DRAKE IS ALWAYS GETTING ME IN TROUBLE, WHICH I DO NOT LIKE. YOU'RE NOT NORMAL
IF YOU DON'T GET IN TROUBLE
IF YOU DON'T GET IN TROUBLE ONCE IN A WHILE.
LIKE, LAST WEEKEND,
I TRIED TO DO A NICE THING
BY TAKING DRAKE TO VISIT
MY COUSIN SKIPPY'S DAIRY FARM.
SO, LAST WEEKEND,
JOSH DRAGS ME
TO HIS BOWLEGGED COUSIN'S
DAIRY FARM.
DAIRY FARM. SKIPPY'S A BIT BOWLEGGED,
BUT IT'S NOT THAT NOTICEABLE.
YOU COULD DRIVE A TRUCK BETWEEN HIS LEGS.
SO AT AROUND MIDNIGHT,
DRAKE TRIES TO TELL ME
COWS ARE TICKLISH.
SO, THE FIRST NIGHT SO, THE FIRST NIGHT WE'RE THERE,
WE'RE THERE, I TOLD JOSH COWS ARE TICKLISH.
SO HE TALKS ME INTO SNEAKING
OUT OF MY COUSIN'S HOUSE. SO HE SNEAK
OUT OF BOWLEGGY'S HOUSE.
AND WE GO
AND WE GO TO THE MILKING BARN.
AND I TAKE JOSH TO THE BARN
WHERE THEY MILK ALL THE COWS.
WHERE HE MAKES ME GO TRY
TO TICKLE ONE OF THE COWS.
SO HE WALKS
RIGHT UP TO THIS HUGE COW
AND TICKLES IT.
WHICH MADE THE COW ANGRY.
THE COW WAS NOT HAPPY.
NEXT THING I KNOW,
I GOT A MAD COW
CHASING ME UP WALNUT GROVE ROAD.
AND NOW WE'RE BOTH GROUNDED.
I CAN'T BELIEVE
I HAVE TO STAY IN THIS HOUSE
ALL WEEKEND.
ALL WEEKEND. SEE YA.
SEE YA. I SHOULD'VE KNOWN
COWS AREN'T TICKLISH.
I KNEW COWS WEREN'T TICKLISH.
[MUSIC] GENERAL CORNWALLIS CONTINUED TO CHASE WASHINGTON'S ARMY
GENERAL CORNWALLIS CONTINUED TO CHASE WASHINGTON'S
ARMY TO CHASE WASHINGTON'S ARMY THROUGH NEW JERSEY
UNTIL THE AMERICANS WITHDREW
ACROSS THE DELAWARE RIVER.
BECAUSE I'M AN EXPERT
ON ICE CREAM TOPPINGS.
OKAY, I ADMIT SOME PEOPLE CALL 'EM JIMMIES,
BUT EVERYBODY I KNOW CALLS 'EM SPRINKLES.
WELL, I'M NOT FROM THE SOUTH.
FINE, I'll LOOK IT UP ON THE WEB RIGHT NOW.
WHILE THE AMERICANS WITHDREW...
MEGAN!
I WAS DOING MY HOMEWORK.
I'M ON THE PHONE.
AND NOW I'M LAPTOP-LESS. ALL RIGHT.
GENERAL CORNWALLIS, OR AS HIS FRIENDS CALLED HIM, G-CORN...
CALLED
HIM, G-CORN... DUDE, THIS SATURDAY NIGHT,
WE ARE SO HOOKED UP.
WHERE ARE WE GOING?
OH, NOWHERE.
OH, NOWHERE. JUST TO SEE YOUR FAVORITE BAND,
THE HAILSTONES.
THE HAILSTONES. WELL, SHUT YOUR MOUTH.
UH-UH, IT'S OPEN.
THE HAILSTONES ARE PLAYING
IN SAN DIEGO?
YEAH, AT THE REPTILE ROOM.
OH, THAT IS SO...
MAN, WE CAN'T GET
INTO THE REPTILE ROOM.
YOU HAVE TO BE OVER 21. YOU ARE... MR. YAKITORI.
