OKAY, OKAY. I GET IT. GET IT.
JUST TELL ME HOW TO STOP HIM.
OKAY. FIRST, YOU HAVE TO
PROMISE ME SOMETHING.
WHAT?
WHAT? WELL, I LOVE TO SING.
AND? AND YOU'RE LIKE A PROFESSIONAL SINGER...
LIKE A
PROFESSIONAL SINGER... YOU WANT TO SING A SONG
WITH ME? WITH ME? I'VE WANTED THIS
FOR A LONG TIME.
OKAY, OKAY.
OKAY, OKAY. IF YOU HELP ME PROVE
ERIC'S A LIAR,
YOU CAN SING A SONG WITH ME.
EXCELLENT.
EXCELLENT. NOW, LISTEN CAREFULLY.
ERIC IS A PACIFIST.
I THOUGHT HE WAS JEWISH.
A PACIFIST IS JUST SOMEONE
WHO REFUSES TO FIGHT. OKAY.
OKAY. SO IF YOU INSULT ERIC
IN FRONT OF A BUNCH OF PEOPLE,
HE WON'T FIGHT BACK.
AND THEN EVERYONE WILL
KNOW AND THEN EVERYONE WILL KNOW HE WAS LYING
ABOUT STANDING UP TO YOU.
UH-HUH. UH-HUH. AND THEN
AND THEN HE WON'T BE POPULAR ANYMORE, HE WON'T BE POPULAR ANYMORE, WHICH MEANS
WHICH MEANS HE'LL COME CRAWLING BACK TO ME.
AND DON'T FORGET OUR SONG.
I WON'T FORGET THE SONG.
GOOD.
GOOD. I'll START PRACTICING.
[SCALE] ♪ LA LA LA LA LA LA LA,
LA LA LA LA LA LA LA,
LA LA LA LA LA LA LA ♪
[MUSIC]
AND I JUST PICKED UP THE PHONE AND IT WAS HIM, THE PRESIDENT
OF THE UNITED STATES,
CALLING TO CONGRATULATE ME. WOW.
WOW. INCREDIBLE.
INCREDIBLE. OH, HEY, HEY, CHAD, OH, HEY, HEY, CHAD, WHY DON'T YOU TELL EVERYONE
ABOUT THE TIME YOU WERE
ON THE "OPRAH WINFREY SHOW"? YEAH.
YEAH. WELL, I WAS IN SEVENTH GRADE,
AND I WROTE A NOVEL.
NOTHING BIG, BUT OPRAH LOVED IT,
AND SHE
WANTED ME AND SHE WANTED ME TO BE ON HER SHOW.
SO I FIGURED, YOU KNOW, WHY NOT?
AND THEN SHE INVITED YOU TO DINNER AT HER HOUSE, RIGHT? YEP. YEP. OPRAH MADE TACOS.
SHE LOVES THE MEXICAN FOOD. GOOD TIMES.
GOOD TIMES. ANYWAY, I THINK I'M OUT OF SODA.
HEY, DO YOU GUYS HEY, DO YOU GUYS HAVE FREE REFILLS
ON THE GINGER ALE?
OH, YOU WANT
SOME MORE GINGER ALE, DO YA?
YEAH, CHAD CAN'T GET ENOUGH
OF HIS PRECIOUS GINGER ALE.
OH, NO.
OH, NO. I'll TELL YA WHAT, CHAD.
WHY DON'T I CALL UP.
WHY DON'T I CALL UP GINGER ALE HEADQUARTERS,
HAVE 'EM
HAVE 'EM BACK UP A TANKER TRUCK
TO YOUR MOUTH,
SO CHAD CAN SUCK GINGER ALE
TILL THERE'S NO MORE GINGER ALE
FOR THE REST
OF THE EARTH'S POPULATION?!
'SUP, BLONNOWITZ? HEY, DRAKE. SORRY I HAD TO TEACH YOU
A LESSON THE OTHER DAY.
[LAUGHTER]
[LAUGHTER] YEAH.
YEAH. YOU SURE TAUGHT ME A LESSON
FOR MAKIN' FUN OF YOUR SISTER.
UM, YEAH.
UM, YEAH. AND NEXT TIME, AND NEXT TIME, I'll THINK TWICE
BEFORE I SAY SOMETHIN'
ABOUT HER NASTY BACK HAIR. Everyone: OOH!
Everyone: OOH! SHE CAN'T HELP THAT.
SHE HAS OVERACTIVE FOLLICLES.
OH, OH, IS THAT
WHY OH, OH, IS THAT WHY YOUR PARENTS NAMED HER
GORILLA BACK?
