There's no place like home.
That's especially true if you spent 12 hours
on a flight from Central America
that gave new meaning to the word "turbulence."
Pete Thornton sent me to find a piece of evidence
that would link Fernando Marin, a major drug dealer,
to the flow of cocaine into the United States.
And I'd found it...
hidden in the jungle and guarded by some tribesmen
who were on Marin's payroll.
They weren't too happy I'd gotten away with it.
Three times in one day
I came as close to getting killed as I ever have.
It can make you start to think... real hard.
Your first brush with death could be an accident.
The second could be a coincidence.
The third could be a message.
And I didn't like the sound of it at all.
But at least I was thousands of miles from that jungle,
safe in my own place.
That made me feel a little better.
Gringo...
you have stolen the property of Fernando Marin.
I haven't stolen anything.
- How'd you get in...? - Callate.
You will take me to the place where the property is hidden.
To the Phoenix Foundation.
Oh, no. No way.
Oh, I think you will.
Okay.
Anda.
Look, I don't know what happened to that computer disk.
It could be on its way to Washington for all I know.
Be careful with the knife, will you?
Surprise!
Happy Birthday!
All right! Okay. Quiet.
Let's see what we have behind door number one.
It's your old buddy,
Jack Dalton, in the flesh.
Well, we knew you'd never come if you thought
it was gonna be a party, so I told Jack
when you were getting in from Central America,
and, uh, he took it from there.
Wasn't that a hoot?
All right, everybody,
give the birthday boy room to breathe.
There's plenty to eat and drink over there
and the champagne punch is on that table.
You'll get yours.
I, uh, I know you don't like gifts,
so I just invited a few people that, uh,
I thought you might like to see.
I don't believe it.
Thanks for coming, Harry.
I know you don't like bus rides.
Well, I missed enough of your birthdays.
Besides, what are grandpas for?
Wait a minute. Where're you going?
I'm starving.
We got plenty of time to gab. I'm bunking over at your place.
Ah.
Well... quite a spread, huh?
Yeah, it's nice.
Did you, uh, get what we were after?
Yes, sir.
All right. Well done.
Oh, there were, uh, some people who couldn't make it, but, uh,
they sent you remembrances.
They're on the table near where Jack is standing.
Just put it right there.
Uh, would you meet me by the crab claws, please?
How could you do this?
Do you realize you broke into my place and held me at knifepoint?
It was all Pete Thornton's idea. Pete Thornton made me do it.
Stop it! Your eye's twitching. You're lying to me.
Oh, Mac, don't bring me down.
This joke just may be the pinnacle of my career.
So help me, Jack, someday... someday.
I know, I know -- Bang! Zoom!
Happy birthday, MacGyver!
My... me...
My birthday's a week from Tuesday.
Oh, um, Penny Parker, Jack Dalton.
Jack used to be a friend.
Well, it's nice to meet you.
Enchanté, señorita.
Ooh.
There's more where that came from.
Hey, Mac, how come you never told me about this vision of loveliness?
Where did you meet her-- Shangri-La?
Bulgaria.
See, we were at the airport in Bulgaria,
only I knew the police were following us,
so I put the jewels in MacGyver's pocket.
But then the police, well, they caught us
and they handcuffed us together.
Boy, you were really mad.
Grab that chair.
Well, why don't I get two chairs and we can both sit?
It's not for sitting.
Never mind the chair.
Excuse me.
Hey, that's good! Cheap wall.
We can just poke our way right out of here.
It's a baggage conveyor belt.
There's no way I can just poke through this chicken wire.
Damn.
It was a nice thought, though.
All right, bend these out.
We're gonna make them into a figure eight.
Well, what are you gonna do with a figure eight?
You ever been to a rodeo?
Sort of. I was queen of the Future Farmers once.
Later. Later.
All right. Good.
Now I know why you asked about the rodeo.
You're going to lasso the conveyor belt.
I sure am gonna try.
Let's go!
What are you doing?
I gotta have my purse.
It's just like the ride at Disneyland.
Will you keep your head down?
Economy class.