WHAT'S THIS? FAKE I.D. HERE, CHECK MINE OUT.
"JEFFERSON STEELFLEX"? YEAH, I MADE IT UP. OH, REALLY?
OH, REALLY? LOOK, SO YOU'RE SUGGESTING
THAT WE USE FAKE I.D.s.
THAT WE USE FAKE I.D.s TO GET INTO A NIGHTCLUB,
POSING AS JEFFERSON STEELFLEX AND ALVIN YAKITORI.
YUP, AND, HEY, WE GOTTA BE THERE BEFORE 10:30 BECAUSE I'M PRETTY SURE...
WE GOTTA BE THERE BEFORE 10:30 BECAUSE I'M PRETTY
SURE... BECAUSE I'M PRETTY SURE... IT'S ILLEGAL
IT'S ILLEGAL TO USE FAKE I.D.s. TO USE FAKE I.D.s. YEAH, WELL,
YEAH, WELL, IT'S ILLEGAL TO ROB BANKS,
BUT PEOPLE DO IT.
YES, PEOPLE
YES, PEOPLE WHO ARE BANK ROBBERS.
I'M NOT USING A FAKE I.D.
COME ON, THE HAILSTONES,
JOSHIE'S FAVORITE BAND. COME ON,
THE REPTILE ROOM SERVES CHURROS. CHURROS?
IT'S NOT LIKE WE'RE GONNA DRINK OR ANYTHING. WE'RE JUST GONNA GO
AND LISTEN TO SOME MUSIC.
YEAH, BUT... YEAH, BUT... DUDE, BUT EVERYBODY USES
FAKE I.D.s.
FAKE I.D.s. IT'S NOT GONNA BE A PROBLEM.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
DAD? WALTER.
♪ I NEVER THOUGHT THAT IT'D BE SO SIMPLE,
BUT I FOUND A WAY, I FOUND A WAY,
IF YOU OPEN UP YOUR MIND,
SEE WHAT'S INSIDE, WELL, IT'S GONNA TAKE
SOME TIME TO REALIZE,
BUT IF YOU LOOK INSIDE,
I'M SURE YOU'LL FIND,
OVER YOUR SHOULDER, YOU KNOW
THAT I TOLD YOU I'll ALWAYS BE.
PICKING YOU UP WHEN YOU'RE DOWN,
SO JUST TURN AROUND ♪
♪ OOH-OOH-OOH OOH ♪
[MUSIC] "JEFFERSON STEELFLEX"?
"JEFFERSON STEELFLEX"? "ALVIN YAKITORI"?
THEY COULD BE NAMES.
YEAH, ON PLANET CRAZYTRON. YOU KNOW, I CAN
ALMOST UNDERSTAND YOU
DOING SOMETHING THIS STUPID, BUT YOU?
BUT YOU? WELL, HE TEMPTED ME
WITH CHURROS.
WITH CHURROS. THAT'S YOUR EXCUSE:
A FRIED MEXICAN PASTRY?
HAVE YOU EVER TASTED ONE?
CAN WE TALK
TO YOU TWO PRIVATELY?
OF COURSE.
OF COURSE. BOTH OF YOU, IN THE CLOSET.
WHAT? WHAT? CLOSET?
CLOSET? CLOSET!
NOW, OFFICERS, I KNOW THEY BROKE THE LAW... OKAY, DON'T WORRY.
OKAY, DON'T WORRY. DON'T WORRY,
DON'T WORRY, THEY'RE NOT UNDER ARREST.
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU. BELIEVE ME, BELIEVE ME, THEY'RE GONNA BE GROUNDED
FOR A LONG TIME.
WHAT GOOD DOES THAT DO?
THEY'VE BEEN GROUNDED
A HUNDRED TIMES.
WELL, IF YOU REALLY WANNA
MAKE AN IMPRESSION ON 'EM,
OUR DEPARTMENT DOES HAVE
A STEERED STRAIGHT PROGRAM. WHAT'S THAT?
WHAT'S THAT? WE COME IN,
WE HANDCUFF 'EM, SHOW 'EM
WHAT IT'S LIKE TO GET ARRESTED.