GORILLA BACK? OOH!
OOH! SAY SOMETHING.
SAY SOMETHING. HER NAME IS MAUREEN.
YOU BETTER WATCH IT, PARKER.
YEAH, BEFORE ERIC GIVES YOU
ANOTHER BLACK EYE.
HEY, HEY, HEY,
IT'S NOT MY FAULT
HIS MOM EATS DOG FOOD.
ONE TIME.
ONE TIME. ONE TIME THAT HAPPENED.
IT'S OKAY.
IT'S OKAY. I MEAN, WHAT ELSE
IS A DOG GONNA EAT, RIGHT?
OOH!
OOH! YOU CAN'T LET HIM GET AWAY
WITH THAT.
WITH THAT. YEAH, GO KICK HIS BUTT.
YEAH, DO IT. DO IT.
ALL RIGHT, I WILL.
THAT'S RIGHT, COME ON, THAT'S RIGHT, COME ON, KICK MY BUTT. HERE.
GIVE YOU MY GOOD EYE.
WELL, OKAY THEN. HERE I GO.
HERE I GO. I'M GONNA PUNCH YOU.
ARE YOU?
ARE YOU? NO.
NO. LISTEN, EVERYONE,
LISTEN, EVERYONE, DRAKE NEVER SAID ANYTHING MEAN
ABOUT MY SISTER.
I JUST PUNCHED HIM BY ACCIDENT.
YOU SEE, I WAS JUST SHOWING
CRAIG THIS KUNG-FU MOVE
CALLED "THE FIST OF SILENCE." AAH!
HEY, YOU JUST WOO-CHOO PUNCHED A GIRL. JERK.
JERK. UH, I WAS... I WAS JUST...
TRYING TO...
TRYING TO... WHY DON'T YOU
JUST GET OUT OF HERE?
I KNEW MY POPULARITY WOULDN'T LAST. IT'S OKAY. YOU WERE
NEVER MEANT TO BE POPULAR.
UH... [MUSIC]
HI. WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? YOU SEEMED A LITTLE UPSET
WHEN YOU LEFT THE PREMIERE.
WHAT DO YOU EXPECT? I MEAN, I KNOW WE'RE BROKEN UP,
BUT THAT DOESN'T
GIVE YOU BUT THAT DOESN'T GIVE YOU THE RIGHT TO RUB
YOUR NEW BOYFRIEND IN MY FACE. YOUR
NEW BOYFRIEND IN MY FACE. HE'S NOT MY BOYFRIEND.
LOOK, I DON'T CARE LOOK, I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU CALL HIM...
HE'S MY COUSIN.
YOUR COUSIN? YEAH. I'M NOT DATING ANYONE.
I'M NOT DATING ANYONE.
HE JUST MOVED HERE HE JUST MOVED HERE FROM ST. LOUIS,
SO I'VE BEEN SHOWING HIM AROUND.
WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME THAT? I TRIED. YOU NEVER GAVE ME A CHANCE.
YOU
NEVER GAVE ME A CHANCE. SO, TONIGHT, YOU WERE
JUST MESSIN' WITH MY HEAD?
I THINK YOU DESERVED IT
AFTER THE WAY YOU SCREAMED AT ME.
AT ME. I STILL THINK THAT WAS I STILL THINK THAT WAS A REALLY OBNOXIOUS THING
FOR YOU TO DO. FOR YOU TO DO. I THINK YOU ACTED
WAY MORE OBNOXIOUS. WAY MORE OBNOXIOUS. WELL, I'M JUST GLAD
WE'RE BROKEN UP. WE'RE BROKEN UP. NOT AS GLAD AS I AM.
OH, REALLY?
OH, REALLY? REALLY!
WE'RE STILL BROKEN UP, RIGHT? DEFINITELY.
♪ BEAUTIFUL DREAMER, WAKE UNTO ME, STARLIGHT AND DEWDROPS
ARE WAITING FOR THEE,
SOUNDS OF THE RUDE WORLD HEARD IN THE DAY,
LULLED BY THE MOONLIGHT
HAVE ALL PASSED AWAY,
BEAUTIFUL DREAMER, QUEEN OF MY SONG,
LIST WHILE I WOO THEE WITH SOFT MELODY,
GONE ARE THE CARES OF LIFE'S BUSY THRONG,
BEAUTIFUL DREAMER, AWAKE UNTO ME ♪
[BELL DINGS]
MMM!
[CAPTIONING PERFORMED BY PEOPLESUPPORT/TTC
[BURBANK, CA]