And you should have seen
the look on the faces of all those foreigners.
Oh!
Stick with me, my little Bulgarian bundle,
and we'll go first class all the way to the stars.
Excuse me, kids, I'll be back.
What's the matter with him?
Birthday blues. I've seen it before.
What's the meaning of life? What's the grand plan?
What's to drink?
So tell me, what is it you do?
I'm an actress.
What an astounding coincidence.
- I'm a producer. - Really?
I also sing and dance.
- No! - Mm-hmm.
When I was a lad, I studied opera in Italy,
in Milan. I won a La Scala-ship.
Will you look at all this loot?
Yeah, you know, the funny thing is,
darned near every one of these things
almost got me killed at one time or another.
They sent me to the Middle East for this.
Shows all the terrorist targets in the States.
"For a man who's always on the run.
From your friends at the department."
Him! him!
Halt!
That is far enough!
The map!
You know, I'd like to...
but, uh, I really need it myself.
You amuse me.
Sorry...
but I really do need it.
Well, I guess it just proves that a good map will always,
uh, get you to where you want to go.
Yeah, provided you want to get there in the first place.
I never quite thought of it that way.
I'm starting to, Harry.
Excuse me.
Hey, many happy returns, pal.
You don't look a day over 50.
Don't ask me how I feel.
This is hot stuff, MacGyver.
Yeah, the information you brought back on this disk
is exactly what we needed.
When I get back to Washington,
the legal wheels against Mr. Fernando Marin
are really gonna start humming.
And that'll be one less drug connection we have to worry about.
Well, I'm glad it worked out.
I think I'm gonna buy myself a drink.
- You want anything? - No, thanks.
Rough trip?
Well, yeah. Came close to dying about three different times.
Really? What happened?
Ah, it doesn't matter now.
What does matter is that the only reason I'm alive is luck.
I had nothing to do with it.
Huh. Well, you always said you'd rather be lucky than good.
Yeah, yeah, I said that.
But you know, Pete, I'm starting to think I pressed my luck
about as far as it can go.
What does that mean?
I've had it, Pete.
I want to resign.
MacGyver, think about what you're saying.
- Resigning... - I have thought about it, Pete.
For the past 24 hours, I have done nothing but think about it.
What are you going to do after you resign?
Have you thought about that?
What are you gonna do, sit behind a desk?
You would go crazy inside of a week.
Take it from somebody who knows.
MacGyver, it's your birthday.
I mean, you're... you're being introspective.
That's normal. I understand that,
but tomorrow you're gonna wake up
and everything is gonna seem different to you.
Pete, for the past seven years,
I have done nothing but travel around the world
getting shot up, locked up, blown up,
and all I've got to show for it
are a couple of empty rolls of duct tape.
Listen to me!
There is no one else in the world like you.
You're a cat! You've got nine lives.
I've already lived eight of 'em!
I don't want to waste the last one.
I want to go home to Minnesota.
Want to find someone, get married or something.
Do normal things while I still have time.
So I'd appreciate it if you'd...
draw up some resignation papers for me.
Please.
Redford? Bob?
He's a sweetheart.
Prince -- I love the guy. Taught him how to ski.
What's wrong with your eye?
Oh, I... allergy.
Must be a cat around here somewhere.
Anyhow, did I ever tell you about the time
I saved MacGyver from certain death?
'Cause if I didn't, I should have.
Picture this:
There we are, on the rim of Africa,
among the tents of the noble nomads.
There must be a cat around here somewhere.
Anyway, the noble nomads aren't so noble
on account of because the head honcho
ripped off this very valuable piece of horseflesh.
MacGyver goes right in there to get that horse
and return it to its rightful owner.
You know, we could go back to your place and talk about this.
Nah, didn't think so.
But you said that you saved MacGyver from certain death.
Exactly.
Who do you think was flying that chopper?
Oh.
I think I'll try another one.
I think I'm going to try one.
The very next dinner party I give --
breast of lizard á la MacGyver. It's delicious.
You're a very...
unexpected man, MacGyver.
You...
keep me off-balance.
I'm sorry.