IT'S A VERY IT'S A VERY EFFECTIVE PROGRAM.
EFFECTIVE PROGRAM. TEACHES KIDS WHAT CAN HAPPEN
IF THEY BREAK THE LAW.
YEAH.
YEAH. HERE'S A PAMPHLET.
OH.
OH. AND THIS IS OUR CARD.
JUST GIVE US A CALL
IF YOU DECIDE YOU WANNA DO IT.
THANK YOU, OFFICERS.
WE REALLY APPRECIATE IT.
NOT A PROBLEM.
HAVE A GOOD NIGHT.
WAIT. AREN'T YOU THE WEATHER GUY FROM CHANNEL 2?
FROM CHANNEL 2? THAT'S RIGHT.
THAT'S RIGHT. I AM.
I AM. [BOTH LAUGHING]
WHY DOES EVERYONE DO THAT? [MUSIC]
COULD YOU PLEASE HURRY UP AND FINISH THIS? WELL, IF YOU WOULD
STOP MOVING.
STOP MOVING. >> WELL... >> WELL... >> UGH.
UGH. I GOTTA GET MORE PINS.
I'M GONNA GO GET SOME WATER.
[DRAKE PLAYING GUITAR]
THIS DOESN'T SURPRISE ME. I'M HELPING YOUR MOTHER. UH-HUH.
SHE'S MAKING A PROM DRESS FOR TAYLOR, THE ANDERSON'S DAUGHTER.
THE
ANDERSON'S DAUGHTER. I THOUGHT TAYLOR WAS A BOY.
NOPE.
WHAT ARE THOSE? GRAPEFRUITS. CAN I GO TO BOARDING SCHOOL?
[DOORBELL RINGS]
[DOORBELL RINGS] I GOT IT.
I GOT IT. OOH, THIS IS GONNA BE GOOD.
CLOSE THE LAPTOP AND PUT DOWN THE GUITAR. WHAT'S GOIN' ON?
WHAT'S GOIN' ON? UP AGAINST THE WALL.
WHAT?
WHAT? WHAT? WHAT? AGAINST THE WALL.
OKAY.
WHAT DID WE DO? HEY, HEY, WATCH THE GLUTES. QUIET.
QUIET. HANDS BEHIND YOUR BACK.
OH, SWEETIE. ARE YOU CRYING? I'VE JUST NEVER BEEN
I'VE JUST NEVER BEEN THIS HAPPY.
THIS HAPPY. IS THIS NECESSARY?
WOULD YOU JUST... COME ON?
WHOA!
WHOA! MOM, WALTER,
MOM, WALTER, WOULD YOU DO SOMETHING?
OH, WE DID DO SOMETHING.
IT'S CALLED
IT'S CALLED THE STEERED STRAIGHT PROGRAM.
Both: WHAT?!
Both: WHAT?! YOU BOYS NEED TO LEARN.
YOU BOYS NEED TO LEARN HOW TO ACT LIKE MEN.
IT'S FOR A PROM. YES, MA'AM. SIR!
SIR! TONIGHT, YOU BOYS TONIGHT, YOU BOYS ARE GONNA SEE
WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE ARRESTED,
PROCESSED, BOOKED, AND JAILED.
JAILED?
JAILED? PROCESSED?
PROCESSED? DAD, THIS IS RIDICULOUS.
NO, IT'S NOT.
YOU GUYS HAVE BEEN GETTING
INTO A LOT OF TROUBLE LATELY.
LIKE WHAT?
LIKE WHAT? THE FAKE I.D.s.
BURNING DOWN.
BURNING DOWN OUR NEIGHBOR'S TREE HOUSE.
THE COUNTERFEIT GRILLS.
THE SPEEDING TICKET. YOU GOT A SPEEDING TICKET?
OH, YEAH, THANK YOU, MEGAN.
ALL RIGHT, ENOUGH. ALL RIGHT, ENOUGH. LET'S GO.
LET'S GO. COME ON, YOU CAN'T DO THIS.
THIS IS GONNA BE GOOD THIS IS GONNA BE GOOD FOR YOU.
FOR YOU. IT'S ALREADY GOOD FOR ME.
YOU GUYS NEED TO LEARN
THE IMPORTANCE OF BEHAVING.
WELL, THIS IS SO UNFAIR. COME ON.
COME ON. WHAT ARE THOSE?
GRAPEFRUITS.
GRAPEFRUITS. CAN I HAVE ONE?
YEAH.
YEAH. THANKS.
THANKS. ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, OUT THE DOOR.
[DRAKE AND JOSH COMPLAINING]
THIS AIN'T FAIR!
COME ON!
COME ON! THIS ISN'T FAIR!
IS MY DRESS READY YET? [MEGAN SHUDDERS] [MUSIC]
MMM! MAN, THIS GRAPEFRUIT IS EXCELLENT. A LITTLE SOUR, THOUGH.
IS EXCELLENT. A LITTLE SOUR, THOUGH. A LITTLE SOUR, THOUGH. EITHER OF YOU BOYS GOT
EITHER OF YOU BOYS GOT ANY SUGAR ON YOU?
NO. WHO CARRIES THEIR OWN SUGAR? YOU'D BE SURPRISED.
WHEN YOU'RE A COP,
YOU SEE A LOT OF THINGS. 10-81, 10-81,
10-81, 10-81, REPORT OF A ROBBERY IN PROGRESS,
CORNER OF EL CENTRO AND LELAND.
SUSPECT WEARING
SUSPECT WEARING A CAMOUFLAGE SHIRT
AND RED KNIT CAP.
UNIT 4-20 RESPONDING. I'M A BLOCK I'M A BLOCK SOUTH OF YOUR LOCATION,
GOING CODE 12.
HEY, HANG ON, BOYS.
[SIREN]
[SIREN] WHAT'S GOING ON?
ROBBERY AT A JIFFY MART.
YEAH, AND HERE WE GO. [TIRES SCREECH]
[TIRES SCREECH] HEY, HOLD MY GRAPEFRUIT.
WITH WHAT? WITH WHAT? I'M HANDCUFFED.
I'M HANDCUFFED. WHAT DO YOU EXPECT ME
TO HOLD YOUR GRAPE...
[MUMBLING] I WAS JUST TRYING TO DO SOMETHING NICE FOR YOU.
[MUMBLING ANGRILY]
[MUMBLING ANGRILY] WELL, FINE.
WELL, FINE. IF THAT'S THE WAY YOU WANT IT.
[MUMBLING]
[MUMBLING] COME ON,
COME ON, YOU ARE TOTALLY MISQUOTING ME.
THAT'S NOT EVEN HOW I SAID IT.
WHAT...
[DISPATCHER TALKING ON RADIO] HEY.
HEY. HELLO.
HELLO. Both: AAH!
[WHISTLE BLOWING] HEY, GET OUT OF MY CAR! FREEZE!
FREEZE! YOU FREEZE!
YOU FREEZE! [SIREN, TIRES SCREECH]
YEAH! HA HA HA HA!
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
NOT GOING TO JAIL,
THAT'S WHAT I'M DOING. HANG ON, BOYS.
WE'RE IN A STOLEN POLICE CAR,
AND WE ARE RUNNING FROM THE LAW.
YEAH!
YEAH! OH. HA HA HA HA!
[LAUGHING NERVOUSLY]
[CRYING AND SCREAMING] [MUSIC]
[MUSIC]
[SIREN] ALL RIGHT,
ALL RIGHT, YOU KNOW YOU CAN GET YOU KNOW YOU CAN GET IN A LOT OF TROUBLE
FOR STEALING THE COP CAR?
I'M ALREADY
I'M ALREADY IN A LOT OF TROUBLE.
[SLAMS ON BRAKES]
SO WHO ARE YOU GUYS? WELL, I'M, UH, UH...
JEFFERSON STEELFLEX.
ALVIN YAKITORI. AND YOU ARE?
BLAZE.
BLAZE. WHY DO THEY CALL YOU BLAZE? WHY DO THEY CALL YOU BLAZE? BE QUIET!