No.
I think...
I think I like it.
Want to share?
That's quite an offer.
Is that a yes or a no?
Will you excuse me? MacGyver!
Happy birthday!
MacGyver, it is so great to see you.
Happy birthday.
Kate, it's good to see you.
I... I don't know what to say.
Oh...
Isn't it wonderful?
And you're responsible for it, too.
- What? No way. - Mm-hmm.
I want you to meet my husband, Mike Desmond.
Mike, Mike, this is MacGyver.
Mike Husband, great to meet you.
Desmond. Mike Desmond.
You're the, uh, linebacker for the Titans, right?
Right. Oh, you're terrific.
You're having a great year. Keep it up.
Well, thank you, and Kate's told me so much about you.
She said you two had quite a time
when you were down in San Sebastian.
No, no, we, uh...
Well, we didn't see too much of each other, actually.
It was one of those things where...
I thought Kate said that if it wasn't for you,
she'd have never gotten out of there.
Well, yeah, uh...
her editor sent me down there to get her out.
You know, after I took those pictures of the general
with his pals from the mob.
I guess he figured he wasn't too photogenic, huh?
See, we'd been on the run for a couple of days
till we reached the border.
Home free... except we weren't.
The general and his soldiers were there in force,
so I figured we needed some kind of a diversion.
It's time to get our party started.
Forward!
Up the hill!
Hang on, Connolly!
Hang on to what?
Come on, Kate, swim.
Yeah, the pictures were a little wet, but we got them out.
You know, Kate used those pictures in her articles,
and the magazine promoted her to senior editor.
That's how I met Mike.
Oh, and now there's a Mike Junior on the way.
That's terrific.
I don't know how you keep doing it.
What's that?
Bouncing all over the world.
I know I used to think that was the only way to live,
but, well, now that I have a home
and I'm gonna have a family,
well, I just couldn't be happier in my life.
Yeah.
You see how this line intersects that one obliquely?
That means you and I will be spending a lot of time together.
Well, that's funny because, see,
I had my palm read by Madame Bourgiba --
not the one on Hollywood Boulevard,
but the one on Melrose -- and she told me
that if that line intersects that one obliquely,
well, then that means I'm gonna move to India
and live in a hut on the Ganges.
Exactly.
But that's after we spend a lot of time together.
You see, there's the Ganges, there's the little hut
and there we are spending a lot of time together!
- Waiting for a bus? - Bannister?
What the heck?
Where did you come from?
New director of operations sent me in, backup.
New Director?
Oh, you're gonna love him.
I can hardly wait.
We're now 90% home.
Just down this hill and a couple of kilometers due west.
Brakes seem to be fading.
non-existent.
Yeah, we're going to the border all right-- in pieces.
Unless this emergency...
Nothing.
I think we're out of fluid, Mac.
Sorry, pal.
Some backup, huh?
No, no, no, no, there's got to be a way.
What're you talking about?
There's got to be a way to stop this thing.
- Without brakes? Oh, yeah. - No, withbrakes.
Come again?
- Pop the hood. - What?
Just pop it.
What the hell are you doing?
Well, there's still got to be some fluid
in the power steering, right?
Maybe I can pump it into the brake cylinder.
Sure that'll work?
No.
All right, pump the brake!
Pump the brakes!
Mac, my boy... I think you did it.
We got brakes!
Piece of cake!
I went in there to save you and you wound up saving me.
Oh, I bet I know what you two are talking about.
The East German assignment, right?
How'd you guess?
Well, you two guys working together,
you, uh, you were the best.
In fact, I got a letter of commendation
from the State Department about that case.
Well, send me a copy one of these days, Pete.
Maybe I can get a raise.
Speaking of letters, Pete,
do you have that letter of resignation for me?
You really serious about that?
Yeah.
It's on my desk.
Bud tells me you're his best friend.
I like to think so.
Then maybe you know what's eating him.
Yeah, Harry, I do.
I know exactly what's eating him.
Am I butting in on something?
No. Come on in, Harry.
A real nice party those folks thrown for you out there.