BE QUIET! I SEE.
I THINK THIS GUY IS DANGEROUS. WHY? 'CAUSE HE JUST ROBBED A CONVENIENCE STORE
AND NOW HE STOLE A COP CAR?
MAYBE WE SHOULD JUST TELL HIM
WE'RE HIGH SCHOOL STUDENTS,
SO HE'LL LET US GO.
AND WHAT IF HE DOESN'T
LET US GO?
OH! OHH!
THIS GUY THINKS WE'RE REAL CRIMINALS RIGHT NOW, SO LET'S KEEP IT THAT WAY.
OH, RIGHT.
OH, RIGHT. RIGHT, SO HE'LL THINK
WE'RE ONE OF HIM. WE'RE ONE OF HIM. YEAH, SO NO MATTER
WHAT HE DOES... WHAT HE DOES... SO WHAT'D YOU GUYS
GET BUSTED FOR?
OH... UM, YOU KNOW, UH, CRIME.
UH, CRIME. YEAH, YEAH.
YEAH, YEAH. WE ROBBED A... ROBBED A...
A STORE.
A STORE. OOH.
OOH. WE ROBBED THAT STORE GOOD.
NICE, NICE.
NICE, NICE. YOU GUYS ARE ALL RIGHT.
WELL, WHAT DO YOU EXPECT?
WE'RE REBELS.
WE'RE REBELS. HARDENED CRIMINALS.
HARDENED CRIMINALS. HARDENED.
YEAH, YEAH. IN FACT, WE WERE PLANNING ON HITTING A HOUSE TONIGHT.
IN FACT, WE WERE PLANNING ON HITTING A HOUSE
TONIGHT. ON HITTING A HOUSE TONIGHT. A HOUSE?
A HOUSE? I'M TRYING TO GET HIM
TO DROP US OFF AT OUR PLACE.
AH, GOOD, GOOD.
UH, YEAH.
UH, YEAH. YEAH, YEAH, YEAH,
WE'RE HITTING A HOUSE.
YEAH, PERFECT FOR ROBBING.
YEAH, WE'VE BEEN WATCHING IT FOR A COUPLE OF WEEKS NOW.
OWNERS ARE OUT OF TOWN.
YES.
YES. SO, UM, IF YOU COULD
DROP US OFF THERE,
THAT'D BE GOOD. YEAH, YEAH.
YEAH, YEAH. OKAY.
OKAY. I'M IN.
I'M IN. LET'S DO IT.
WHOA, WHOA. UH...
YOU'RE IN? YOU'RE IN? WHAT DO YOU MEAN IN?
I'M GONNA HIT THE PLACE
WITH YOU.
WITH YOU. OH, UM... OH, UM... THANK YOU?
THANK YOU? UH, BUT WE DON'T REALLY NEED
ANY HELP.
ANY HELP. YEAH, YEAH,
YEAH, YEAH, THIS IS MORE OF A TWO-MAN JOB,
IF YOU KNOW...
YOU'D BE A SUPERFLUOUS.
SUPERFLUOUS? IT'S ON MY WORD-A-DAY CALENDAR...
THAT I STOLE! WELL, LOOK. YEAH, YEAH, YOU KNOW, SO WE DON'T
REALLY NEED YOUR HELP.
REALLY NEED YOUR HELP. I WANT IN!
PLEASE JOIN US.
WOULD YOU HELP US?
'CAUSE WE COULD USE THE HELP.
YOU... PLEASE.
YOU... PLEASE. GOOD.
GOOD. WHAT'S THIS?
WHAT'S THIS? IT'S A GRAPEFRUIT.
OH.
IT'S A LITTLE SOUR. GOOD THING I ALWAYS CARRY AROUND A LITTLE SUGAR WITH ME.
[MUSIC] [DOGS BARKING OUTSIDE]
GIVE ME YOUR HEAD. HEY! HEY! WATCH IT. OW, OW!
OW, OW! OKAY, HANDCUFFS, OKAY?
OW! OW!
OW! OW! CUFFS, CUFFS! OW!
THANK YOU. YOU'RE NEXT.
YOU'RE NEXT. OH, JOY, JOY.
OH, JUST... GENTLE, GENTLE.
OKAY WATCH THE EARS, PLEASE.
WATCH 'EM! GINGER!
GINGER! GINGER!
ALL RIGHT. YOU GOT A BIG HEAD.
YEAH, OLD NEWS, DUDE.
SO, WHO LIVES IN THIS HOUSE?
UH...
UH... YOU KNOW, SOME STUPID FAMILY.
THAT WE DON'T KNOW.
OKAY.
OKAY. I'M GONNA CHECK OUT
THE REST OF THE HOUSE.
GREAT IDEA.
GREAT IDEA. YOU SCOPE OUT THE DOWNSTAIRS,
WE'LL SCOPE OUT THE UPSTAIRS.
RIGHT.
RIGHT. YEAH.
YEAH. YEAH, YEAH.
YEAH, YEAH. JUST OVER THERE.
ARE YOU CRAZY?
WHAT IF MOM, DAD, AND MEGAN
ARE DOWNSTAIRS?
ARE DOWNSTAIRS? LOOK, BOTH OF THE CARS LOOK, BOTH OF THE CARS ARE GONE, ALL RIGHT?
SO NOBODY'S HOME.
GOOD. GOOD. OH, QUICK, QUICK.
LET'S CALL THE COPS LET'S CALL THE COPS BEFORE HE COMES BACK.
YEAH, RIGHT, RIGHT,
RIGHT, OKAY.
RIGHT, OKAY. ALL RIGHT.
ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT, WORK TOGETHER.
TEAMWORK. TEAMWORK. TEAMWORK.
TEAMWORK. TO THE LEFT.
NO, GRAB IT.
COME ON, GET... GRAB IT.
ALL RIGHT,
ALL RIGHT, PRESS THE "9," MAN.
OH, THIS ISN'T GONNA WORK!
ALL RIGHT.
ALL RIGHT. FINE, FINE, HERE.
I'll HOLD IT BEHIND MY BACK,
YOU DIAL IT WITH YOUR NOSE.
I'M NOT STICKIN' MY NOSE DOWN THERE. WOULD YOU RATHER TAKE
WOULD YOU RATHER TAKE YOUR CHANCES
YOUR CHANCES WITH A VICIOUS CRIMINAL?
I THINK SO.
OH, JUST DIAL THE NUMBER.
ALL RIGHT.
[BEEP] 9... [BEEP]
9... [BEEP]
[BEEP] 1... 1... AH-CHOO!
AH-CHOO! OH, MAN,
OH, MAN, YOU SNEEZED ON MY PALM!
IT IS ALLERGY SEASON.
MAN, THESE PEOPLE ARE LOADED.
STERLING SILVER JEWELRY.
WHO ARE YOU GUYS CALLING?
UM...
UM... CALLING?
CALLING? WE WERE CALLING OUR BOYS.
UH, YEAH.
UH, YEAH. YEAH, YEAH.
YEAH, YEAH. JUST TO SET UP OUR NEXT CRIME
TO, UH...
TO, UH... UH... UH... KIDNAP THE GOVERNOR.
YEAH, KIDNAP THE GOVERNOR.
WHOA, SERIOUSLY? OH, OH, YEAH. YOU KNOW HOW MUCH THEY'D PAY
YOU KNOW
HOW MUCH THEY'D PAY TO GET THAT GUY BACK, COME ON.
I DON'T KNOW,
HIS POLL NUMBERS ARE DOWN...
OH, REALLY?
OH, REALLY? THEY'D PAY A FORTUNE!
KIDNAPPING THE GOVERNOR.
THAT'S PRETTY INSANE. OH, YES.
OH, YES. OH, YEAH, WE'RE NUTS. OH, YEAH, WE'RE NUTS. YOU DON'T WANNA GET MIXED IN
WITH US.
WITH US. SO YOU JUST BETTER
SCOOT ON OUT OF HERE
BEFORE YOU GET WRAPPED UP IN OUR ACTIVITIES.
WHOA, WAIT, WAIT, MAN.