So how come you're not enjoying it?
I'm trying to make a decision, Harry.
About the toughest one of my life.
Want some free advice?
I'd pay for it.
Go with your gut.
What's up here can... keep you confused.
What's here most of the time... tells it plain.
Hi. Listen.
I want you two to be the first to know.
I hate this.
What's that for?
For being a really sweet guy.
And because I have great news.
Mr. Thornton offered me a job in the Research Department.
So that means we're all three gonna be working together --
you, me and Jack.
What are you talking about?
Well, you're Jack-Be-Quick Messenger Service.
You deliver packages for the foundation.
How did you know about that?
And you weren't flying the chopper in Arabia
that saved MacGyver from certain death.
How did you know about that?
Well, there's a memo on the wall
in the ladies' lounge, and it says that when
Jack Dalton's left eye is twitching,
he's lying like a cheap rug.
"La Scala-ship." That's so cute.
Truth hurts, huh, Jack?
Especially when you're not used to it.
If this is what you really want,
I'm not gonna try to talk you out of it.
Thank you.
I respect you too much for that.
I appreciate that.
I was thinking about the first assignment I ever gave you --
East Berlin.
Pete, don't start.
In some ways, it hardly seems that long ago.
And that smuggling you out in that steamer trunk--
It wasn't a steamer trunk, it was a coffin.
Oh, yeah, that's right.
Yeah, I was hoping that the information
we were looking for was, uh,
gonna reunite the family of an East German scientist
who'd defected to the West.
And I was willing to bet everything I had
that you were the guy to bring it out.
Aus was, bitte.
Lasst sie daruch!
Los! Jetzt er gekommen!
Danke schon.
Jawohl!
Jawohl! Jawohl!
I'd like to have seen that one myself.
Done a lot of good things, MacGyver, but, uh,
nothing better than bringing that family together.
Well... here's to your new life.
But I'm sure gonna miss sharing the old one with you.
Hmm.
Attention, everybody! Gather round!
It's cake time!
♪ Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you ♪
♪ Happy birthday, dear MacGyver ♪
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
You want... big piece?
Come on, Mac, birthday boy, how about a speech?
Come on, come on. Speech, speech.
Jack, don't do this to me.
Oh, come on, like in the old days.
I never gave speeches in the old days.
Oh, that's right. I did.
Ladies and gentlemen, I'd just like to say a few words in honor of...
Okay, ducky, they're all warmed up for ya.
Thanks.
Uh,
when I was a kid,
my grandfather used to say to me that, uh,
a fella's life wasn't worth mentioning
if he hadn't shared it with some folks along the way.
That is what you said, isn't it, Harry?
Yeah, only I said it shorter.
Yeah.
Well, I, I guess it's taken this party to make me realize
that about the only thing worth mentioning about my life
is the fact that you've all shared your lives with me.
And that I'd never have known any of you
if I hadn't been doing the kinds of things I've been doing.
And I just want you all to know that you're all
very, very special to me.
Well, this is a birthday party.
Let them eat cake.
Pete, can I see that letter again?
What's the matter? You forget to sign it?
No, I, I signed it.
"Happy landings and all the best!
Captain Jim Taylor, 16th Airborne."
When Jim Taylor's plane went down
over the Central Asian highlands,
I was sent in as a rescue party of one.
Hanging there on the face of a rock formation,
I started to realize how insecure
my grip on life could be.
When you're a few thousand feet straight up,
there's always the chance of falling
a few thousand feet straight down.
Our information told us
that Jim was being held in a camp
right near the site of the crash.
We knew the longer he stayed a prisoner,
the weaker his grip on life was gonna be.
I wanted to just walk up to that cage and break him out,
but the local activity made me change my mind.
And my clothes.
Luckily I found someone who was just my size.
God, I hate heights!
What are you doing?
Making a rocket thruster.
What are we doing?!
I'll tell ya later!
Yeah, Captain Taylor said that was about
the craziest thing he'd ever seen.
Well, he was right. It was.
Pete, about that letter of resignation...
Yeah?
Got any scotch tape?
Kidding.