YOU'RE GONNA NEED A LITTLE HELP
FOR A JOB THAT BIG, RIGHT?
HELP?
HELP? YEAH... NO, NO,
WE GOT OUR OWN LITTLE POSSE.
CALL MY CREW.
YOU CALL IT A CREW?
WHO SNEEZED ON THE PHONE? IT'S ALLERGY SEASON.
[SPRAYING] [MUSIC]
THANKS. HEY, HOW'D YOU LEARN TO DO THAT? NEVER LOOK ME IN THE EYE.
MESSAGE RECEIVED.
MESSAGE RECEIVED. SO ARE WE GONNA TALK
ABOUT THIS GOVERNOR JOB OR WHAT?
[CAR DOOR SLAMS] [CAR DOOR SLAMS] WHAT WAS THAT?
SOUNDED LIKE A CAR DOOR.
IT'S SOME GOOFY-LOOKING DUDE IN A REALLY BAD SHIRT.
Both: DAD.
HERE. I'll TAKE CARE OF HIM. NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!
NO, NO, NO, NO, NO! UH, WE'LL TAKE HIM.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
DUDE, DO YOU WANT THEM DUDE, DO YOU WANT THEM TO HURT WALTER?
ALL RIGHT, JUST FOLLOW MY LEAD.
EVERYBODY HIDE.
EVERYBODY HIDE. UH, YEAH, HIDE, HIDE.
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
NO, NO, NO. I SAID I WANTED AN EXTRA-LARGE. OH, AND...
HERE. TAPE HIS MOUTH SHUT AND THROW HIM IN THE CLOSET.
AND THROW HIM IN THE CLOSET. HEY!
HEY! YEAH! GOOD CALL, GOOD CALL!
LET'S GO, OLD GUY WE DON'T KNOW!
[WALTER SHOUTING, MUFFLED] WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!
WE'LL EXPLAIN LATER. WHAT? WHAT? WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?
LOOK, I DON'T KNOW. LOOK, I DON'T KNOW. WHAT IF THEY FIND OUT
WE'RE NOT REAL CRIMINALS?
THEY CANNOT FIND THAT OUT!
[CRYING] I DON'T WANNA KIDNAP THE GOVERNOR.
KIDNAP THE GOVERNOR? LOOK, WE ARE NOT GONNA KIDNAP ANYONE, OKAY?
ANYONE, OKAY? WE JUST GOTTA GET THOSE GOONS
WE JUST GOTTA GET THOSE GOONS OUT OF OUR HOUSE.
OH, DAD'S CELL PHONE.
RIGHT.
RIGHT. AAH!
AAH! SHH!
SHH! WHERE'S YOUR CELL PHONE?
I DROPPED IT
WHEN YOU GUYS ATTACKED ME.
OH, MAN.
OH, MAN. NOW, I WANNA KNOW
WHAT'S GOING ON.
OKAY, NOW WHAT?
UH, MAN, I DON'T...
OH! YOUR MAGIC KIT.
YEAH, WHAT ABOUT IT? WELL, IT'S GOT ALL THAT FAKE WELL,
IT'S GOT ALL THAT FAKE BLOOD AND STUFF IN IT, RIGHT?
YEAH, BUT HOW ARE WE GONNA... COME ON.
COME ON. WAIT! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
WHAT AM I GONNA DO?!
UH, HERE.
UH, HERE. PLAY WITH THIS YARN.
OKAY, COME ON!
[SCREAMING]
OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO? YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH. GIVE ME THE BLOOD.
MAN, ARE WE GONNA DO THIS OR NOT? YOU SAID WE WERE PULLING
A JOB.
A JOB. WE ARE. WE ARE. WE BETTER BE.
I LEFT RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE
OF "AMERICAN IDOL" FOR THIS.
YOU SURE THESE GUYS YOU SURE THESE GUYS ARE FOR REAL?
YEAH, MAN.
YEAH, MAN. THEY WERE LOCKED UP
IN THE BACK OF A COP CAR
WHEN I FOUND THEM.
THESE GUYS ARE HARDCORE.
ALL RIGHT.
ALL RIGHT. YOU SAID I COULD GRAB
THE GOVERNOR.
THE GOVERNOR. [GROANS]
[GROANS] I'M THE ONE
WHO CALLS THE SHOTS!
YEAH, WELL MAYBE I'M SICK
OF YOU CALLING THE SHOTS!
HEY, JEFFERSON, ALVIN,
LET'S KEEP IT COOL.
LISTEN, I'M THE ONE WHO'S GONNA GRAB THE GOVERNOR, AND YOU'RE THE ONE
WHO'S GONNA KEEP HIS MOUTH SHUT!
AND WHO'S THE ONE
THAT'S GONNA MAKE ME?
OH, NOT AGAIN. OH, NOT AGAIN. HEY, HEY, HEY.
TAKE IT EASY NOW.
HEY. HEY. WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.
[SCREAMING]
[SCREAMING] HEY, HEY, HEY.
DON'T BEAT THAT BOY
WITH A BANANA!
[JOSH SCREAMING AND MOANING] WHOA.
WHOA. AAH!
AAH! YEAH! YEAH!
YEAH! YEAH! HOW YOU GONNA GRAB
THE GOVERNOR WITH...
AAH!
AAH! WITH NO HAND?!
OOH! OOH!
OOH! OOH! OH, MY GOD!
YANKED HIS HAND RIGHT OFF!
AND ATE HIS FINGER!
THAT DUDE IS PSYCHO!
I'M GETTIN'
I'M GETTIN' OUT OF THIS PLACE!
AAH! GO, GO, GO! AAH!
MY DATE NEVER SHOWED UP. [MUSIC]
YOU KNOW, I HOPE YOU FEEL REALLY BAD ABOUT PUTTING US
ABOUT PUTTING US THROUGH ALL THAT.
THROUGH ALL THAT. WELL, HOW WERE WE SUPPOSED WELL,
HOW WERE WE SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT YOU WERE GONNA GET
ALL TANGLED UP
WITH REAL CRIMINALS?
WELL, JUST PLEASE DON'T HAVE US ARRESTED AGAIN.
YEAH, I'VE NEVER
BEEN YEAH, I'VE NEVER BEEN SO SCARED IN MY LIFE.
I HAVE. I HAVE. TRY WALKING INTO YOUR KITCHEN
AND FINDING YOUR
FATHER AND FINDING YOUR FATHER WEARING A PROM DRESS
STUFFED WITH GRAPEFRUITS.
YEAH, BUT THAT JUST... DAD!
DAD! THE CLOSET.
THE CLOSET. [STRAINING]
[SCREAMING] YOU LEFT HIM HANDCUFFED IN THE CLOSET?
IN THE CLOSET? WELL, WE FORGOT.
WE'RE SORRY.
WE'RE SORRY. THAT'S TERRIBLE.
THAT'S TERRIBLE. YEAH.
YEAH. YOU GONNA EAT THAT DUMPLING?
UH-UH.
UH-UH. HOW GREAT
HOW GREAT ARE THESE EGG ROLLS?
AWESOME.
HEY, PASS THE FRIED RICE.
SAY PLEASE. PLEASE?
NO.
[MUSIC]
YOU GUYS HAVE BEEN BEHAV... BE-BEH! WELL, IT'S THE DRESS.
THEIR OWN SUGAR?
THAT'S DRAKE'S LINE. GO AHEAD AGAIN.
YOU DID IT GOOD, THOUGH.
YOU GUYS BOTH DID IT.
I HAVE. I HAVE. TRY WALKING INTO YOUR KITCHEN
AND FINDING YOUR
FATHER AND FINDING YOUR FATHER WEARING A PROM DRESS
STUFFED IN GRAPEFRUITS.
[LAUGHTER]
[LAUGHTER] DARN IT! DARN IT! HOW COULD HE BE STUFFED
IN THE GRAPEFRUITS?
SORRY.
SORRY. THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
[TIMER DINGS]
[TIMER DINGS] MMM!
[CAPTIONING PERFORMED BY PEOPLESUPPORT
[TRANSCRIPTION & CAPTIONING]